Why Words Fail to Describe the Pain of Borderline Personality Disorder

Ever feel like your emotions are a tangled mess and you can't find the words to explain them? This might be due to alexithymia, a condition where people struggle to recognize and describe their emotions. It’s common in those with depression and autism.

Research shows that people with borderline personality disorder (BPD) often have trouble understanding their own emotions, making social situations tough. This emotional confusion can be a strong sign of BPD.

Understanding our emotions is key to managing BPD symptoms. Therapists can help by focusing on present sensory experiences and using mindfulness techniques. This helps you observe and accept your sensations without judgment, leading to a healthier emotional experience.

By shifting your attention to sensory inputs, you can better understand your feelings. Therapists provide a supportive environment to explore and express emotions, fostering better emotional responses and overall well-being.

Daniel J. Fox, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in Texas, international speaker, and a multi-award-winning author. He has been specializing in the treatment and assessment of individuals with personality disorders for over 20 years in the state and federal prison system, universities, and in private practice. His specialty areas include personality disorders, ethics, burnout prevention, and emotional intelligence.

He has published several articles and books in these areas and is the author of:

Complex Borderline Personality Disorder: How Coexisting Conditions Affect Your BPD and How You Can Gain Emotional Balance. Available at:

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00:00 Introduction
00:35 Alexithymia
01:27 BPD vs Alexithymia
02:43 Emotional Awareness & Management
05:55 How to Find Words to Manage Feelings
06:10 Build Insight & Awareness
06:31 Mindfulness and DBT
10:44 Shift Away from Negative Components
12:44 Emotions Exercise with Website Link
13:10 Learning and Recognizing Sensory Perceptions of Emotions
13:41 Find a Mental Health Provider
14:16 Moving to an Adaptive Way of Thinking & Acting to Combat Alexithymia

[joeyjo]

I loved the part where you talk about texting. The anxiety and negative thoughts that come to you when you feel like you’re being rejected but people could just be busy.. Sometimes we are so afraid of being abandoned, we end up abandoning the entire relationship ironically causing the one thing we were trying to avoid 😅

[nathanastle]

You’ve made a huge difference in my life. Truly. My BPD has been a big mistake of darkness until I found your videos and book. It feels more clear and defined and I feel way more optimism about managing and growing with this disorder.

[heatherpratt]

Last week I was diagnosed BPD. I work in the mental health field and your channel has been very helpful in helping me accept my circumstances more gracefully. Thank you!!

[loveahusky]

As a person with BPD as well as an empath, i know when ppl don't like me. I can see how they respond to others' vs how they respond to me. The iPhone response "loved" or "liked" is a massive trigger. It just means that that person doesn't care enough to respond. My in laws notoriously show pics of their favorite child/grandchildren and when i send pics, no response for days. If we are in person, she is completely disinterested and distracted. I would rather be lonely because i feel even lonlier in most people's presence. I am an RN and know 2 way vs 1 way communication. Rarely do ppl listen but rather i feel like most people are narcissistic and only speak about themselves. I do not feel safe around people.

[patriaciasmith]

Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.

[darkskill]

I always have trouble managing and trying to explain what I'm feeling. But even harder is when I'm trying and nobody listens

[rochellenellist]

I worked through your workbook for BPD in 2022 during a very hard time of my life. I had lost my 20 year old daughter in 2020, got involved in an abusive relationship, and was suicidal. You literally helped save my life. I still struggle but now I have hope. Thank you.

[drb]

Excellent video thank you for bringing awareness to the often self-inflicted nature of these dynamics, and the ways to manage without always projecting on others.

[stephbowler]

Thank you for your videos. They are so informative and you describe how I feel about things. I relate to when people don't text me back right away and how hurtful that can feel. I appreciate you giving the helpful solution about mindfulness as well

[ruthie_chie]

No matter how much you try to convince yourself that it’s not you maybe they’re busy… the painful anxious feeling doesn’t go away. NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY. The only ways out is to block them or turn your phone off or delete the messaging app. As soon as you do. Your whole body feels better all the pain goes away and you feel like you can finally breathe

[speedyspeedgirl]

I found a piece of smooth rock under the carpet in one of my classes in the kindergarten when i was 5 years old. i loved that rock so much that i kept it to this day (am 29 now) and for the past few years have been using it as an aid in my mindfulness practice.

[bryanmccaffrey]

It would be amazing if we could catch the development of this in teenage kids before it ruins lives. Is there any kind of screening that happens in schools for disorders? I'm seeing more of a link to the critical moments in lifespan development. This would really throw things off if not treated.

[mystrose]

My therapist talks about mindfulness just about every time I see him. He wants me to feel my big toe lol. It's hard to be in the moment tho and even harder when I have a lot going on in my head. I'm trying to practice mindfulness, but I feel like it's not working a lot of the time. I'm going to attend a DBT/CBT therapy group for 3 weeks (5 days a week for 6hrs a day) and hopefully, I'll get more insight into it. They do a guided mindfulness meditation in the morning, and they teach coping skills. Thanks for making this video, it was really good.

[SASKHIAMENENDEZ]

I always appreciate your knowledge and advice, makes so much sense and really helps me have so much more of a greater understanding of myself .. x

[MattJay.]

When you brought out the AirPods case and then started flicking it open and closed I was literally already doing it, I do it all the time and focus on how it feels

[aldebaranredstar]

Great video! Living in the fog is such a great way to describe the inner mental landscape. About people who don’t text back, what if it’s your cousin and you never get an answer? That’s happened to me so many times. Does that mean I should stay away from that person? So hard to identify emotions and express them, something that I was never taught how to do in a family where “little children should be seen and not heard” was considered a good thing. Thanks also for explaining mindfulness. I never really understood what it was.❤️❤️❤️

[grabbelton]

I have it. Ass/ ADHD . Dont know if i love him, mis him or hate him..its a problem.

[amandalovely-orzp]

Why do you call it family in the head? Is it because we got those negative thoughts from our family members?

[bogdanlazar]

You are very sweet and huggable. Hope you get a lot of hugs from your loved ones :D :) I hope you have a nice weekend :)

[kennethmullen-qehg]

WHATEVER I want...? From this day forward, I shall call them... Breeze Peas...lol!




Gotta catch em ALL! Breeze-E-Peas! LmMFaO! ;) :P :o)