5 Things you DON'T ask a Van Life Comedian

5 Things you Don't ask a Van Life Comedian

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I've toured North America out of a Mazda 3, spent 2 years exploring the United Kingdom out of a broken down Citroen Berlingo, and lived out of a Volkswagen Transporter in Australia during lockdown 2020.
This week's video is based on a bit I've kicked around on stage a couple times dealing with the things you shouldn't ask a vanlifer.
Every Wednesday, I release a video update in the life of this comedy cowboy, so you can get a glimpse into what people are calling 'living the dream.' Laced with an original score by Andrew Watson, grab a front seat beside this pavement pounding comic that never leaves the road.

5 Things you DON'T ask someone Living in a Van | Stand up Comedian in a Van | Van Life Jokes
#Vanlife #standupcomedy #vanlord

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Full Episode:
If you want tips on finding a great parking spot, or the best baby wipes to bath with, or know which household receptacle works best as a toilet, then I’m your freaking sensei.
But there are many contexts where a van lifer’s priorities line up way to differently to offer guidance.

ONE Vanlifers are used to living tiny, so for this reason I wouldn’t ask our council on traditional accommodations.
Where the average person may leave an Airbnb review like “Harry Potter’s room was more spacious, and he lived under the stairs!”
My review may read “what a generous space, could stand up completely straight in living room, plus fully functional toilet that you can use without asking for a code from a Barista 5 stars.”
True story, I nearly killed a fellow comic because when he asked me about a comedy club’s accommodations I said ‘you get a room to yourself with a mattress on the floor’ not mentioning that the house has well over 100 felines on the property which he is deathly allergic to.
TWO Taking a recommendation on a restaurant is also something you should be weary of as well. Great food, is great food, but for many Vanlifers spending a few hours indoors means the restaurants needs to shine in other areas.
Trip Advisor restaurant review above mine may read “My dog wouldn’t eat this crap which is saying something because he literally eats his own. Hot garbage!”
While my review may be “Food was hot. Plus restaurant let me charge my laptop, phone, and electric toothbrush right at the table. 5 Stars!”
THREE I’ve got vans in three different countries, but despite having real estate all over the world, I wouldn’t recommend asking a Vanlifer’s advice on purchasing a rooted house.
You know that meme with the picture of the upset girlfriend catching her guy checking out some other girl. In that picture the angry girlfriend is whoever invited me to check out their potential new home, because I’m busy starring at a Westvallia in a neighbour’s parking lot.
Whilst you’re picturing your family in the open concept kitchen, I’m on the driveway contemplating if the trees will provide enough shade from the sun when it rises and noting the lack of convenient places to plug in.
FOUR Purchasing a new car. I know surprising little about vehicles considering the amount of them I’ve lived in, but even if the vanlifer in your life is mechanically sound, our first instinct when looking at a vehicle is to contemplate a floor plan.
While you’re asking about financing, I wanna know what size mattress fits in the back.
Auto trader review above mine “The salesman tried to sell my family a high milledge Dodge Caravan without any back seats. When I told him I have kids, he said here I’ll throw a bed in the back!”
My review “Lots of life left in this Caravan, plus it came already furnished. 5 Stars”
FIVE I’m a little ashamed to admit this but not long ago and I saw a beautiful blue Ford Transit with a high roof drive by me and I couldn’t help but whistle… which confused the heck out of the guys on the construction site. Objectifying cargo vans isn’t progressive thinking because not all Cargo Vans want to be homes! Some like being on a steak out with the police, many like working for Amazon, and some shuttle passengers with Ride share.
Ride share review above mine
“Way too crowded & cramped for a 5 hour drive.”
My review “this house party was lit, I woke up in a different city. 5 stars”

[cherylross]

You always provide solid travel recommendations! My number one advice: the handicap stall in public bathrooms sometimes have a sink so you can bathe in private.

[TheEarthangel]

Nice surprise to see my little face in there right at the start 😂 Lots of funny stories here! Hilarious 😆

[quash]

Suite bit. And I woke up in another city: this why flying seems magical.

[noglenogle]

Hilarious! Great job here. Great job !

[suzannewatson]

Truly enjoyed the realities of this post. Made me laugh, evaluate, and think about your cool perspective ! Xoxo

[kriskingsbury]

Time travel ride share ! Chandlers are nothing to be trifled with.

[sampatterson]

Omg bro don’t go back to Aus. Canada is the dream. I’ll be back there as of dec 17 argh