The dos and don’ts of helping a drug addict recover | Maia Szalavitz | Big Think

The dos and don’ts of helping a drug addict recover
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Addiction is a learning disorder; it's not a sign that someone is a bad person.

Tough love doesn't help drug-addicted people. Research shows that the best way to get people help is through compassion, empathy and support. Approach them as an equal human being deserving of respect.

As a first step to recovery, Maia Szalavitz recommends the family or friends of people with addiction get them a complete psychiatric evaluation by somebody who is not affiliated with any treatment organization. Unfortunately, warns Szalavitz, some people will try to make a profit off of an addicted person without informing them of their full options.
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MAIA SZALAVITZ:

Maia Szalavitz is widely viewed as one of the premier American journalists covering addiction and drugs. A neuroscience writer for TIME.com and a former cocaine and heroin addict, she understands the science and its personal dimensions in a way that few others can. is the first book-length exposé of the "tough love" business that dominates addiction treatment. Her newest book is Unbroken Brain: A Revolutionary New Way of Understanding Addiction.
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TRANSCRIPT:

MAIA SZALAVITZ: There are people who are trying to promote brain surgery for addiction using electrical stimulation of that area and it doesn't work any better than methadone. And that's not to say that methadone isn't the most useful drug we currently have, but it does not involve invasive surgery. I should say methadone and buprenorphine, the opioid agonists, are the best treatments that we have for opioid addiction. And what they do is two things: The first thing is they cut the death rate by 50 percent, which is – this happens whether you continue using on top or not. So that's pure harm reduction and that's wonderful. If we can keep you alive long enough that you stabilize your life, that is a lot better than having you die. The other thing that they do is they allow people, who are ready, to stabilize their lives. So you couldn't tell right now if I was on a maintenance treatment or not because basically once you get a tolerance to these drugs you are not high or impaired, and you can drive and you can work and you can love and you can do all of these things, but we don't understand, we think, "Oh you've just substituted one addiction for another." No, what you've done is you've substituted compulsive behavior despite negative consequences, and now you just have a physical dependence. And that's not a real problem as long as you have a safe and legal supply.

I think the most important place to start is that addiction is a learning disorder; it's not a sign that you're a bad person. And if you want to have a safe and addiction-free, or at least lower level addiction, workplace or school, you want people to feel included and comfortable and safe and you don't want this to be an adversarial thing. The research shows that the best way to get people help is through compassion and empathy and support, and absolutely not tough love. There may be situations in which an employer has to fire somebody because their performance has just degraded so much that there's no other option, but they shouldn't think, "I'm doing them a favor by firing them, because that will make them hit bottom and it will help them." Sometimes that happens, but sometimes they just go on to a life of homelessness and then die. So you can't assume that creating extra-negative consequences is actually going to help a person with addiction. What you want to do is ally yourself with them and, presuming this is an employee that you want to keep, help them realize that this is not a sin. "I am not trying to control you. What I want to do is for you to be at your best – at work, at home. And you're not being at your best right now, so what can we do to help?"

Well, I think the important way to start that conversation is to first not assume that a problem that you think might be drugs is drugs. The person could be having any number of mental illnesses, the person could be having, you know, there's a million things that could look like oh you think they have a drug problem and there's something else going on. So if you approach the person with respect and not assuming that you're going to find a drug thing unless, obviously in some situations it's completely obvious...

[chezza]

I lost myself helpibg him. . I felt like a nagging partber because i cared too much... we ended up falling apart.. im now in a place where i now need to heal myself and i wasnt even the one on drugs.. its been one of the toughest journeys of my life

[BigBaller-hedz]

Personally, after 11 yrs of an opiate addiction I had just had enough, I was done and I knew it in my heart and soul. It took just about everything from me. I'm lucky to still be here.

[caseynoller]

My significant other has been to jail 3 times, rehab and is now about to go to another rehab. It doesn’t matter if it’s empathetic approach or tough love, it’s up to the addict to do the work taught to them by their care team and wanting to get better.

[JCisReal]

I have an addicted son. I have done Everything to help my son get on the right road, and Stay on it! Over the years his temper has become more and more intense, and it's made me feel very threatened. He lies, steals, munipulates, disrespectful beyond what any parent should face, He's been to treatment several times, jail, institution, prison for physical assault with a deadly weapon on a man over a girl. Today once again, I had to force him out of my home after 3 days and nights of a horrible experience with feeling threatened by his anger. At this point for any parent, it is best to do the same, we do not know how far the addicts anger can go when on drugs, needing a fix, or coming off a "trip". This time he says I no longer exist to him?! It hurts like hell, pray and follow your head and gut in your own personal situation. There is no one answer to each story. God Bless every family who is dealing with an addicted loved one.💖

[johnbouttell]

In any human relationship, compassion is the key. Compassion is defined as: sympathetic concern for the suffering of others.

