How I overcame decision paralysis | Mary Steffel | TEDxNortheasternU

More often than not, we find ourselves immobilized with indecision- unable to choose between two or more alternatives, whether their impact on our lives is small or large. Mary Steffel is an assistant professor of marketing at Northeastern who specializes in decisions and decision delegation. In her talk, Mary describes the importance of delegating decisions to others and how we can overcome decision paralysis. Assistant professor of marketing at the D’Amore-McKim School of Business Dr. Mary Steffel (Ph.D. Princeton University, University of Florida) serves on the Office of Evaluation Sciences at the General Services Administration and has served on the White House Social and Behavioral Sciences Team, where she helps to translate and test evidence-based insights into concrete recommendations for how to improve government.

[blaqoD]

So putting somebody else to take the decision for you is not overcoming is just avoiding.
Anxiety comes from two fears: fear of failure/trauma or fear of unknown.
When you don't know what you're choosing, that is actually the problem and what causes the past anxiety to kick in.

[CandiedLittleYams]

I couldn’t decide how felt about this video, so I delegated my reaction to the comments. I am not disappointed on how they chose for me to feel.

[Future_Pheonix]

This is a very problematic "solution" for so many reasons (that I'm too busy to actually write down right now). This might be a good solution for certain situations, but for others, it could be disastrous. There were many times in my life that I ended up relying on others' decisions and advice when I couldn't decide on my own (I have OCD) and it ended up ruining my life. The decisions and advice of others won't always fit you and could be terrible for you when it's about more than just which type of tea you should get.

Not to mention that if you get too accustomed to relying on others, you'll never learn to decide on your own, and where will that leave you when you have no one to rely on? We all have decisions we have to make on our own and there won't always be someone to do it for us, and even if there are, they might make the wrong decision for us. It's far more crucial, imo, that we gain the confidence to handle making choices on our own. There's nothing wrong with seeking advice, but eventually it's important that we are the ones making the decision.

Sorry, but I really didn't like this one.

(But I do LOVE into the woods)

[paradano]

This is very toxic!
I am stuck with depression because I used to make decisions like that.
At first I thought the problem are other people influencing me with their opinion. I was wrong a long time.
Just recently I experienced that my real problem is making no decision at all (fear, overwhelmed, ...) and let other decide for me without noticing.
Paired with big decisions like buying a flat left me with extreme remorse, anxiety and no energy to go on with my life.
I tried to change my situation on my own without anyone giving me advices and learned I am not able to do it as I am not strong enough to make decisions. My depression got worse and I often think about my past and the slipped-away opportunities.
So I can only give you the advice to stand up for yourself and make decisions that make you feel good, do not care too much about others and keep informing yourself about the techniques to make a decision (write down pros and cons, write down your wishes and fears, write down the best and the worst case, ...)
Stay true to yourself and better make a bad decision than no decision.

[SuperAtheist]

I can't decide if I want to watch this video.

[jcb]

It would be more accurate to label the video " How to overcome shopping decision paralysis. "

[happiness]

I've always delegated to people, but you know what; it left me reliant on them for everything. Making the decison yourself and dealing with the consequences gives you confidence when you mess up less than you fear and learn and deal with the bad choices. Having said that, I think it's good for the government to give people advice and information to help with the decison.

[kismartin]

I don't feel like she actually gave a solution to the problem. I understand that asking for help is important and that it can help a lot, but it is still just passing the responsibility to someone else who may not even choose the best option for us

[johnmariano]

For some reason, this talk took a lot of load out of my psyche and cleared a lot of air. To me, it means unloading, getting the burden of one's shoulders, truly letting go and just taking in, enjoying it or learning from the decision. Thank you very much.

