The Pressure Is On: Is Getting Married in Your 20s Too Young?

Is getting married in your 20s too young? We weigh in on the pros and cons of marrying young.

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[JessicaPettway]

I hate that society makes it seem like your 20's is the time where you make all your mistakes, kiss a bunch of ugly frogs, get your heart broken a million times and then some how, miraculously in your 30's you are ready to settle down with the right person. Why do we normalize dysfunction before we get to experience joy?? I met my husband when I was 18, we got married when I was 23, we just celebrated our 11 year anniversary. I wouldn't change a thing! I'm glad I missed out on all those unnecessary heartbreaks, and toxic men. We put ourselves through unnecessary pain because we listen to societies philosophy on love. Listen to me, God has your soul mate waiting for you and you will not have to experience a bunch of mess in your 20's just to meet the right person. All the people that I know who adapted thos philosophy of your 20's being your "wild" years, are living right now with so much pain, regret, unwanted pregnancies, guilt and unhappiness. Just please, be wise and patient and thr right one will find you.💕

[princessak]

I completely agree with Adrienne. Not everyone wants to be at the party till 12am. I got married at 23 and it was the best decision for me and we are so incredibly happy with eachother.

[raspyjeane]

People say 20’s is too young to be married but will be living with a man, having his children without any of the security marriage can bring.

[crystalsnow]

A person can get married at 20 and be happily married for 60 years, and a person can get married at 40 and be divorced within months. It's a personal decision, some people have no problem with getting married young. Not everyone wants to travel and you can still travel when you have kids. It's not like all the joy out of life is sucked out when you get married and/or have kids.

[jessicamiller]

I agree with Adrienne, it's situational because everyone isn't a mess in their 20s. That's one of my favorite things about myself and my life, in my 20s with a great head on my shoulders, financially and emotionally stable as well and ready to start my life. I love not being a mess in my 20s. I also feel like it sucks that it took Jeannie so long to figure it out though, not to shame her, but i feel like she might have just been one of those people that took a while to get herself together. I don't want to wait (or take) until 40 to figure myself out and to get my life on track, I understand that we're always learning and growing but I would just hate to not have things be in a great place until my 40s.

[haisjw]

I agree with A. Not everyone has the same goals and aspirations. If you finish college by 22, have a career, and have found the one in college. You can absolutely marry in your 20s. Just because You didn’t find yourself till your 40s does not mean the same for someone else. Not to mention kids. It sucks but true that we have a fertility clock. Not everyone can afford or succeed with IVF. If you want kids young and find the right person for you in your 20s then go ahead.

[AnnaC-lhvb]

20's is a vast decade though. There's a huge difference between getting married at 20 vs getting married at 29. If the person has completed their education, travelled and gotten to know themselves and what they want I don't see anything wrong with marrying in your mid-late 20s

[mandys]

Jeannie and Adrienne both made valid points. I hate that pressure is put on us to marry by a certain age, my aunt used to do that with me saying I should marry in my 20s. Let everyone move at their own pace. What worked for you won't necessarily work for me.

[piamia]

I’m 24 and I just got engaged. We’ll be getting married next year. I‘ve never been interested in traveling the world or anything like that. I just want to live a boring life, build a family, and work a career that I love. Never been a party person. Never been a person.

Whether I’m 24, 34, or 44, there will always be room for growth, and I’d be more than happy to do that with a life-long partner rather than alone. 😅

Life is too short to worry about when the right time will be. Both of my parents passed in their 40’s. I wanna live my life on my own timeline, not what society expects of me.

Get married at 19, get married at 28, get married at 45. Don’t get married. Who cares? As long as it makes you happy! 🤷🏾‍♀️

[pinkpanther]

I have a friend from highschool. She had a baby with her bf senior year. They had been together since the 10th grade. They got married in 2019 which was the year after we graduated. They now have 3 kids and are still married. They own a house, have 3 dogs and a cat, but I think that's a rare occurrence for someone to mary their highschool sweetheart and for it to work out in the long run.

[Stratusfiedx]

It depends on the person and what goals you want to accomplish. If you’ve got it together in your late 20s then that’s fine to get married. Regardless of age it has to be the right person

[ahoney]

Life is not a “one size fits all”. Many of the women and men in my family got married early. Some are still going strong decades later and a few are divorced. My aunt got married for the first time at 54 years old, while her daughter from a previous relationship got married at 24. Some of us find our soulmates early in life and some find them late. I know it’s hard but we need to stop falling for societal pressures and just live.

[Misstresbelle]

Jeanie…20 was too young FOR YOU. She’s talked about how unstable her adolescence was- not everyone has a crazy life at 20. Some people have their stuff together

[bakarikentrell]

Loni is spot on at the end about her mom. I feel the same way, as I get older I realize my mom was once a girl who had dreams and wishes and wanted to go places and see things too. She stopped her life when she had me and she gave me the BEST possible life so I could thrive today and live a bit more with a little less struggle. So I get where Loni is coming from and I use the time now as my mom gets older to show her the same love and attention, but also SACRIFICE and DEDICATION that she gave me in my early years. There has to be a balance when you love someone your entire lifetime and now the ball is in my court.

[Sarah]

Got married when I was 19. 17 years later and I am more in love with him now than the day we got married. Marriage isn’t easy at any age. But it’s nice to have known my husband this long and go through so much together. I even feel like the time goes by fast that I feel like we haven’t had enough time together. I still miss him when he’s gone on work trip and feel like time is going by so fast. It makes me said to think if I had found him in my 40s like Jeannie I would have missed out in these precious years. finding someone late in life isn’t always the best for everyone.

[saraelisabeth]

I feel like there’s a difference between 21/22 and 28/29 too so to say any age in their 20s is a bit much. Some people aren’t “partiers” anyway and are ready younger

[KeekXiongxD]

As a Hmong woman, it is normalized that couples get married young. My parents got married in their 20s & stayed together until my dad peacefully passed last year. Keep in mind they were also first generation and came to the US shortly after they survived the Secret War in Laos (1978). All they knew were each other and their love passed on to me & my sisters.

The pressure comes from our elders and siblings bc they don’t want us to be alone when they’re gone. Ageism is also a huge factor due to fertility/infertility and sperm count.

I’m in my mid-20s now and there isn’t any pressure from anyone in my family. They all encourage me to live my life and figure it out before commitment.

[tiffaraogaldez]

My husband and I got married when I was 22. This September will make us 9 years since we tied the knot. I experienced every thing with him. We are three children in and I have gotten 2 degrees during this time too. So I'd say, different strokes for different folks. No matter what age you get married you will experience trials 🤷🏾‍♀️

[juliaramalepe]

Everyone has a different path..what works for another person might not work for you. So who's to say everyone should get married at a particular age??

[dynastyhutchins]

I think its a combination of how you grew up, your mindset, goals in life, personality and interests. Some young adults leave home having had to grow up too fast because of circumstances, or grew up very structured and traditional maybe with strict parents (obviously there are several different upbringings/scenarios) which could lead to mindset differences on things like this. It really depends on the person if it's "too young" or not.