Ordinary People (Movie Analysis) | Was Dr. Berger a Good Therapist?

This video answers the question: Can I analyze mental health and personality factors in the 1980 film “Ordinary People?”

American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). Arlington, VA: Author.

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[LV-bkit]

I've never forgotten this movie - Timothy Hutton is amazing. The scene where his mother won't stand next to him during a family photo is heartbreaking. Something I can relate to.

[anandprahlad]

Not many movies age this well. Still a great watch after 40 years!

[SummaGirl]

Calvin's backstory, which you only know if you have read the book, is HUGE. He was orphaned and never had a family as a child - hence his Herculean, and futile, efforts to keep his family together as an adult. This film was so important to me as a child. For the first time, I realized that my belief that my mother was incapable of loving me was not my imagination. MTM WAS my mother. I still watch this movie regularly because it's so cathartic. I just wish I had had a Dr. Berger (or a Dr. Grande) in my life.

[kdelka]

It's so hard to grieve as a family when we each grieve in our own ways.

[seabreeze]

What stood out to me was that Beth was such a cold mother that she didn’t see the suffering of her youngest son - in the trauma he had endured from going through the accident itself, from seeing his older brother, whom he also greatly loved and admired, die, and from the survivors guilt he felt and the effect that had on him. She could only see her own suffering. She couldn’t even see her husband’s suffering. As Conrad finally came to understand with Dr Berger’s help, what he had done wrong was that he’d hung on, i.e., survived.

[Meowziez]

I couldn't watch but I gave a thumbs up. When I was 3, I saw my brother, 5, run over/dragged by a streetcleaner. That was the day I became invisible. My father said it should've been me, how much he wanted to kill me and tried often (said til I ran from home) My mom hid in a bottle and never once protected me. We made peace a couple years ago and are good friends now. With your style, I'm positive you did an excellent exploration of facts with OCEAN thrown in for good measure. I've had decades of therapy but wish I could find one with your style. I broke the cycle in my family so it has a happy ending. I'll be a work in progress forever. Almost succeeded in suicide. Life support, coma. I'm so grateful I lived. Now I do peer to peer support. Thank you for all you do Dr. Grande.

[iconoclastforever]

Ordinary People is both a very good book and movie, and I found the doctor's role very interesting. His best line was, in my opinion, "If you can't feel pain, you can't feel anything else, either."

[iamlight]

Ordinary People; narcissistic mother: cold, distant, disapproving. She resents her not favorite son for being the one who survived instead of the gold child that made her proud. Superficial woman and perfectionist, her surviving son putting a wrinkle in her life by having mental health issues. Not a warm, affectionate and consoling/comforting mother. The enabling father finally realizes that this woman is incapable of loving and leaves her especially for the sake of his son. One of the best movies on maternal narcissism.

[robinabner]

Ugh this movie resonates with me. I lost two brothers at a young age. We weren't allowed to talk about it back then. My adult life, it turns out was plagued with PTSD. I ended up in long term counseling and antidepressants. I'm now older but better mentally. There is hope for those that have experienced great loss.

[robinrubendunst]

Everyone loved affable, handsome, athletic, Buck. The golden boy. Even Conrad. He wasn’t envious or jealous. The accident was the sailboat tipped over, and Buck couldn’t hold on as long as Conrad could. So, Buck, in essence, failed, and Conrad proved “better” than his older brother.

It’s a very sad movie. MTM gave a terrifying performance. She’s not a monster, and not really manipulative. But she’s cold, and angry, and hurting, and she misses Buck, and she doesn’t really love Conrad unconditionally as she does Buck.

The cork is in very tight on her bottle.

[SueP-D]

Years ago I took a Death and Dying class when I was getting my BS Degree at University of Maryland. The professor had us watch this movie, and we had some very enlightening conversations afterwards.

[caroldenino]

Beth viewed Buck as the Golden Child. Conrad was viewed as the Scapegoat. Overall this is very common in families. Ordinary People is one of my favorite movies.

[jenlovesjesus]

I started to watch your analysis, but I didn't want the spoilers, so I watched the film for the first time tonight. I loved it! It is well-written, well-directed, and well-acted. Calvin is my favorite character, too. I find it refreshing that the father is so caring.
Likewise, I find the character Beth interesting. She is cold and emotionally unavailable. It's like she won't allow herself to feel what she's feeling. Then, when Conrad hugs her and she won't hug him back....it left me breathless.

[kimberlysweidy]

"Ordinary People" is not a movie. It's a Transformative Experience. Forty years later, and my opinion has not changed. (I was 20 when I saw it; I turn 60 this year.) "Schindler's List" is also a Transformative Experience.

[davidbrienlantry]

Mary Tyler Moore's performance in this movie is chilling. I too watched this film in an English class while in High School. I remember being shocked at Mary Tyler Moore's character. It was unnerving, even for a teen aged me.

[beeimaginative]

I think this was one of Donald Sutherland’s best roles. It was nuanced and sensitive. Interesting to analyze a therapeutic movie role. Good analysis as usual Dr. Grande.

[lesliematteis]

I disagree with you about Beth. It was clear from many of the flashbacks, that Buck was her favorite. Conrad was her child. What she couldn’t forgive Conrad for, was not that he made a mess of her carpet, but that he had survived, and Buck died. She left because Calvin saw who she really was. She knew that Calvin loved his son, . and was unwilling to abandon him. Conrad did try to reach out to her, but she had no love for him. Conrad met the friend that killed herself in the mental institution.

[jack_k]

My parents TO-A-TEE. I was in HS when this came out and I remember my parents quarreling over it. I think it was my father's comment that MTMs hairstyle looked like my mom's that didn't go well at all, and it spiraled from there. Great job as usual Dr. Grande

[alanefideler]

This is one of my all-time favorite movies, ever since I was in high school. My family has dealt with a lot of tragic loss (both accidents and suicide) and mental illness. I identified so much with Conrad as a teenager, and I identify with him now in my 30s. I'm very lucky in the sense that both my parents were like Calvin, although I know many Beths in my family and friend group. This movie is not one I can watch a lot because it gets to be a bit triggering if I am not in a great place mentally. It's been almost 3 years since my last suicide attempt and it's been almost 5 since I last self-harmed. I very much keep Conrad in my heart, and I like to think I live my life and persevere the way he might've after the movie. Thanks again for your videos!

[longwhitemane]

Thank you for helping me understand this movie better than I ever have. 😊 I don't remember when I saw "Ordinary People, " but the character of Beth was maddening for me. It seemed like the writers gave Beth all of my mother's worst traits: keeping everything private, a simmering rage just below the surface, & her inability to express that rage. My mom would give me the silent treatment and withhold affection for months at a time. I want movies to be entertaining, not remind me of what I have to deal with in real life.