[kwilson]

First of all, I was impressed with the delivery of the talk - 12 minutes without notes and not a single filler word.
I wish I had been aware of the concept of 'Analysis Paralysis' a few years ago. I had been living with my mum while dating a girl, but was keen to buy my own place. I viewed a few, but couldn't make a decision very often (although I did offer on two of them, but both were rejected). I didn't want to commit in case a better house came up next week.
When my mum died, a lovely looking house came up for sale, a 5 minute walk from my work. It was slightly more expensive than houses I had looked at before, but I knew that I would receive an inheritance which would be sufficient to pay off the mortgage.
I analysed whether to buy it or not. I looked at the previous sales history and noticed that it got sold every 4-5 years and wondered why. I played with spreadsheets with all sorts of calculations. I looked at pictures of the house on the internet. But I didn't go to view it. My girlfriend asked if I had arranged to view it, so I told her I hadn't because I thought it was a bit too expensive. She invited me to move in with her, 25 miles away. I thought this was a fantastic result as it would save me the hassle of having to make a decision about the house, even though I would have to buy a car and have a 50 mile per day commute instead of a 10 minute walk. Because of the effect of 'Analysis Paralysis' on me, I deemed that this was the better option.

Having moved in together, we looked at a few houses together, both near her house and near my work. The plan was for me to buy 'my' house and for her to keep 'her' house. We would live in one and rent the other out. But we didn't really like any of the 5 houses we saw and our house search became cold and we stopped viewing them (although I continued my internet searches).

A year later, a house near my work came up for sale. I went to view it on my own and it was amazing! It was definitely my 'dream' home. A bit more expensive than I would have liked to have paid (by about half my salary), but affordable (according to the numerous spreadsheets that I created and fed the numbers in to), especially if I could overpay the mortgage while the interest rates were low. I tried numerous times to get my girlfriend to view it, but she refused.

Over the next few weeks, I was back to the spreadsheets, the pictures on the internet etc almost daily. I would look to see if the house was still for sale. My colleagues had seen the pictures and kept trying to persuade me to make an offer, insisting that the worst that could happen would be that they would reject it. For some reason, I thought that would be a disaster. I thought about asking for another viewing, but wanted to take someone with me. It felt 'wrong' to take someone other than my girlfriend, so I didn't, and I couldn't think who to ask (although in hindsight, I realise there are plenty of people who would have helped me). I thought about just telling my girlfriend I was going to make an offer, but wasn't sure how she would react. She might declare our relationship was over and then I would be homeless. Surely it wouldn't be worth the risk! I may even have thought about buying it without her knowledge, as a contingency in case the relationship broke up and I was homeless. But I didn't think I could cope with the buying process on my own, especially if post relating to the purchase would be sent to her address for me and I would have to keep it a secret. I should have realised that we clearly wanted different things from our relationship, 'grown a pair' and made the effort. I mean, millions of people have bought houses before so what was I afraid of? I continued to play with my spreadsheets and look at the pictures, then one day while I was searching for properties for sale, it didn't appear because it was sold. I was devastated.

I didn't view any properties after that. None of them were as good as the 'dream' home. Then one day, a house came up for sale that I had tried to buy when I was living with my mum but got outbid. I could easily afford it this time, but the UK, where I live, was about to leave the European Union (EU) and there had been stories in the media about how this would make house prices fall. I don't usually believe everything in the media, but I was certainly sucked in by this, much to my annoyance in hindsight. I didn't want to miss out on the possible fall (even though this house wouldn't be for sale then, and all I would be doing would be procrastinating about whether to make an offer on some nicer houses which I was looking at), so I used that as an excuse for me not to view it and have to make a decision. I realise now that the reason I have so many properties 'saved' on my PC but actually viewed very few of them is because by viewing them, I would feel obliged to make a decision, which is where I suffer from 'Analysis Paralysis'.

Two months later, the country was in lockdown due to the COVID pandemic. When the housing market reopened, it was difficult to even get to view properties. People were bidding more than the asking prices and I was suffering from anxiety with it. I didn't believe the prices (which were already accepted to be very high) could increase much more (how wrong I was again) and I was anxious so gave up.

