Lawyers, Who Was Your Dumbest Client Ever?

Fresh AskReddit Stories: Lawyers of reddit, what is the dumbest thing your client has ever done? --- LIKE AND I WILL UPLOAD MORE REDDIT STORIES!



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[CRUSHRULES]

I love how the the text-to-speech reads things as they are.
Judge: Do you have a mental disorder?
Def: Number.
LOL

[NickYT]

13:34 "Defendant moves to remove his public defender, apparently listening to advice from a cellmate."
Yes, let's listen to the man in jail for advice on how to get acquitted.

[isabellamorris]

Tbf for the one about parents & social care - chemical addiction is nothing to be sniffed at, and mental health issues going undiagnosed in addition (or caused by) the chemical addiction won't make anyone's behaviour more rational. Never been on either side of that specific situation but it's a bit unfair to call people who are probably dealing with nasty withdrawal etc when they try to quit "stupid"

[Dervraka]

Had a case once where a client was accused of threatening his ex-wife with a gun, claimed he didn't even own a gun, had never owned a gun in his life even. Under cross examination he said he couldn't have been at his ex-wifes house that day because he was on a hunting trip with a friend. Prosecution asks what he was hunting, he said a deer. They asked "With a rifle?". He proudly said yep and described the make and model in detail. Of course the prosecution pounced, "But you testified you didn't own a gun?" He said, I don't own a gun, that's a hunting rifle, not a gun." Needless to say the case didn't go well for him..

[VoidHalo]

When I went to criminal court the entire court room, hallways, and waiting room absolutely reeked like weed. I'm in Canada so it's legal to smoke. So dumbass people will smoke just before going in for their case and the smell would carry on them through the building.

[bloodyneptune]

Am I just not understanding the second one, or did a guy being charged with attacking his wife literally confess to the judge that he did it, and they judge who is now aware this guy absolutely beat his wife let him leave because 'he was in a good mood'? Like...is it normal to be having a good day, so you let someone who just confessed to domestic battery off the hook?

[josephellis]

A lot of these cases seem to be people who are institutionalised deliberately getting sent back to jail... as someone who has done this exact same thing three months in jail with 3 meals a roof and central heating doesn't sound as stupid as 3 months starving and freezing sleeping rough 🤷‍♂️

[benpepin]

Ah yes...nothing says "I'm not crazy" like a twelve-page essay about it. Never met a sane person who didn't groan at having to write a TWO page essay.

[Isamu]

Pleading not guilty by reason of insanity is actually perfect evidence of insanity

[JainZar]

It just seems to me, that common sense isn't as common as one might think...

[k-leb]

4:35
$175 per hour for a phone call? Jesus Christ almighty! Is that normal?!

Not a lawyer, but I played Ace Attorney once.

[JFDSmit-rmtw]

7:38 That's the definition of chutzpah!

[thefriendlyfool]

Dear god the DUI Tripping balls in Jail Story....I cannot imagine what those poor deputes had to deal with. Though it's a bit funny imagining X number of people losing it at the same time.

[baliyae]

Lawyers don't get enough credit for what they do. They deal with a lot of crap on a daily basis.

[georgem]

Regarding the story about child protection where the mothers couldn't get it togther: I was a County Attorney for 17 years and did a lot of child protection cases, 90%+ are neglect cases. Very few are actual physical abuse and very, very few are s--x-al abuse. Child protection cases can occur at all levels of society and some people suffer from psychological or substance abouse issues that prevent them from being a minimally adequate parent (a really low bar). The common thread that ran through many of these cases is that the parents were, as my grandmother used to say, not quite bright. And, unfortunately, all the parenting classes in the world can't fix stupid. There were a surprising number who just didn't have it in them to be minimally adequate parents. We'd give them a reasonable amount of time to do a treatment plan to turn their lives around but sometimes we would have to terminate their parental rights so that the kids could be adopted by folks who got give them much better lives than they had. Sad for the parents who often loved their kids as much as anyone but good for the kids who were getting into a better situation.

[k-leb]

16:35
It's kinda sad that the husband ended up getting punished for grabbing his wife's arm, and she got off Scott-free for cheating on him.
I know cheating isn't a crime (rightfully so - I feel like the law surrounding cheating would be way too much of a can of worms if it was), but hot damn any sane person would believe that she did more wrong than him (assuming the husband didn't secretly do a lot worse to her).

[williambarnes]

If you are a lawyer, this is a question you have to be ready for.
When your client looks at you and asks, "What was it you told me to say when he asked that?"
You must be ready to answer with conviction and without hesitation, "THE TRUTH. I told you to tell the TRUTH."

[josephhurst]

Was arrested once, yes i did it and paid back all the money but that's not What I am posting about. Judge received report that I was also being charged with Resisting arrest, I turned myself in to accept punishment. 4 ft flat cop took me in, No issue. Claimed later in police report which Judge LAUGHED AT HIM IN COURT because this 4 foot Noting claiming that he had caught me trying to run and Wrestled me down to the ground, He is 4Ft tall, I at the time was 6'8" wonder why the judge had such a hard time when the Cop Demanded the Judge Stop LAUGHING AT HIM. thanks to this "Report" I was given probation, and "report" disappeared from court records for some reason.

[davidlium]

I was in court with several other people (separate cases) on traffic violations. Someone got a fine and unsupervised probation. He explained to the judge that he had money in his car. Then he argued with the judge. Instead of just paying the fine and going home because he argued with the judge the judge sent him back to jail!