Overcoming ADHD RESISTANCE to Chores & Life Admin

In this video I'm explaining how the key to overcoming ADHD resistance to doing chores is to first understand how you FEEL about all the boring life tasks that need to happen. Then you'll be able to identify what strategies will work best for overcoming resistance to getting stuff done (and what stuff you can let go of or delegate!)

I'll be plotting all the big life and household maintenance tasks on a resistance vs enjoyment matrix, so come on the journey with me and see what you can learn about yourself!

Chapters
0:00 Preview
00:22 Chores 'depression'
02:15 In this video we'll...
02:34 Prioritization doesn't work for ADHD
03:26 The 'Doing Stuff' Matrix
07:23 Washing up
08:23 House design
09:10 Calendar management
09:45 Laundry
12:41 Dishwasher
13:25 Gardening
14:39 Watering plants
15:24 Cleaning hamster cage
16:07 Mowing Lawn
16:21 Dealing with suppliers
18:28 Life Maintenance
18:46 Managing accounts
19:13 Organising events
19:45 Restocking supplies
20:38 Dealing with post
21:45 Clearing out the fridge (pigeon interlude)
22:39 Sorting/ organising
23:34 Birthday cards/presents
24:26 Booking appointments
24:55 Taking out trash
25:14 Cleaning
26:21 Budgeting
26:37 Decluttering
28:05 Cooking
30:55 Reflections and lessons learned

*Wanna hear from me?*

*Wanna work with me?*

*Who am I? Here's my fancy pants bio...*
Rachel is an ADHD Coach & Educator on a relentless quest to help people with ADHD believe in themselves. A learner at heart, Rachel built her career in teaching, learning and development, and coaching but despite the apparent ‘success’ found herself aged 30 with her self-esteem in the pits. A diagnosis of inattentive type ADHD was the answer to an agonizing puzzle, and now she's obsessed with helping others put together the pieces of their own colourful chaotic jigsaw.

#adhd #adhdlifehacks #productivitytips #lifeadmin #procrastination

[niki.anddog]

This is so validating! Making charts like this are really helpful for me. People say I spend too much time thinking about how to do something instead of just doing it. If it were that easy, I would just do it. Asking questions like this really helps me figure out how to do tasks, including how to modify them to be less awful.

[TheSlinq]

As someone with ADHD who loves plants, I have a tip for you:
Spider plants + cacti and succulents.
Two reasons - very low maintenance, they thrive on neglect. Also, care instructions are easy - always the same: don't water at all in winter, then sparingly in summer.
To those who say cacti aren't beautiful - I'd love to show you the picture of the huge flower I had on one of mine last year. Amazing thing, grows from a tiny bud to a huge flower the size of a melon in the space of 1 day, then died again equally as quickly. You can almost see it growing.
Cacti have become such a thing for me that we even had them as table centres for our wedding.

[emmaslow]

For anyone else totally distracted by this question ... the chart software shown is 'Miro'. Now to rewind and re-watch, having solved this distraction!

[Brittanykingbaird]

So happy to not feel alone. I often feel that I am just existing to tidy a house and swirl though my adult responsibilities. I always appreciate your perspective! Thank you ❤

[Iwasonceanonionwithnolayers]

I'm noticing that you (we) have a pattern of disliking responsibility. I've got really bad connotations with responsibilities. From disappointing myself and others, to having too much on my plate, to the entitlement other people sometimes have regarding things I do out of kindness (meaning they treat it as if it's something I'm responsible for.) So, the anticipation of an obligation, accepting an obligation, and sometimes doing an obligation feels icky. Maybe you (ADHDers in general) have had a similar experience.

[stephhellmer]

Love the idea of rumbling, because I'm absolutely one of those people who will save it all up until it feels like an insurmountable task, instead of doing a little bit at a time throughout the day

[CallippoShafai]

As I was watching this while hanging the laundry, I kept thinking 'same!' and ohhhh, I relate so much!
I'm also feeling guilt and shame for my plants, I love plants! And I keep buying new ones. But it's so difficult to keep them watered. And then I'm trying to revive them when they almost died...
After 10+ years I've found some species that thrive on neglect and even give flowers after I let them almost die (bougainville), they loose all their leaves, but come back to life. I love them!
Now, back to the video and to hanging my laundry 😊

[EmmaCossey]

Ok I absolutely need to do this. Also, for bedding I couldn’t recommend washable printed duvets more highly. Wash it (with spin wash), hang to dry for a couple of hours then chuck it back on the bed.

[RexyLearnStuff]

What is it with the laundry washing being all fine and fun EXCEPT putting it away. I despise it so bad. My clean laundry live in the multiple clean laundry hampers😂 I should just get a big bureau with many large drawers and just use the drawers as is. Dump it all in. Voilà. Would totally solve the problem 😂

[Klaudia.Sosnica]

What a fantastic idea! I need to try this. And what you said in the intro… 100% relatable. It feels so good to be understood by another ADHDer 😭😭

[BenjaminRetr]

Am I really about to sit down and watch a 37 minute video about ADHD resistance to chores instead of doing my chores?!... Maybe...