Nearly two years after the start of the pandemic. my girlfriend unsurprisingly decided she was fed up with me and we split up. I was made homeless overnight. I'm now trying to buy a property but the standard of properties that I can afford has dropped considerably over the last two years. I'm looking to buy one that was sold just before the pandemic for £100k less than it costs now (Annoyingly, it now costs about the same as my 'dream' home). Mortgage rates are increasing and I estimate that the cost of me not buying any of the three properties that I could have done in this story is over £100k (so far) (the average salary is about £30k). The process of buying a home is more difficult for me now as well, as I don't have a fixed correspondence address. I spent years saving up to be able to buy a nice house so it is devastating to see that the standard of house that I can afford has decreased so dramatically. I could have been living in a nice home without a mortgage and with some savings, but now I will need a mortgage to buy the equivalent property.

Interestingly, I can relate to the part of Dr Steffel's talk where she talks about the sales assistant at Teavana advising about the customers' purchases. I do find it very helpful having someone with me when I view houses. I viewed one with someone that I had only just met that day. It's just reassuring to have a second paid of eyes who may notice things that I don't.

I've also recently come across a youtube video explaining the difference between 'reactive' and 'proactive' people. I think there is a link between 'Analysis Paralysis' and 'reactive' people. I've certainly been 'reactive' instead of 'proactive' to my great cost. I've reacted to whatever life has thrown at me instead of making plans and being ready. It seems that I had the attitude that buying the 'dream' home would just 'happen' instead of me pulling my finger out and making more effort. Of course, I'm devastated now. If only someone had said to me, 'if you don't make an effort with this dream house, then you will regret it for the rest of your life. Now pull your finger out and do something about it'. That may have been the kick up the backside that I needed. If the house had turned out not to be the dream home that I had imagined then I could always sell it and move somewhere else.

[andreadallarosa]

So basically just put your responsability on someone else so you don’t have to worry about that
sorry i think i didn’t fully get the message

[hajjules]

* sees the youtube recommendation *
me: do i watch it or not?

[pennyrichards]

Flip a coin. When it's in the air you will know which way you want it to land.

[fellowcitizen]

The issue is whether the delegate is genuinely serving you, or has ulterior motives

[c.]

I can really relate to this speaker and like her solution. 😀 Another suggestion for a big decision is to brainstorm a list of all possibilities then under the choices, write the pros and cons. Next use a highlighter on the items in each column which carry the most weight with you. Yellow highlighter for the really important pros and orange for cons.
For smaller decisions, the ol' flip a coin trick works if it is between two choices. If there are multiple choices, write the options on little pieces of paper, fold them into squares and toss them up in a bowl. Reach in and blindly choose one. Or you can assign a number to each option in your mind. Then, ask a friend to choose a number within that range and go with their answer. Of course, if you find yourself really disappointed with the answer and realize you were hoping for a different one, then there's your answer. Either the choice is made for you or you revealed your true desire.

[alperc]

It was my worst decision that delegating others to make decisions about the direction of my life. Your family, friends, mentor, or consultant could have different motives when giving advice other than considering your own goodness. In the end, you'll face the consequences, you'll pay the price of those decisions, not them.

[ZEUSAIMIGHTY]

How I overcame decision paralysis: Ask someone else to make decisions for me. Brilliant 😒

[manoj]

I wouldn't call taking a salesman's help as delegating a decision. I'm simply getting more information to help in making a decision. Actually delegating a decision sounds dangerous. That is what politicians take advantage of.

[alistairnandreadownie]

If you don't make a choice, the choice makes you!
This is what happened to me! And I ruined my health!
If I'd chosen to go to the doctor, I would have been given the chance of getting the right medication, and I would not be in a wheelchair now!
So, making the decision to not make a decision. Has made the decision for me!

[nMindSpinning]

Did I miss something? This was how did she over come her decision paralysis? Just have someone else make a decision for her???