Toothbrush

when did you accept that it was really over?

The Moment I Threw Your Toothbrush Away

Confession: I’ve accidentally used your toothbrush a few times
I can never remember what color I am!

Except at your place, where obviously, I’m the pink one
“I didn’t get it cause you’re a girl,” You said

But now, I know exactly which is yours
I pick up the green one next to my blue

Clutch it in my hands like a bible over an open fire
Knowing if I let go, I’m admitting There is no God.

That turning our backs on this temple does nothing.

No more of your silly Egyptian dance by the sink
Hips knocking together, bones locking in tune
Open mouths laughing, minty kisses collecting the sound

Everything we held sacred turns to sin.

Wrapping your long arms around me from behind
Wiggling your eyebrows at our naked form in the mirror
Singing hymns into my hair.
The quirks that make up our church.

I close my eyes and try to feel you out there
Across the concrete river between us
in your basement sanctuary, maybe
you’re holding my pink toothbrush in your hand too
wondering what to do

I don’t feel you.
I used to feel you out there. Always.
Even when you were half a world away.

But believing in us is blasphemy
if you don’t believe
in me

With a silent prayer,
I let the toothbrush fall from my fingers
into the trash.

--

animated by Bethany Radloff

music by Alexander Arntzen

[BuddyL]

It's those "it's really over" moments... they're both a relief AND the most painful.💔

[AnthonyPadilla]

another incredible video. you are really stepping it up and i am living for this revolution.

[luciacesarbraceras]

You were blessed with a good man for a while. And you blessed him with your intimate, soultouching company. Now it's time to move on to what comes next. It's life, my beautiful internet sister. Don't feel too bad for too long. Hugs

[ozlem]

"I don't feel you, I used to feel you out there... always, even when you were half a world away"

[Lettie]

When you said "believing in us is blasphemy if you don't believe in me" was when it got to me completely. This was beautiful. Thank you for sharing this with us.

[aestheti]

I recently went through one of the hardest breakups of my life and I listen to this daily and it reminds me that I’m okay, and I will be okay.

[Cheeewing]

In the middle of what feels like a break up talk, I can't avoid crying. Beautiful

[ScottWaa]

Throwing away the last remaining items of a past relationship always lingers. Always tragic. Love your videos and messages

[wophful]

This is so great. The choice to use words related to religion like, bible, sin, temple and church had me thinking. God = the relationship, that’s why you said “knowing if I let go, I’m admitting there is no god” there is no god as in there is no relationship.

My favorite part is when you said “believing in us would be blasphemy” because you’re admitting it’s not a relationship or in the religion metaphor you’re admitting it’s not a god. To believe in a false god in religion is blasphemy. This poem really has me geeking over its symbolism.

[TheGroovyGuitarDude]

Wow. It is so incredible and heavy. This hit home today 😔

[TampaJohn]

That awkward moment after you’ve already thrown away the green toothbrush, that you remember his was the blue one.

[mintyfresh]

I had goosebumps all over my body when she dropped the toothbrush... This is just beautifully sad.

[LukeAlexander]

I wish I could relate but ive never been in love😔

[nicolemarie]

the animations are absolutely incredible!

[tolkienblack]

It's too dang early for me to be crying over a relationship that isn't mine

[katehorita]

Emotionally moving, fantastically animation and perfectly executed/performed by Anna I LOVE IT

[dawlatc]

This made me catch feelings for something I could’ve sworn I was over

[mrspokitstheriot]

To answer you question in the description: I didnt.

I never had that "come to Jesus" moment when I realized that was it.
Even after the cold way he treated me.
Or the short texts had send that were never open ended.
Even when my mom said he came in to see her and had someone else with him.

When I was laying in a hospital bed actually dying, after my mom was told I'd likely not make it through the night, I begged my mom to call him. She tried. But all she had saved in her phone was an old house number that was disconnected. I knew if she had gotten through, he'd be there. When I finally had a way to call, I was doing better, so I didn't. I saw him a few short weeks later by chance, after my fourth surgery of the year, I still said nothing, and acted normal.

Even three years later. I still hadn't had that "shit it's really over" moment.

Even though he seemed to have moved on.

Even though he seemed free.

I had to have a pretty big surgery in March 2013. And it didn't go too great. So a couple days after getting home, I texted him.

"Hey i just had surgery. And recovery sucks. Wanna come keep me company?"

He responded.

And he came.

That was just over 5 years ago, in less than a week, we were engaged. Were celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary in less than a month.

Sometimes, when two people are unable to move on, maybe, just maybe, it's our hearts' way of telling us that it's not over yet.

[cinemoni]

this is so beautiful. One of my favorite videos from you.

[JKeliseKim]

This is so beautifully done. Even the smallest thing can trigger a lot of thoughts / memories in this kind of situation i guess. Thanks for sharing this with us Anna.