[carolynvillemaire]

This is so very helpful. Im very new to my ADD diagnosis. When I had my evaluation i told the doctor that inside my head there is like a battle regarding EVERYTHING I need to do. "Do it now, doi it later, i done deel like doing, well you'll never feel like doing it". And on and on and on. I would be so exhausted mentally after that internal dialogue that it would physically exhaust me. I started meditation and those battles in my mind are pretty much gone so I JUST DO THINGS. I have so much more energy. I am a financial analyst so your system of categorizing, analyzing and then strategizing really excited me. I never knew that all of the internal battle was resistance. Thank you so much. I'm now an avid follwer of yours.

[hanayamaaa]

Thanks for this! The timing of this is on point for me as I'm about to go travelling for 6 weeks and then immediately move to a new country. The amount of life admin is HORRENDOUS. Even the things that "should be fun" like getting gear for travelling I just have zero motivation to do.

Two random asides (1) totally agree with bathroom tap water point, stairs are far too much resistance 😂(2) For "put laundry on" I find the problem is I associate putting it on with taking it out, once I've committed I have to do all of it. So, solution! Waiting until there's a stupid sized pile and you have no clothes left to wear. Then I'll do it.

[Iwasonceanonionwithnolayers]

More oversharing: I really dislike phone calls. Not just the adulting ones, but all for the same reason. Phone calls require focus, being prepared, being able to recall things, and often times some form of follow-up.
I recently had to call the manufacturer of my medication to find out if it had an ingredient I'm allergic to. This required getting the manufacturer's information from the pharmacy, having my written prescription in front of me, knowing the regulation code for my meds, and a dozen other little things. All of it made the call a massive drain, and it had several follow-ups afterward.
Personal calls are the same to a lesser degree. People ask questions and expect you to have the answer in the moment. They call at random times and expect you to have the focus to attend to the conversation. It's quite a lot.
Texting allows time for thinking, silence, checking, distraction, "multi-tasking, " and expression through emotes rather than articulation.
In short, phone calls suck. They have too much pressure involved.

[xLeannex-xlwp]

My chart would look a lot the same. 1 strategy I’ve figured for the buying bday cards is to use the website I use (thortful) or similar as you can send cards to you or direct to the person and you can save their addresses on the website so no having to go through address books/messages which can be half the de-motivation, annnnd you can schedule them for a future date, and they often have buy 4 for the price of 3 and stuff. So my idea is find a date every month to check the calendar and order all the cards needed for the month ahead at the same time, if you’ll see the person before the bday send to you, if not send to them

[martineyles]

I gave up on ironing several years ago. Smart shirts (thin with lots of polyester) resist creases and casual shirts just look more casual.

[cathewings]

This is another great video Rachel well done you!! I literally feel like word for word you've said what goes on in my head on a daily basis!! I have some tips that have helped me and thought I'd share:
1) routinery app, every day I have 20minutes to rumble, that's sweep, put a load of laundry on, dishes pickup all the crap. Because there is a countdown on the app it motivates me to do it.
2) same app for cleaning, I've split it into two tasks a day. For example today was hoover and mop. Again I have 20 minutes to do it.
3) I give myself an hour a week to do all life's crappy admin, using the countdown to motivate me. I've found using the app I get things done quickly and gives me more time for the things that actually matter e.g. playing with my kids and hobbies.
4) laundry is the bain of my life!! I do four people's and I now wash each person's separately so I don't have to sort it. Also folding it into categories straight of the line helps too then I literally shove it wherever it lives!!
5) love plants but if they can't survive a few months without water they're not welcome here.
6) monthly shops, Mr Cat does this with me because I hate deciding on food and live off scrambled eggs. Also fulfills the thrill of restocking things ☺️
7) I don't do cards and presents anymore but extend an invitation to do something with the loved one instead. Literally hate organising cards and gifts, everyone these days has everything they want.
8) I work in procurement and have to deal with suppliers all the time, I like you actually hate it and hate bloody phone calls!! I do as much as poss by email, then you have everything in writing in case things go wrong.
MEH is definitely the right word for most of these tasks and consistency is really bloody hard. ADULTING SUCKS!!!

[Alice_Vail]

This is brilliant, thank you. A couple of thoughts I had while watching: I’m going to list out 25 tasks that need/want to be done each week and apply them to this matrix to help prioritize and break them up into 5 tasks/day in descending order of difficulty/resistance. The other thought I had was that I’d love to figure out a way to simplify this into a system for my ADHD 8 year old to use for himself.

[misannnnn]

This was so validating! I'd definitely love to get a template if possible!

[futurebillionaire]

I identified with this so much (although some of my responses to tasks were opposite to yours and some were identical) at the point you were talking about finding and interacting with suppliers I had to take a pause because I felt too squirmy about my absolute hatred for this task. I would love a template for this, I was so inspired I was going to make my own on lucid spark.