141. I'm afraid of moving on

In this video Rory discusses the fears behind moving on. What if my ex comes back and I have moved on?

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[meenalaregina]

There is a sadness in moving on like you are giving up on a dream that was imperfect... but perfect for you. It's a shame that it wasn't perfectly imperfect for the both of us.

[umpalumpa-qwru]

Isn't it strange? We want to get to the point, where we don't miss our ex. But at the same time something inside of us is doing everything it can, to prevent that.
My take on that topic is: If you want your ex back and you want it to last, you have to let her/him go. If you don't, you're still the same person, the person who needs the other one to be happy. Yeah, you might go to the gym and working out, you go out with friends having fun. But the one thing, that makes the final change to the better version, the final piece to the puzzle, is to let your ex go. Completly.
Let's face reality, our ex won't come back. At least not in a foreseeable time. So for now take the situation as what it is and not for what it might be in a few months. Nobody knows what happens in a few months. Maybe your ex is getting married, maybe they reach out with a 'It was the biggest mistake of my life' message. We don't know.
You have to decide: Do you want to live your life under the 'what if my ex comes back' premise and keep hoping?

[happiness.of.pursuit]

One thing I have struggled with is facing the fact that THAT relationship has ended. I am now realizing that it is a good thing, because I have gained so much from it ending. Through the process of regaining who I am and realizing that I am a kickass and worthy person, if he does return, it will be working toward a NEW relationship with him, not trying to get back the OLD one. I have learned so much in this process, I can honestly say that I am grateful for it. There is nothing like being punched in the solar plexus (metaphorically) to make you do a 180 to change your direction and focus. Rory, you have been a voice of reason and logic through this chaotic and emotional time. Thank you for the guidance.

[appleguy]

I can tell you right now I’m scared shitless of moving on. But listen, guys, in a couple years, it will be fine. Don’t be afraid. If your ex has moved on, which mine has, then you have to too. I looked at her dead in the eyes last night, and I realized that I didn’t want to be with her anymore because she just doesn’t care about me anymore. It was sad, and depressing, and exhausting. And to know she’s hooking up with other guys, i feel like I lost my girl. But she was never mine. If she was, she would have stayed. If she was, she would give us a second chance. If she was, we would work things out. But there she was, not giving a single fucking budge. So the next morning, I texted her and told her I don’t want to be in a relationship and I’m moving on. Chances are they are not the one. You’ll know the one when you know. Pick yourself up, breathe, and fight through it. One day at a time. One day at a time.

[free]

One of your best videos, especially for those who are in their final stage of healing. All of us brokenhearted people need to be conscious of this healing process.

[randyjackson]

I am afraid to move on, because I still Love my Ex. That is the truth, !!!!

[domingoalsina]

I challenge the very idea of 'moving on' as it implies dedicating lots of energy to force out of our system any feelings for an ex (this still puts the focus on the ex). 'Moving forward' is healthier, as you put your energy into having a life as complete as possible, letting the feelings for an ex stay within you and fade naturally, if/when they must, at the pace you need. Moving forward will ultimately lead to a state of neutrality toward and ex, as we accumulate new experiences, slowly. In the other hand, moving on (actively trying to get over someone) does somehow highlight the trauma caused by the breap-up. Something to think about.

[metodifitness]

I listen to your videos when I drive home from work and they help me a lot. Don't stop making them👍

[stevenpavia]

‘Sharing my completeness with someone ‘ is BRILLIANT. I will use this concept in my conversations with women I am attracted to. TY Rory

[oryeizd]

Rory,
I've been listening to your videos for over 11 weeks in no contact, going to therapy, working on myself, getting better, but still missing him very much and was deep down hoping he was going to contact me soon. Anyhow, the other night I got a phonecall from a young woman asking me if I knew him. Very long story short, he was PLAYING both of us the entire time. We compared notes for a few hours and he was literally reading off the same script to both of us. He was my boyfriend and he was her boyfriend. He told us all the exact same beatiful things about us (very specific things... Not just general compliments). He was sending us the same exact songs. Bottom line is that the past year of my life was a complete lie and I was in love with a sociopathic, pathological liar. She and I have become friends. She's a wonderful woman. Anyhow, we're both disgusted and blocked him on every way that he can possibly reach us. But my psyche and heart hurts and is in shock I feel like I can't trust anymore. Please help.

[stormfalcon]

Over the last three months since my breakup and going into no contact, I’ve avoided this video for the very reason of it’s title. I’ve known that I’ve been scared to let go of my ex. That changed this morning...

I imagined detaching from her. And my own force field, so strong and powerful, surrounding me, started flooding in and began repairing the ‘wound’ where the cords attached in my chest... The tears flowed as I was about to pull the plug. Illustrating how strong the fear of letting go was. Powerful stuff!

[managedmind]

Growth comes from moving on fear is what keeps most people togeather even though it brings us pain.

[traviswepfer]

Dude, your shit is magical. Two and a half months out, listened to this on my birthday and haven't heard from her, this made me feel better. Thanks

[andrewratliff]

I really loved the advice Rory. It's day 50 and I am struggling big time with moving on. It opened my mind to the possibility of my happiness and not to be worried only about when or if my ex will reach out. if it's truly meant to be could not be more true...

[cynthia]

That is so accurate. I don't "fear" it, but it's not the first time and ex reaches out to me when it's too late. And I'm so glad it happened that way because they were so wrong for me. But right now we still miss that person and we still feel that a second time around it will be perfect. It's just a shame that the magic will be gone due to time. But Rory, challenge accepted!

[Ashtonishing]

The same is true for some dumpers. Part of the reason they sometimes return and get in touch is that they fear the dumpee will or is moving on.. Which would invalidate their position of power in having originally left you

[OscarEnmanuelDJFONIX]

I'll have to Donate or arrange a date and schedule a couching with you, Rory. You're the best, Right now I'm actually feeling even more confident than I was before I met my ex. I watch 2 or 3 videos of your channel every day, and It keeps me motivated and also reminds me that I was very happy without my ex before Meeting her. I have my ups and down sometimes but Im improving myself reading, working out, and studying a career.

[Outsider_aa]

amazing explanation, I've been having this feeling and now I understand it does not make sense

[poppiemoe]

Just hit liked! On point and in time! I need to get rid of such fear! I am complete in me, myself and I.

[Eupulmonata]

I'm afraid I wont be able to move on