8 DOWNSIDES to Breaking the Generational Cycle of Family Dysfunction

Explore the 8 unexpected downsides of breaking the generational cycle of family dysfunction. Embrace these challenges, heal, and transform.

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Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC, has helped 10,000s of people heal from family dysfunction and become the true self they were never allowed to be. As a family systems and self-differentiation coach, he leverages 45 years of experience to help clients permanently break free from family-of-origin dysfunction, cultivate healthy relationships, and build a strong sense of self.

****DISCLAIMER: THIS VIDEO IS NOT INTENDED TO SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL COUNSELING. BE SURE TO CONSULT A PROFESSIONAL TO HELP YOU INTEGRATE AND UTILIZE THESE CONCEPTS.****

[jerrywise]

Finally get your family OUT OF YOU & be the true self you were never allowed to be 👇

[samscarletta]

My family never supported me in any way so breaking free of them was not a struggle at all. It was much easier then being in their toxic energy.

[Ariadne-kd]

I have broken it by leaving the family amd not having kids.

[msmacmac]

Hi, Jerry, 73 yo nana here. I’m breaking the cycle! These are not “ downsides, ” they’re good points of awareness. 🙏🏼

[SusanaXpeaceu]

There are downsides. I wanted to challenge the narratives without losing my entire family. That wasn't possible. The only way to be in the family was to reflect back their rosy view of themselves (well, my mother). My mother told me that she hopes I can grow in to the person I'm meant to be. Huh. I'm trying. But what she means is that I can have no visible reaction to her projecting everything she wants on to me. I must be whatever she needs me to be to avoid her having to self-reflect. I have a good relationship with my daughter though. However, so does my mother, so my mother doesn't get that she's the problem

[christinerobertson]

Jerry I'm taking care of my dying, malignant narcissistic mom. I was no-contact for a year, but in her last months, I'm helping her - I'm all she has. - I'm really suffering here. - Grey rocking and watching videos to make it through. I'll be getting a lot of support.

[LimitlessThinker]

It's hard if you don't have kids or extended family. I was the skapegoat at an early age. As a person in my 60s, I have been no contact since the parents passed and my elder siblings (the golden children) sold the house and moved to Florida. I found out they were doing this when the house was online. It can be very isolating. I have a therapist who is wonderful. Regardless, unless you establish trusting relationships, it can be difficult. I was divorced after 20 years around the same time. I have no living relatives.
It's necessary to continue with our own self-care.

[ohdarling]

For me the biggest upside was seeing my little brother have a familly member he could trust, i am for him the person i didnt have, no downside could beat this one ❤

[adrianadelassereed]

Hi, Jerry!!!! Welcome back!!! We have missed you!!!🤗🤗🤗

[samstetson]

Not about what my family feels...it is about how I feel.

[morganfrye]

Thank you so much for your calm, realistic, and logical advice. It is so helpful to be reminded to focus on you. Can't change other people! But you can work on yourself.

[TM-dhum]

Jerry, as I pass through the early stages of my attempt to individuate after a lifetime of neglect and abuse (I'm 60 very soon) I'm scared because I know I don't have any back up at all. My family of origin was small (two older half-siblings) and the few older relatives are long dead. And to make matters more terrifying, I have no savings and no pension either. I understand now, for the first time in my life, why my own life has been allowed by me to evolve so parlously in these key areas (despite being highly educated to a much greater level than any of my family of origin) but it feels too late to do anything about it.. How can I safely individuate from a family who hold all aces when it comes to material support, in those kind of circumstances? I can't even afford to rent a flat in my own country anymore. I'm scared I could end up homeless while trying to reclaim my life. I don't want to give in to despair and lose this fight.

[ptlovelight]

Glad to see you again Jerry! You were so imstrumental in my journey of breaking free from my own family trauma. Thank you for that :)

[carolelandon]

EXCELLENT, Jerry!! So much GOLD here...!! JW: 'Ignoring downsides is exactly part of the programming we need to let go of that we learn in dysfunctional upbringings. ... Managing downsides effectively is one of the fastest routes to maturity and self-differentiation.' All part of what you teach, Jerry (and included in your online program)... 'Living at 90 degrees.' Lifelong - and gets better and better...!!! Thank you, Jerry, ever so...!!! 🌹

[Goldenheart]

Jerry this video is 💯 spot on. When I read the title I was really intrigued, because I couldn’t imagine any downsides. Over the past year though I can say with certainty I experienced every one of those and at times it was really challenging and uncomfortable especially when it came from the pushback from my children.

One of the things people may not realize is that in a lot of emmeshed families there is a lot of love. It may be unhealthy and dysfunctional; but there is a very strong closeness. It’s the type of family that people on the outside dream of being a part of and until you awaken you think is amazing as well.

For anyone at the beginning of this journey I encourage you to watch this video a couple of times so you can prepare yourself. It’s not an easy journey, but it is 💯 worth it. The changes in my family have been amazing and I am so grateful for it all.💛

One piece of advice I would like to add from my own journey is that it is important to recognize and accept that this is your journey of awakening and awareness and although you want to keep peeling back the layers of the onion some people in your family may be ok staying in their bubble and don’t want to fully understand what they have been through. By recognizing, understanding and respecting that this is ok from the start it helps us to begin to understand and respect the importance of establishing and implement healthy boundaries internally and externally in the family system.💛

Jerry thank you for all you do💛 My family and I are much happier and healthier because of all of the tools I have learned from you.🙏💛 It’s truly amazing the power that one person in a family has to help break the cycle and change the dynamic of the family going forward for generations to come.💛💪🕊️

[adrianadelassereed]

Very clarifying!!! Beware of downsides so they do not take you by surprise!!!🤔

[lukecarey]

I feel as though my scapegoat role is mutually exclusive to me when I feel healthy.

[terridillon]

Get away! You cannot heal where you got sick. Just leave!

[LR-yumx]

Jerry, you discuss the most important segments of this evil prism. I am very thankful for being able to learn from you.

[Ann-ebdp]

I lucky when l ran away from my violent ex because my mother snd sister all sided with him My kids were terrified of him so we all are very supportive of each other and believe in saying it as it is Most of the family turned against us but the memories of my ex kept us going