Jennifer Senior: For parents, happiness is a very high bar

The parenting section of the bookstore is overwhelming—it's "a giant, candy-colored monument to our collective panic," as writer Jennifer Senior puts it. Why is parenthood filled with so much anxiety? Because the goal of modern, middle-class parents—to raise happy children—is so elusive. In this honest talk, she offers some kinder and more achievable aims.

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[epiphanyjayne]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I started crying toward the end of your TED talk, just feeling like I understand and feel relieved. I have 3 kids and I'm pregnant with my fourth and I'm always worried and hoping my kids will be happy and wondering if I'm doing enough. of course I never feel like I am doing enough. maybe if we just keep it simple life would work out better and not be so scary and stressful. 

[markanthonygarrett]

This video is so insightful that you will learn a whole lot watching it. Thanks for sharing this heartbreaking and very inspiring talk.

[shrunkensimon]

In the attempt to parent their children most parents just end up projecting their own failings on to the child, and end up creating what they set out to avoid. Just leave the children alone.. give them some outdoor green space to play in or a sandbox. Revising the education system should also be a priority, it causes just as much damage as a broken home does.

[aisakaykure]

Good talk. Interesting thoughts. Well delivered. I agree with her. Parents should concentrate on raising decent, hard working kids who will grow up and be good human beings. Their happiness and self esteem will take care of itself.

[amanieux]

the reason parents are so anxious may be the awareness of the butterfly effect, knowing that a small issue with you kid at age 3 may imprint a psychological issue for his whole life.

[redmoonvisual]

I feel like having children is just an expectation we have of people that shouldn't really be in place. Nobody really knows how to parent children, and there are many people that just simply shouldn't be parents in the first place. Good lecture. Media makes happiness seem like it's such a simple thing.

[KathysClutteredMind]

Brilliant thanks for a great TED Talk. As a homeschool mom I appreciate much of what you said.

[cherryblossom]

She does have some good points, but I have a comment. She says that even though she ate unhealthy as a child she turned out fine, and while that may be true of most people, we should be glad of new research of nutrition, because many people have suffered from a poor diet if they were over-sensitive to certain foods. So these self-help books are a good thing if used right and not in a hysterical way.

[alexasarahi]

When I was in a very secluded village in Honduras I noticed that the families for the most part were very emotionally healthy. The adults seemed to be very emotionally stable and the whole community treated all of the kids as their own. My husband is from there and I didn't believe in functional families until I met his gigantic family. I learned that one problem is we have a lack of help and community in America that is essential to parenting.

[hafaskater]

I like how everyone is an expert in parenting.

[sammy_lynn]

Thankful to divine guidance into Jessica's research, it may not be all encompassing but it is enough to foster hope as well as direction for the next leg of my own parental journey...Adolescence (11yr old daughter) n Adolescent Teen years (14 year old son) at the same time. God is with us.

[irinich.]

I think only mums can understand what her speech ment. In our effort to raise happy kids we are really hard with ourselves, perfect parents dont exist! We have to be proud for trying to do our best for them.

[Chrome]

This talk had a lot of interesting information in it. Although, I have to say, she seems to be talking about one specific kind of parent that I'm familiar with, and, no offense, thankful I didn't have. The kind of parent that chooses goals for their kids. From what I've seen the kids of those parents end up being the least happy. In my opinion, it's better to teach your kids to be self-motivated and help them with the goals they choose. After all, that's what we do as adults, so why not prepare them for that, rather than give them stress issues and over-dramatized fears of failure?

By the way, my parents never checked my homework. I thought it was weird when she mentioned that. o.O

[magister]

Actually, the word Parent began as a verb. Parent comes from the Latin word _parens, parentis_ which is the parent participle of the verb _pario, parere_ which means "to bring forth, produce, bear, acquire, procure, spawn, beget, give birth, etc."

[LoneWolf-wpdn]

how about treating kids like human beings not like some plant that you grow
 or some household appliance

[madeye]

Great talk and for those calling for more "science" talks, sociology IS a science and it's becoming increasingly more important.

[cpadsalgi]

Excellent... a much needed mention about too much complicated parenting these days.

[HeymummyTv]

Love some of these questions and ideas and sad re some of the makes you think.
Parenting is tough, yes, improvising without a script is what we do.

[DarleneNunezTorres]

Absolutely loved this video especially the ending.

[BulbasaurLeaves]

She made some interesting points and I agree that holding yourself responsible for another person's happiness is an unreasonable and possibly self-defeating goal. However, I disagree that the lack of norms or a 'script' is a primary cause for parents feeling overwhelmed and unhappy. In fact, I think trying to manage a family according to a script is part of the problem.  Parents need to talk to their kids and think about their own feelings rather than planning everything according to an idea of how families are 'supposed to be'.