Is Compassion Fatigue Real?

At the end of a long day, or week, sometimes we are just over it. But what is compassion fatigue and can you combat it? Watch this video to learn practical tips to help with compassion fatigue.

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00:00 Compassion fatigue
02:00 Empathic distress
05:00 Compassion vs empathy
07:00 Compassion is where you take action
09:00 Matching

#compassionfatigue #mendedlight #jonathandecker

[plantyfan]

4:58 I really appreciate this note that having no empathy is a sign of being too stuck in empathy for too long.

[justanotherdad]

My mom is a covert narcissist and had left me with massive empathy fatigue. For 10 years (and still a bit, presently) I couldn't get myself to be patient with others' issues because I listened to my parent vent to me for almost 20 years. My kids have helped me restore some patience, but adults still overwhelm me rather easily.

[i.b.]

My best friend and I developed this real quickly, when she tells me something awful, I ask beforehand: "Do you need there, there or do you need help?" She knows, what I mean, tells me and then I know, how to listen.

[noraeriksson]

I feel like this video explains a lot of what I've been experiencing lately. Several people in my close family are suffering from poor mental and physical health, which every day affects our home environment negatively in different ways. For years, I've tried to accept everything they do or say without complaining because I know they already feel bad and can't help it. But recently, I've just been feeling so tired of always keeping quiet about my own feelings, always having to be compassionate and accepting, no matter what, and then feel guilty if I fail. Not to mention the frustration I feel for their sake when they're not getting the help they need and I feel completely powerless to give it to them myself.

[izdxdnq]

In my experience, compassion fatigue is a very real thing. Just like any other kind of fatigue. When you are constantly caring for others, you’ll get tired.. perhaps sooner if you also feel empathy.

[cutienerdgirl]

As someone whose had to take care of everyone else for a long time, I can say with 100% certainity that Compassion Fatigue real. 😪😩

Edit: "Compassion Fatigue" or "Empathetic Distress", all the same to me!

[kierlak]

Great video. ("Know what's needed in a given situation")

Matthieu Ricard explained the difference between empathy and compassion. He did undergo fMRI scans and was asked to feel empathy and then compassion and his brain was examined. Real compassion is not tiring - oxytocin gets released and we want to get closer to a person.

People often use the term "compassion fatigue" but actually it's usually empathy fatigue. The difficulty in learning how we can move from empathy to compassion.

[MaidOfPasta]

I finally have a name for what I’m feeling! Definitely empathic distress. Someone I’ve known half my life has used me as a therapist for a long time, knowing that I have patience and empathy for days. Almost every conversation with them turned into a pity party for them, and I am convinced they don’t think they’re doing anything wrong by constantly turning everything we talk about into a therapy session. It’s probably narcissism (and part physical and learning disability) on their part, but I still find myself empathic… to everyone EXCEPT them. I have depression (and probably autism), so I take lots of things personally, so this person treating me this way and my negative reaction to them constantly throwing their problems onto me made me believe I was a horrible person for not caring about their problems anymore, to the point of me doubting myself whether I can be a good parent (despite reassurances from my family and reading horror stories online that I’d be a great parent). I’m in counseling and on medication now, which is giving me confidence to finally cut off this person entirely. My explicit boundaries have been crossed for long enough, and I’m ready to let go.

[KxNOxUTA]

I think emotional exhaustion is STILL actually a thing. Aka it's literally work to read the signals of other ppl and respond to them. I'm exhausted no matter if it's empathy or compassion, although compassion is definitely less taxing. But really just "attending to things" is exhausting. And frankly as a fellow neurodivergent person, I think this is also quite specific to us. It's a mix of executive function struggle and straight out overwhelm from having to process way more "data".

All our behaviour is governed by emotion, no matter if we notice it or not. Aka us feeling or not feeling the emotion, will not change that emotions drive our behaviour. Aka, although you can no longer feel and no longer emote it, your behaviour is STILL driven my emotion and you're going "There. there!" with your kid, but you are too exhausted to fire up the physical energy it takes to ...

a) feel and
b) emote

Aka your "give a damn" being busted, is not a matter of it being busted. What is busted, is your ability to actively perceive THAT you give a damn and your ability to emote to the other person, that you give a damn.

