Blind Boy Grunt - Murder Most Fowl

It was the summer of 1921
Lounging in the San Francisco sun
Fatty Arbuckle was riding high
He could name his price the limit was the sky
His latest film was a box office smash
So Fatty planned a Labor Day bash
But by the end of the week Fatty was in a cell
His heavenly life turned into a hell
In Cell number 12 on felony row
Held without bail, Fatty sank low
His movies were banned both far and wide
He felt like he'd already died
Now a puddle of girth and fear
He had no money they killed his career
A little later in the 20th century
Hong Kong wasn't the best place to be
Chickens were sick n' dying from flu
There was only only on thing left to do
They grabbed every chicken young and old
What happened next was a horror I'm told
The smoke went up and the dogs did howl
It's the end of them chickens
They had to murder most fowl

An actress was dead, Virginia Rappe
They found her taking the eternal nap
The prosecution's witness, her name was Maude
They knew she was most likely a fraud
In the days leading up to the alleged crime
Fatty wasn't having the best of times
He went to the station to service his car
It was near his house he didn't go far
An acid soaked rag was on a seat
And when he sat down he felt the heat
A nasty burn on both his cheeks
From a mile away they heard the shrieks
Still that party was booked and set
The pain in his pants Fatty would forget
San Francisco, the St. Francis Drake Hotel
They had all the booze, the food, the cake, as well
Back in ol' Hong Kong they didn't know what to do
To stop the spread of the Avian flu
Those poor chickens they weren't to blame
They were merely pawns in the game
They destroyed every carcass from the beak to the bowel
No chicken tonight, because they murdered most fowl

The band was loud and the people were drunk
A roast beef came around, Fatty grabbed a hunk
With the other hand he motioned for Rappe
She gave him a smile as she tipped her hat
She followed him up the stairs holding a cup
Fatty didn't know he was being set up
They got in the room and she started to scream
Tearing off her clothes like in a crazy dream
Chickens always been bred for food
Lotsa meat, they taste real good
But the breeders got greedy packed 'em in too tight
Got the chickens all stressed couldn't sleep at night
A doctor was summoned, mad as a hatter
He said Fatty Arbuckle crushed the girls bladder
They put him in cuffs and took him the station
Soon the news was going all around the nation
The Hong Kong people did damage control
They had authority and played in that role
The old birds gone, now they'll breed the new
Ones that are free of the avian flu
Sometimes you gotta cut your loses, throw in the towel
Sorry Bub, we gotta murder most fowl

A mysterious woman named Madame Black
She was he one behind Fatty's attack
That poor naive actress was duped into dyin'
And Fatty was taken out shakin' and cryin'
The trial ensued and Fatty went broke
Defending himself, he was strong when he spoke
The jury was deadlocked, they tried him again
This time the jury prosecutors couldn't bend
A full out acquittal but his fate had been sealed
The damage was done and could not be repealed
Fatty changed his name to William B Goode
Tried to find work as best as he could
Started directing, barely scraped by
His spirit was broken, he started to die
Now back in Hong Kong, the people ate pork
Not a shred of chicken on a choptstick or a fork
They vacuumed out cages, cleaned all the farms
Word was all over, they sounded alarms
If you got a chicken, that birds gotta die
Don't ask for a reason, ain't gonna say why
This comes from above don't give me that scowl
Few birds will be left, we gotta murder most fowl

Now between Fatty's fall and the avian flu
Lotsa things happened, I'll name just a few
The Beatles, the Flintstones, and old Cascius Clay
Dorothy Lamour and the Road to Mandaly
Walks on the moon, satellites in space
Special tanning creams that darken your face
Twister, Monopoly, the self winding watch
Skippy peanut butter, pants that fit in the crotch
Stereo records, the first can of beer
Speakers that fit directly over your ears
Telephones, cortisone, a recording machine
Slinkys, Lucky Charms, the first submarine
Ten years after the end of his trial
Fatty finally found a good reason to smile
A two picture contract they wanted Fatty back
All was forgiven his life back on track
He went out to celebrate with his faithful wife
Told everyone it was the best day of his life
He ate a big meal and went off to bed
But in the morning they found him lifeless and dead
Now wolves guard the farms where there used to be chickens
They all fighting for scraps, these days its slim pick-ins
At night you can hear them, they bark and they howl
There's not much to eat cause they murdered most fowl

[marcspardello]

This is done incredibly. Who is singing this? His ability to create a Dylan-like lyric is incredible.

[zoehansen_]

Absolutely incredible- read I, Fatty by Jerry Stahl!!!!

[laughliketheflowers]

Really clever and inventive! I read about this death today in a Woody Allen biog. Apparently Fatty was innocent. An interminable list of contemporary songs would have been welcome.