Is Honesty Always the Best Policy? | 5 Minute Video

Telling the truth is usually right. But can it also sometimes be wrong? If so, when? And why? Rabbi Joseph Telushkin, a bestselling author and renowned scholar, explains when honesty isn't the best policy.

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Script:

Pretty much everybody regards the Golden Rule -- "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you" -- as the best guide to moral behavior. But did you ever consider this rule in terms of speech, in how you talk about others?

We all acknowledge that it's wrong to spread untruths about people, but many of us seem to feel that it's okay to say anything about another as long as it's true. But the fact that something is true doesn't mean that it is necessarily anybody else's concern. Do you want every aspect of your life made known to others -- even if true?

How important is it to guard our tongues?

A lifetime of experience suggests to me that unfair speech is a major, not a minor, issue. I often ask listeners at workshops I conduct on the ethics of speech: 'How many of you can think of at least one embarrassing personal incident, that were it to become widely known, would negatively impact your life?"

Almost all the hands go up, except for those who have led very boring lives, have poor memories, or are lying. What is perverse about human nature is that while we don't want others to know about such events in our lives, almost all of us are just aching to learn and speak about such events in the lives of others.

Let's analyze this further. Why exactly don't we want people to know about a highly embarrassing episode? After all, for most of us, the deep secret that we're concealing doesn't involve a criminal act. But we all know that if people learn about this one thing, it can easily become their primary association with us and with our name.

Why is this so?

Because, what is most interesting about people is what's not so nice about them. This is pretty much true of just about everyone. As Isaac Bashevis Singer, the Nobel Prize winning writer, used to say, "Even good people don't like to read novels about good people."

If you're thinking that what I have said so far does not apply to you, that you rarely speak about others, when you do your comments are always fair, then let me pose a question and a challenge. Can you go for twenty-four hours without saying anything unkind about anyone?

Invariably, when I make this challenge people laugh nervously. I can read their minds: "One day without any negative comments about anybody? My boss? My co-workers?" They're not sure they can do it.

[WeirdDarknessOfficial]

I can think of a thousand people who need to watch this... but only after I take it to heart myself.

[kylemedeiros]

The title was useful in getting my attention but the video is actually not about honesty as a policy at all.

[vaibhavgupta]

every big news organization(cnn, fox, msnbc) should watch this.

[necrolord]

The title is clickbait but I agree with the message. You can say the truth without saying bad things about people. The only time there would be a conflict between the 2 is if someone directly asks you for the negative information. And in some of those cases you can answer honestly by saying something like "You don't have to know that information.". Refusing to answer is not lying. Inevitably there will be some times you have to say bad things about someone, but you always need to think those times through to make sure your motivation is pure.

[ShuttTheFrontDoor]

Well said. I will work on myself to ensure I'm not spreading gossip.

[Grainexpress]

When you point your finger at someone there are three fingers pointing back at you.

[TheMarco]

"if honesty was introduced, the entire system will collapse"
Gorge Carlin

[MH-ykgy]

I needed a self check. "24 hrs without unkind words"+ "Why am I saying this?"
It would have to be out of hurt and disappointment and possibly rallying people on my side
Right there, I was undone.
Thank you

[jessicaturner]

He seams to be saying honestly is not the best policy if it results in the hurt feelings of others. He undermined his own point with his statement about the people who don't raise their hands. It's his subjective opinion that they either lied, don't remember or lead "very boring lives".

[Moviefank]

I think there's a fine line between respect and censorship. Yes, there's events from my past I'd hate others to know about, so I don't go around screaming to everybody about their faults. But if I feel someone is a traitor, or a pathological liar unworthy of being trusted, I'm going to speak up. Its not always deemed "fair", but such is life as a whole. We should always mind our manners, but our motivation should be an honest desire for love and grace when possible...not the fear of "offending" the most despicable individuals.

[oldtimefarmboy]

John, chapter 8, verse 7:
"So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her."


Honesty is always the best policy but that does not mean you have to actually say anything, specially if the only reason to speak is to cause embarrassment or harm to another and appear to be superior at their expense.


Romans, chapter 23, verse 23:
"For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God"

[sabriath]

I have nothing to hide...and I don't hide the truth from others.

[bloke_xx]

Something I learned growing up: in many families, the 'truth will set you free'....in my family, the truth will get you killed'. What you know, and when you know it, can get you in a lot of trouble. Truth be told: I do NOT advocate lying, but to me, some people just 'can't handle the truth...', strictly JMO.

[pbllomas]

basically, there's more to honesty than speaking factual truths, you can be dishonest with your actions aswell

[SerenityAugust]

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Philippians 4:8. This is one of my favorite Bible Scriptures it helps me to keep the Light shining, the Salt flavored and the Soul full of Passion. 🙏🏾

[krissaberhagen]

Yes i do say negative things about ppl i know sometimes, but as honest as i am about being a misanthrope, its a sin not to say what i observe about humanity, they sicken me.

[stephentupper]

This is not really a discussion of honesty, but of indiscretion: the difference is enormous. The first is admirable, the latter is not.

[kennethmarr]

OUTSTANDING! The Bible long ago addressed this issue in a sound way. See the book of Proverbs; James 3; and Ephesians 4:14-15. "That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about the every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive; (15) BUT SPEAKING THE TRUTH IN LOVE, MAY GROW UP INTO HIM IN ALL THING, WHICH IS THE HEAD, EVEN CHRIST!"

[Infinitelybetter]

The best policy of any situation is to say good or to be quiet. Whether friend or foe, you’ll save yourself regret and shame down the road if you follow this rule.

[DRAGNET-pnvf]

LOOKING AT OTHER PEOPLES CHARACTER DEFECTS KEEPS US FROM HAVING TO LOOK AT OURSELVES AND OUR OWN DEFECTS AND PROBLEMS.