It's us going onto emergency energy supply and shutting down all non-vital circuits as far down as possible to last till the end of the day. And ofcourse, some people end up shutting down all the way till the emotions don't jump start in the background and they turn apathetic.

Meanwhile others have their emergency resources channelled into "attack" response, as to not just protect the little they have, but also possibly "not give a damn" while they reclaim that energy from any source without regard.

The exhaustion is real. What the study found out is basically, that the energy cost of empathy is higher than that of compassion. But that does not imply, that running on the later will be enough to get you through the day, when your circumstances are really taxing and you're swamped with ppl needing you to feed into them, emotionally. Especially when some people are really like emotional energy buckets with a hole and you'll drain with them until they sufficiently practice to attend to that drainage. Also: neurodivergent ppl by default need to extend significantly more energy in all regards, to navigate a world not build according to our setup of needs.

It is good to be aware that you have regulation choices when it comes to emotional energy. AND you may still suffer emotional exhaustion and need to actually fix that externally (teach self-regulation to others, have more ppl to help, have more breaks, have more efficient breaks etc. etc.)

[shannonmcglumphy]

This video addresses an important thing for anyone in a caring role to remember, but compassion fatigue is a real thing, too. I work in crisis, and have had people reject compassionate gestures repeatedly, slapping away that blanket and hot tea but still hoping you'll do some magical... something? Yeah, that's also tiring.

[lilaluna]

This makes so much sense why I'm great at emergencies. I'm bad at empathy but I have an immense amount of compassion.

[plantyfan]

As a thinker/closer, I really like this -- it's going to be very helpful for self-compassion.

[zafireshadows]

Oof. This coming up AS I'm realizing that my depression and anxiety are a result of me hitting my empathetic wall. Throwing my love and compassion at someone, only for them to continuously hold me at arms legth. But they give me JUST enough kindness and hope to keep me trailing behind them.

[tracyzimmerman]

I'm rather empathetic. I'm a healer that gets stuck in feelings my own and others. I have had an abusive childhood. The way I have learned to deal with this is avoidance....distract and numb. I also know there's also a healthy dose of codependency. Its helpful to understand the difference in the roles of compassion and empathy. I stay in my feelings and pain. I know it comes down to the idea of what I think I deserve. I'm at a very low point right now and I don't really know how to give myself kindness and compassion. I know how to do it for others. What a learning curve.

[erynpoulin]

I studied it for my undergrad research and how much social workers experience it! Definitely real!

[oforth]

i’m so very much older than your kids, and i’m apparently still learning to walk up stairs sometimes
… and yet again, we find that life is about being in balance… which, seriously is what’s going on with our walking… if not in an inner ear sort of way, in a (re)focusing on the task at hand… or foot

[plantyfan]

This differentiation makes so much sense. This is a fantastic video!

[TheTatlTael]

Dealing with severe compassion fatigue towards a friend who has said many times before that “everyone always leaves me eventually because I’m too much…” They’ve been through some legitimately hard things in life, especially in the past year, but I’ve (multiple times now) put my life on hold and missed opportunities for my own growth to help them. In all honesty I don’t want to be around them anymore because I don’t like the person I am with them.

[linandrea]

Could you do a video on the issues empaths and HSP face, and how to stop carrying other people’s emotional baggage?🤗
Thank you for the insightful video as always!

[victoriajankowski]

People have a hard time 'reading' people who tend to better express compassion than empathy, which I think might be common with certain nero-divergancies, I am routinely described by friends as 'cold' because my first inclination in emotionally tense situations is to shut down my 'empathy' and handle the more physical things. Had an ex show up on the doorstep in tears because a close friend had passed, while my then husband held her I called her out of work, brushed out and rebraided her floor length hair, found her clean cloths and the like, all the things a distressed person is unlikely to think of. There have been times when other people are freaking out over emergencies in my life, while I'm working the problem calmly, I'll do my freaking out later I get it from my mother I think, when her father passed it was a full year later (the anniversary) before the emotional fact of his passing hit, before that she was to busy with all the paperwork and bureaucracy to really understand it.