joke: the best golf joke ever

This joke was rated 5 stars by jack Palmer, Arnold Nicklaus, Tiger Scheffler, and Scottie Woods. Unfortunately Billy Casper thought it didn't have a ghost of a chance of achieving popularity and to his surprise it is the best golf joke on youtube if i say so myself... I just said it.

[paulfrombrooklyn]

I played golf the other day wearing a old pair of socks. I had a hole in one.

[bradleystereoguitaramplifi]

Today I found myself playing golf with a much older gentleman I had never met. As we played down the ninth hole that bordered the road, a large funeral procession came by us. The gentleman stopped and turned toward the line of cars going by and took off his hat and bowed his head. I said wow that's very respectful... He said it's the least I could do...We were married for over thirty years!

[tkdunn]

Best one ever that is actually true, happened at a Senior Skins game many years ago. Lee Trevino and Chi Chi Rodriguez were walking down the fairway after their drives when Trevino noticed a few porta potties near the cart path. He yelled over to Chi Chi, "Hey Chich! I see they're building a new Puerto Rican condo development back there!" Chi Chi yelled back, "I see that and I heard they're renting out the basements to the Mexicans!"

[colby]

This is an old Henny Youngman joke: 80 year old retiree golfer goes to the club to play some golf. He says, is there anyone who can be a caddy for me? I don't have good eyesight to keep track of the ball after I hit it. Another retiree, 88, says, I'll go with you. I've got perfect eyesight. So they go out and the guy hits the first ball. It sails out pretty far and he asks the caddy, did you see where it landed? The caddy says yeah. The guy says, okay, where it it. The caddy says, I forgot. 😆

[drjay-]

it is beyond my comprehension that so many people have actually viewed my joke. if you enjoyed it view some of my others and subscribe. thanks

[dukekaboom]

An American comes over to Scotland and visits one of the many courses. He says he’d like to play but doesn’t have anyone in his party who plays golf. A couple of guys tell him to phone Jock and the give him Jocks number. The American calls Jock and explains his situation, Jock says, sure, no problem, I’ll meet you at 8 o’clock but I may be 30 minutes late. Eight o’clock the next morning Jock turns up, takes out a set of left handed clubs, plays the American and wins the round. The American didn’t expect to lose and offers Jock another game. Jock says sure no problem, I’ll meet you at 8 o’clock but I may be 30 minutes late. Next day Jock arrives at 8 o’clock this time with right handed clubs, p, AWS the American and wins again. The American feels annoyed and asks” hey what’s going on, one day you play with left handed clubs the next day right handed clubs, what’s going on here. Jock explains....”in the morning when I wake up next to my beautiful wife, I look and see if she’s lying on her left side or right side and whichever it is that’s the clubs I used to play. The American says “ what if she’s lying on her back? Jock replies “ then I’ll be 30 minutes late !😎🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

[Robert-tsef]

Here’s the BEST golf joke and it’s clean. Two golfers had golfed together for years and they said that whoever dies first and gets to heaven, they have to let the other know if there is any golf in heaven and what are the courses like. So one dies and a few days later he contacts the other guy who’s still alive and tells him that he has some good news and some bad news. The guy who’s alive asks him what is the good news? And the guy in heaven replies, it’s fantastic up here, the golf courses are fabulous, there’s no one holding you up or on your tail waiting and your ball never goes into the water or any bunkers. The guy who’s alive says, that sounds pretty good but what’s the bad news and the guy in heaven says “You’re teeing off with me at 08:12 on Thursday.

[tek]

Your delivery and comic timing is impeccable.

[LesterCzocher]

2 seniors playing golf one morning came upon a par 5. Zeke hits first. His eyesight is not good and asks Jim, who has good eyesight, to watch his shot. Zeke hits his drive, then asks Jim if he saw his ball land. “.Where did the ball land, Jim?” Jim replies, “I forgot!”

[hughmanatee]

I know a man who took up golf to keep away from drinking.
He ended up taking up drinking to keep away from golfing.

[fjm]

Four old fellows in their 80’s played for decades when one passes away. The three go to the pro and say ‘We need a fourth. But he has to be our age and have good vision because none of can see well.’

Pro says ‘There’s a new member looking to join a group, he’s in his mid 80’s, and he has eyes like an eagle.’

They all go to the first tee and one of the originals says ‘I’ll test this guy’. He hits his drive and all turn to the new guy and say ‘Did you see it?’

