How getting a PhD changed my life (and how it didn't)

Looking back on my PhD 15 years after finishing: how it changed my life, how it didn't and the lesson it's taken me a long time to learn...

[Despe_in]

I finished my PhD this year and received a postdoc. I then proceeded to absolutely collapse into depression. Can confirm that this redirection of your channel towards focus on inner states is a highly needed perspective for me, and many other academics I guess

[loudlettersu]

After finishing my PhD, I’ve felt lost and disoriented… but I decided to use this shift to launch my YouTube channel and document my life thereafter ! Life is nothing but a journey of endless learning!

[Ayesha_]

Just wanted to share a bit of my experience that I wrote as a reply to another comment, actually. So my struggles with the PhD got me into psychology first and then the realm of existential psychology, which has roots in philosophy probably more than any other 'schools' of psychology. I started with Man's Search For Meaning (Viktor Frankl's classic) and that took me into this incredibly rich philosophical world. And while, I have read some classics in this particular field and broadened my understanding of philosophy in general, a lot of has actually been through engaging with contemporary literature. YouTube channels helped as well- Two recommendations- Eric Dodson & his other lecture channel, and Emmy Van Deurzen who is a pioneer in this field (of existential psychology and psychotherapy) and also puts put her own videos that are so reassuring while simultaneously never failing to push for more resilience on our part.

I think I experienced such a profound disconnection and sense of meaninglessnes with my PhD that I got inspired and motivated to study and understand what IS meaningful to me. And didn't realise that I didn't know that at all and only when I thought of it (and ironically) through academic engagement with the philosophy and psychology of MEANING, did I get a better handle over why I hated my PhD experience so much. And I had to have a conversation with myself while also keeping the option of quitting the PhD open, which I decided eventually not to take.

This engagement with existential psychology and psychotherapy, and eventually philosophy behind it have been such a massive support and an anchor for me through challenging times and my mental health in general, which was going to the dogs. I did therapy but the more conventional CBT types just did not cut it for the deepest questions that i needed to work through. I had to do things my way and take responsibility for myself after my therapist pushed me to a see psychiatrist because she couldn't make much of my issues (most of it was related to PhD). And the psychiatrist was just going to diganose with an anxiety disorder or whatever. Now i am not saying these options are bad options to take, but it is also important to understand that appropriate mental health care can be hard to find, so don't just go believing you need to take pills, engage with the problem. Don't just get trapped with the feeling of - "I just can't seem to get this done, so I MUST be inherently incapable and defective, and of course, my problem could have nothing to do with this particular circumstance". Explore this big resistance that you're feeling- with self-compassion, with curiousity, and with as much objectivity as you can. But Try! Ask- 'Why is it so hard for me?' and listen to yourself; Treat your intuition and inner voice with the respect that it deserves. See where it's guiding you. That is what set me on this path of understanding myself better.

Also, while work is important, your life is not just your PhD. You are NOT just your PhD. (For the logically inclined- YOU THE PERSON =/= Your PhD; YOUR LIFE =/= Your PhD)..You're a living, breathing, existing being with potential and it can be realised in more ways than you might be thinking of at the moment. The PhD becomes our universe but that's just not what the reality is. We lose perspective- that we are ALIVE and a part of a mysterious process which will end one day.

I'm going to end with this quote that i read in a book prologue (don't know who the author is). "People ask me what I want to do with my life as though I'm something separate from life. I am life; I'm alive. I'm living, doing, flowing, moving, growing, changing, dying, happening."

Yikes- I did not know how much i had written. This comment got LONG!

Edit: Thank you to all who took the time to read this. I'm happy to see this resonated with others too! I hope I have been a help to you.

[larslarson]

this inspired me to take a pause and spend some time on the meditation cushion before jumping into my research this morning. thank you! i would love to see a video on something like time management vs mental energy management. i feel like my greatest challenge isn't that i don't have enough time, but that i often overdraft my mental energy budget. exercise and meditation are great examples of something that feels like it "takes time" but really it "makes time."

[UKEducatedLady]

I’m in the last 6 months before submission and needed this. Thank you.

[bthomson]

Driven? Never satisfied? Suffering from others' expectations of you? So many young people have never had a calm, self-satisfied moment! By pure luck I have had almost nothing but! Never achieved that much but always felt quite satisfied and even rather proud! Part of the secret is low expectations but another part is living in the moment - what Ekart Tolle calls the "now." I have always done this with no effort and great outcomes.

[Truongmaivan]

I will be having my final defense in two days. Looking back, it was a journey filled with a rollercoaster of emotions. There were undoubtedly challenging moments along the way. But now, despite overcoming numerous difficulties, I find myself at a crossroad. I feel uncertain about my future as a researcher and find myself feeling stuck, unsure of which path to pursue. By the way, I have been documenting the beautiful memories of my final days as a PhD student in Japan by creating videos on YouTube. It's my way of cherishing these moments and reminding myself that everything will be alright. Wishing the best of luck to all of you on your own journeys.

