Dementia: The Art of Letting Go, A Mom Update

Dementia: The art of letting go is an update on my mom and where she is currently at, and the decisions we are faced with.

Affiliate Links to Amazon: I earn a small commission if you use the links:

[geraldineross]

My heart is breaking for you letting go will be the hardest but most courageous thing we can do for our loved one. My husband is 76 years old with stage four Alzheimer’s Dementia. I am 75 and his only caretaker, we are married 55 years. He went from being my husband to being my little boy. His long term and short term memory are gone, it is heartbreaking. I do all the decision making, driving, banking, etc. when I ask him to do the simplest thing he gets to anxious about everything and gets angry. Life has changed I cry at night when he is asleep just to release my pent up emotions. Thank you for your video it helps me in coping with his terrible disease.

[martineflynn]

It's heartbreaking. My mum, who has mixed dementia had a pacemaker fitted in 2019 as her heart rate was 36 as opposed to 90ish. Had we known about her having to be placed in a nursing home at the start of lockdown and the heartache we have all felt daily since March 2020, it may have been kinder to let nature take its course. Hindsight is a terrible thing

[carolburrows]

Don't be hard on yourselves, Deborah. God's calling her home, and she sounds ready to go. Be kind to yourself, and to your Mum. Go with it and just be there at the end. I hope it's peaceful for you all. xx

[drodman]

Deborah, I'm so sorry to hear. Looks like it is your moms time. The exact same thing as you described happened to my mom just recently. Thanksgiving she was ok I brought her to my nieces for dinner. !2-13 she had a mini stroke and was brought to the hospital. Was released two days later after talking with the dr's and her Geriatric dr. decided treatment was just going to prolong the inevitable. They suggested Hospice at that time. I held off because I felt guilty giving up. Christmas time her kids and grandkids all came over at times and she was happy but you could see her getting worse. Mom had a living will and a DNR stating no treatment to prolong her life that way. My Dad and her did that 10 yrs ago which is very important to know as you said. I cried and agonized over the decision that it was the end of her life. I cared for her for 7 years at my house and promising her I would never let her go into a nursing home. I would never let her die alone. 1-17-22 started Hospice care and they delivered a hospital bed. Getting her up was becoming more difficult, That night getting her in bed she lost all control of her legs and was all limp. I decided that night to keep her in bed. She was slipping away faster than I predicted. She wasn't eating or drinking much a few weeks prior but after that day she couldn't drink, eat or take her meds. I knew the end was approaching soon. She slept without waking but knew when I or someone was talking to her from her body language. 1-24-22 Hospice nurse came in and gave her 48-72 hrs. I didnt leave her and she had other family members come to greet her and say good buy. 1-24 at 3am she took her last breath. She was burried next to my dad and her twin sister 1-31 on her 82nd birthday. Watching my mom deteriorate like that is the saddest thing I have had to live through. My heart goes out to you and everyone that is going through this. Now I feel so lost now. I gave up my personal life to give my mom the best care and happiness for her end of life. I will pick up the pieces and so will you. What makes it better is knowing she will no longer be confused and she is at peace with my dad and all her siblings. I am a lucky man to have had the opportunity to have that special relationship with my mom and to give back for raising me. Good luck to you and everyone having to go through this.

[lesellen]

“Time to let go” I love this, so real and honest. There is a time to live, and a time to die…

[limenlemon]

Enjoy listening! Going through what you’ve experienced. Very comforting!

[LostInThisGardenofLife]

I call that “the quiet before the storm, ” when taking care of my grandmother. It could be anything but is usually a uti. 😢

[sandifriest]

I have recently found your videos. They are so helpful and a blessing to me. Mom is in a nursing home now, she broke her hip at my brother's home. She wants to go back but that won't happen....and yes, I've become a good layer! She gets mad and 2 minutes later she i pleasant as can be...thank you for doing these videos!

[deborahmelton]

Praying Gods perfect will and comfort for your mom from the pain and you and yours for the heartache.

[cathycoats]

It is truly heartbreaking to see our parents go through this. I hate this disease!! My mother is in stage six. I have hospice assistance now. This helps. It’s horrible what happened to your mom with the other resident. I know the time is soon. I just pray she goes to sleep and passes quietly. Hugs and prayers for you.

[jonik]

I am just now discovering your videos. My mom lives with us. She's 75 and has vascular dementia in about stage 5/6, and it's frustrating to me, that it looks so different for each person. I work from home and she has caregivers come in each day, so I can work, but it's still so stressful. Thank you for posting these. You are helping so many people and probably don't realize it (because you taped these a while back). Well, I'm here for it, and thank you, thank you, thank you!! 🥰

[debtrombley]

Sending you tons of hugs and prayers for you and your Mom. I have the absolute best memories of her when we were growing up.

[themoley]

The same thing happened to my grandmother last month. She suddenly stopped eating and became less responsive. We took her to the hospital and by mid the next week she was totally non-responsive and passed a week after going into hospital. All the resources out there about dementia talk about how it's a slow decline even at the end so we were all shocked. Most of us didn't get to say goodbye or spend time with her in the last few weeks because we all expected she'd linger on like they tell you usually happens; she was still at home and we were just starting to arrange getting her into long-term care. Like you say here, it was probably better that she didn't get to that point and got to pass on her terms. There should be more awareness that sometimes that final decline happens quickly like this. I'm so sorry you are at this point with your mom.

[GhostofMrsMuir]

Your poor Mom. So sad. I hope my Father, in stage 4, doesn’t go through this. RIP, Deborah’s Mom and MIL and FIL.

[Marie-eyiq]

I’m so sorry. We’ve been there. I feel like you do. Sometimes it’s just time to let go.

[JudithMcCarthy-mi]

Deborah, your honest and painful videos are so brave and have helped those of us going through this too.Thank you so much.

[L.J.H.-sgeb]

I soooo needed this. Two days ago my Mom was officially diagnosed with Alzheimers Dementia. Her doctor showed me the list of ailments she has which is 40 and she more than qualifies for Memory care. Things do change very quickly at times! Most of the time she doesn't remember who I am or what she did just a minute ago. I am not too concerned about her going into care because she will have better care. Thank you for your videos. They are a huge help.

[anotherjoe]

Very sorry about your mother. Lost our parents in their 80's due to old age and health issues 20 years ago. Tough time of life but "letting go" was the name of the game at that time. Wife 72, now one year into dementia diagnosis. Whole different story at that age and after 40 years of marriage. Much appreciate your channel and discussion. Thank you.

[brittanysuarez]

I can’t even imagine seeing her like that!

[L.J.H.-sgeb]

I'm going to start my own video log about my Mom. God bless her i want to keep her with me as long as possible.