New guy says ‘Yup, I have eyes like an eagle.’

Guys are thrilled and say ‘Great!! Where did it go?’

New guy says ‘I don’t remember…’

[ElliotNesterman]

A fellow comes into the clubhouse after his round and in the locker room he sees a friend with a bloody bandage around his head.
"Jerry, " the fellow says, "What happened to you?!"
"It's this way, Sam, " replies Jerry. "I was on the thirteenth hole and had what I thought was a good lie after my drive, but it must have been tilted or something 'cause I sliced it deep into the trees.
"So I'm in the trees looking for my ball, and there's a lady there looking for hers. She must have been there for a while, because I didn't even see her when I teed up. So we're looking, and looking, and getting closer and closer to the edge of the course and pretty soon I was right up against the fence.
"Now, you know there's that cow pasture on the other side and when I get to the fence there's a cow standing with its back to the course with a golf ball stuck in its asshole.
"So I looked at it and I see it's a Spalding Red Dot. Now, I'm not playing a Spalding Red Dot, I'm playing a Titleist. So I pointed to it and said, "Hey, Lady, does that look like yours?"
"And that's when she hit me with her nine iron."

[overlycreative]

Doc, I just found your channel and find your humor clever and thoughtful, thanks for posting, I see from your channel you're doing well.

[kevinlindsay]

A Golfer slices his tee shot into the weeds off the tee. Going to find his ball he sees a bunch of wild flowers and starts rustling around to find his ball. While he's rustling around in the flowers a genie pops up from the flowers. The genie says " I am the genie of these buttercup flowers " I've been stuck in the buttercups for a long time and now I'm free. For your kindness in freeing me from these buttercups I can grant you a lifetime of free butter! The golfer is amazed and says "thank you so much, but where were you on hole 4 when I hooked my ball into the pussywillow."

[TheGlssr]

Here's a better one. Jesus and Moses are playing golf. They're on a par 3 hole and Jesus pulls out a 7 iron. Moses tells him he needs at least a 6 iron. Jesus says, "Look, Arnold Palmer can hit this with a 7 and so can I." He hits the ball and it goes in the water. Moses walks over, parts the water and goes in and retrieves the ball. Moses says "Now use the 6 like I said." Jesus replies, "No, if Arnold can do it then so can I." He hits the ball into the water again. Moses goes and gets the ball the same way as before. He says, "that's the last time I'm getting the ball for you. Now use the 6." Jesus tees up with the 7 and hits into the water again. Moses tells Jesus he has to get the ball himself. So Jesus walks out on top of the water and he's peering down trying to find the ball. Meanwhile the foursome behind them comes up and the after observing Jesus walking on the water one says to Moses, "Say, who does that guy think he is? Jesus Christ?" And Moses replies, "No. Arnold Palmer."

[jeanbelislecatsop]

A golfer was on the red tee when the starter told him that the red tee was for women. The golfer did not look at him an proceed to play. The starter shout loud again and repeat tha the red tees are for women. The golfer told the starter to shut up and tell him: I dont play on the red tee this is my third shot.

[jackcalder]

Police are called to a murder scene and arrive to find a man standing over his blood covered wife with a 7 iron in his hands. Police ask “what happened”!!? Guy says “I don’t know, I just snapped, couldn’t take any more moaning”. Officer says “well how many times did you hit her”? Guy replies “I don’t know, 6 maybe 7 times….put me down for 5”!!!

[Struieboy]

After I’ve had yet another terrible round, my wife tries to cheer me up by reminding me that “ golf is like sex. You don’t need to be good at it to enjoy it”
She’s not helping.

[gerrymcintosh]

Husband and wife were out playing golf. They get to the 4th hole and the wife ask if she can hit her tee shot first as the husband has to walk back 40 yards to the men’s teeing ground. After the wife’s tee shot, the husband yells ahead to move off to the side, so that he can hit his tee shot. The wife moves but the husband thinks she not off to the side enough. She says to her husband, your a good player and to go ahead. So the husband shoots off his tee shot striking the poor women in the head and killing her instantly. The autopsy confirmed she died of blunt force trauma to the head, but the coroner says, we found a ball lodged in her rectum, what’s up with that? The husband sheepishly says, that was my mulligan.

[dcozombieloverr]

you make funny jokes bro
underrated channel