[angelasarkar]

So grateful to have come across your channel at the right moment of my PhD life🙏

[morganeua]

Ooh, this is definitely something I'm interested in. I make videos about PhD mindset occasionally, but I'm in the middle of one, so there's only so much advice I can give. I have a few ideas for you about things that have made completing the PhD difficult for myself or people I know. One would be how to keep going when you're deep enough into the PhD that you want to finish, but also deep enough to now know that academia is not the career path you want - which makes finishing feel a bit pointless. Another would be how to get excited about PhD work in a field where the dominant thinking in the field conflicts with your own thinking (different ideologies around what is good or correct or different political leanings, or whatever) - so, going against the grain feels lonely or pointless, but going with the grain means harder work, maybe disagreement from colleagues, and not working with your own interests in mind.

[ajourneytogrowth]

An amazing video! It is really insightful to hear you talk about the mental sides of the journey and relate it back to the very reason we live

[thunderpizza]

Please make more videos about this 6:30. Similarly I feel a distinct inner peace when writing my thesis (currently working on it this term). Despite what I said, replication of that feeling outside of writing has become overwhelmingly difficuly. It doesn't matter if it's research, I need to be invested in the project. Time and Energy matter significantly, too.

The world moves so fast these days. It's hard to keep up with events that may morally require my attention, especially daily tasks that must be done.

Needless to say I'm interested in how you've (and others) managed to overcome similar boundaries.

thanks for reading

[JalalUdDin-fodb]

Sir, I have been watching your videos for more than 2 years. Getting a PhD degree was my dream but my grades in the master degree (MA English literature) was terrible so i was not illegible for a PhD. Then kinda mirracle happened and i got my admission in it 5 weeks ago. Now i am doing my PhD. I am so happy for it. But tbh i know nothing. And my memory is bad nowadays that i think that i may have dementia or something. But we don’t have some good psychiatric here in our therefore i am not consulting them. But i am striving to do it anyway. No matter what, i will try my best. I am watching your videos. It helps me a lot and give me hope and it motivates me lot. Thanks for such a great videos. A lot of love and respect. Thanks doctor ❤😊

[blondscientist]

I think it could be a good niche for you on YT. I haven't seen anything like it and I have been searching extensively because I am struggling a lot. In my final month before submission in genomics PhD now as a mature student trying to make a career shift to bioinformatics from virology. I am very academia averse and for that reason I resonate with Stapelton's message and appreciate his advice. I feel like he found a nice niche for "academia haters" which I have not seen before. What you touched upon here is definitely my struggle and you just confirmed for me it is a problem bigger than my PhD. It was just exacerbated by the PhD. I see now it will not go away if I don't solve it. Yes - there is a lot of similar content on YT but your physics degree and almost identical PhD experience are selling points for me to value your point of view more than others'. 👍

[nurkleblurker]

The concept you're touching on is mindfulness. Having a peaceful inner state is a subject as old as history

[elevatenursing]

I have listened through and I relate with using this process as a distractor. It is closely similar to an experience in the masters program. Thank You for sharing!

[TheoPhysics]

Thank you very much for the video, this hits really close to home. I’m currently just starting the 2nd year of my PhD at a top UK uni, and despite having this external image of success, I have this deep-seated unhappiness which has me questioning whether I should continue with the PhD.

You mentioned that you moved to the Alps for a postdoc - it had been my dream to move abroad to the Alps for my PhD (e.g. Grenoble, Zurich, Lausanne). After 4 years of miserable grind in London, I knew this was the change I needed to have that inner state of happiness during my PhD. However, when the UK PhD offer came through, family pressure and the idea external image of success pushed me to accept.

For the past year I have really tried to make it work, but despite this I still don’t have that inner happiness here. This leaves me with a difficult decision to make - do I continue on with the PhD potentially being internally unhappy for the duration (2.5 more years), or do I call it quits now, closing all the doors that might come from this PhD in the future in search for inner happiness?

If you read all this and have any advice, do let me know :)

[gaggablagblag]

This is true not only for PhD, but for work-life balance in general. True insightful channel, keep it real.

[wearenotinocean]

This is some incredible stuff. Thanks for posting!

[seangraham]

NOIIICEEE! I have no PHD so didn't know what to expect but the bigger came through. Thank you. Will be following. ;)

[kkhalifah]

Started grad school after 20 years of working and I found I loved being a part-time grad school student so much that I went on to do my postgrad part-time after publishing my work. And I'm still loving it -- it's the thrill of the journey that makes a 50-year-old fart like me feel so alive and youthful again. But I'm starting to wonder what will happen when this too is done?