[gui]

I've been a junkie for 15 years, I'm drug free for 23 years now and I say treatments, remedies and experts never managed to cure me so forgive my skepticism. I can not explain how I stopped, I just remember that I stopped using and never look back, I never managed to help anyone, although I tried to share what I got. As I said I do not have the formula just the experience.

[Highlander]

You don't tolerate aggressive behavior from someone just because they have a problem. If someone wants help, we can support and encourage their efforts but they have to want it. Excusing bad behavior just enables them.

[brat]

You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. PERIOD.

[Mayupony]

My dad was an addict that continuously got treatments and repeatedly went back to drugs. I feel like if he'd gone to see a therapist and talked about the problems behind why he did them in the first place would have helped him. He'd quit for months or a couple of years when he got into religion but that didn't fight the underlining problem.

[ojunglisto]

After 11 years of lies, compassion wears thin

[lydiap]

I went through addiction & told nobody, I dealt with it on my own & I really wish back then, I had somebody to have my back ...

I think what I wished I heard was ; I’m not judging you, I’m there for you, I won’t give up on you...

if I can help a person going through what I went through one day, I’d be so happy 😌💜

[toobalkain]

The best treatment is to find meaning and purpose in life, age will often do that to people so most addicts either grow out of it or die.

[aurakl]

What about the health and well being of the ones trying to help? When you try everything and they treat you so terrible. She makes it sound way to simple. None of this works if they don’t want to get help. You end up sinking with them if you don’t set healthy boundaries with love. Also who is paying for all these services? We all know it is not so easy to get the help these people require.

[oneworldall]

my son died thanksgiving eve 2 years ago. He fell hard and long. 12 years. He was a wonderful man who took better care of those in treatment than himself . I believe he became mentally ill and used opioids to relieve his massive anxiety and depression. Sometimes theres only one way out of pain and i believe his death was the end of his suffering. Some how he is at peace now. His dark and painful journey is finally at an end. We miss him and we honor his life. He was our son.Fentanyl killed him in the end. He never shot up but smoked a hit and thats how he went to heaven. We forgive. We grieve. We honor

[theguanenonli]

We want to get better… We want to be treated like a normal human being worthy of trust but the sad truth is that we’re not “normal”. We do have goals, we have plans for a better future… And deep down we want to have a normal life… It sucks because if we were on the other side … it would hurt us seeing our loved ones in our position… Addiction just sucks… thank you for this video…. I love my family and I want them to be happy .. I want to be happy… Drugs and alcohol provide a feeling that feels tangible that sobriety doesn’t … I’ve tried cross fit, church, and hobbies and sometimes thaey create a feeling of substitution but sometimes I want to feel that rush that nothing else provides…. I never relapse to hurt my loved ones… sometimes the urge just defeats me… I was sober for 8 years then sober for year after relapse… It’s dark and lonely and I wish it would just go away… Just wanted to share the experience.. I’m still fighting the good fight

[frankrizzo]

I'm an addict on methadone and I thought I was doing the right thing but all I get is negativity from my wife who I know loves me but she doesn't believe addiction is a disease and that I'm just substituting. She knew me when I was at my worst and I just haven't got to my best yet. I don't think I ever will with someone talking down to me all the time and telling me that I'm a piece of shit and nothing but a drug addict. Had to vent.

[moneauxje]

I’ve been trying for the past two years with my girlfriend of four years. The past four months I let her stay with me because her apartment evicted her. There comes a point after giving so many chances you have to give them an ultimatum, it’s either the drugs and risking their lives or going to treatment. With her I gave her the option this time is treatment or leave because I have kids in the house, she also has a kid and I can’t keep continuing watching what she’s doing under my roof.

[julzh]

I worked at Origins behavioral health in Texas for one year. I was 3 years sober when I quit. I highly recommend that treatment center!! I hope this reaches everyone. Although at the end of the day, it is up to how bad we want to get sober. The right treatment center is also a big part. The treatment center I went to was co-ed, big mistake for my roommate who got "distracted" God bless.

[carlitoalterego]

You do talk sense. People are ashamed of their addiction. So the approach means so much.

[Hushhushwhat]

I lost my dad to addiction and today I am here watching this video in hopes to help my freind who has fallen into this world so that not another daughter loses their father and watch everyday what-what a single mother have to do to support their child.. it's so messed up why are completely fine teenagers with bright future falling into this addiction...I hope I can help and save my freind from this dark side.