Fighting Internalized Aphobia as an Aspec Person

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[karenlewis]

Here's a second brick: the first time I went to an ace meetup, I got this sense that now, finally, I was playing on "easy" level and that I had been playing on "difficult" level for most of my life. It felt like something clicked in my mind. It's a generalisation, but I often find interacting with other aces regenerating. Thank you all for existing and for being your interesting selves. :)

[scrappykoko]

I've recently came out to my therapist as aroace when she asked me why I don't date and it didn't go well. It hurts when the person that is supposed to respect and support you tells you mean heteronormative stuff and makes you think that there's something wrong with you. I'm grateful for supportive aro/ace friendly youtube channels like yours💜

[shannymesse]

Ever since I've come out as demisexual, I've felt so relieved because I can finally have a 'term' that explains exactly how I've always felt instead of 'pickier than your average person' or 'broken', so it has been great for the most part but sometimes I feel like I have an imposter syndrome ... I don't feel 'ace enough' or I feel alienated by allos. I feel like I'm lying to myself or 'to get attention' (what kind of attention? Even I don't know) or try to feel special. What's affirming my aceness is listening to your videos and to other ace/demisexual people and their experiences.

[acereporter]

Here's another brick, that may apply to you. My bestie has been navigating relationship issues. I am aro/ace and have no romantic relationship experience and felt like I had nothing helpful to say. So I focused on what i did know, which is that my friend is strong, smart, tenacious and loyal, and therefore it's very understandable that he has a hard time letting go of his first love. I did a lot of listening, and a lot of affirming of my friend. In the end, that is what he needed and the friends who thought they were being "helpful" by giving him advice, he didn't want to listen to so much because he was already beating himself up, and felt judged. So my being aro and ace put me in a unique position to be objective in this area and just love my friend. So yes, it made me a better friend!

[vrgssmnncht]

As much as we try to be proud of our aceness, sometimes we're own worst enemy! I've known I was ace for over a decade, but I didn't always have a word to describe it. "Taking inventory" of one's perspective of themself and just sitting with those conceptions is so important for self-reflection. Great video as always!

[itsadeliaxo]

i’m a lesbian and came out back in 2021, but just suuuper recently realized that i’m also ace (or grey asexual, in my case lol). and i’ve noticed that accepting the fact that i’m ace has been HARD, especially when i compare it to how quickly i accepted the fact that i’m lesbian. but your videos have helped me so much already, even though i found your channel a few days ago <3

[chimeralsutula]

When I was in the mental hospital, I was seeing a social worker who I told I was asexual. Her response was that I was just experiencing "sexual anorexia" because of trauma. The old trauma explaination is what always sends me back into confusion because I am deeply traumatized, but I dont have a strong desire to courtship with anyone either. If anything I base my fear of relationships off friendships and my ability to connect and relate to people.

[edspace.]

"You have enemies? Why, it is the story of every man who has done a great deed or created a new idea. It is the cloud which shines around everything that shines. Fame must have enemies, as light must have gnats. Do not bother yourself about it; disdain. Keep your mind serene as you keep your life clear." Victor Hugo.
I know I'm not the norm and its something of a family tradition by this point so I make art and hope to make the world a little happier.
My lead detective is AroAce (not all her character is but still fun) and feel free to respond with any other Aspec authors or creators you like.

[CHEESEPUFF_]

I'm so happy the algorithm randomly recommended this video to me, I've never seen this channel before, but i needed to hear this stuff.

[panthersworld]

I came across it very rarely been told mostly you're just scared to do it and when I tell some I'm not sexually attracted to them it's like they get their feelings hurt

[PurpleSorcerer]

This video made me cry multiple times. I'm so glad I finally found more ace sources because I have felt so alone

[glittermytimbers]

I recently realized that I have internalized the ‘sexual disfunction’ aphobic myth. Trying to dismantle that but it’s hard because it was so deep down I didn’t know it was there even while I thought I was confident in my identity including my demisexuality.

[Harper_]

Im aroace, but more specifically identifies as curioromantic. It’s essentially being completely aromantic but still wanting a romantic relationship. It’s hard, but people like you talking about it really helps :)

[Livinrem]

What do you do when you are having a hard day being ace

[sm]

Thank you Ace Dad. You help me in so many ways.

[dragonic]

Hi, I know this is a safe space so I’m just going to get this of my back. I am on the ace and aro spectrum and I think I also have ocd. What I’m trying to say is that I have a compulsion that forces me to look at people private areas in particular guys. I am agender but I am also female so I guess the internalised acephobia is coming out as a compulsion and I can’t do anything to stop it, I hate it so much. I want to stop doing it and even though it’s been what two or three years of being comfortably ace I still can’t seem to stop, it’s like I’m ace checking myself. I want to stop. Lol just like all my other compulsions. I haven’t gotten a therapist to help me because it’s not the only problem I have, in the last year I have realised that I have two chronic’ conditions and slight anaemia( due to iron deficiency and B12) and well there are a few other mental things as well. So yeah, thank you for letting me share and if you have any ideas on how to stop the compulsion it would be greatly appreciated.

[wafolfackermeme]

A trick I've been trying lately is taking a step back and finding similar problems in others because im not the only one
Ex - I feel like, I can't ask to get into a because not many people know what it is and will reject it
Counter thought - anyone can get rejected for any reason, whether or not they don't like you. They aren't the same sexuality, or they just don't like you like that. So it isn't about my relationship that could just be them.
Another ex
I feel like other people.Don't get the pain of not being able to have grandchildren for your parents
Counter thought- i can still adopt, and most gay people can't naturally have children anyway. So they probably have the same problem of feeling, what I'm feeling.
I hope this helps them make sense.!

[Amor_y_Alma]

I never personally experienced internalised aphobia towards myself. I felt the opposite - complete relief - when things suddenly made sense. BUT what I really want to comment and hope to convey to anyone who needs to hear it is that you are 100% valid and I hope with all my heart that you come to accept your beautiful identity for who you are - there is nothing broken about you, nothing to be ashamed of, you're doing amazing in a society that does everything in it's power to dismiss and invalidate who you are, you're awesome!! 🫂💜🤍🖤💚

[Mahayla.]

I always find myself coming back to ace content whenever i get into a relationship where sex is expected of me to some degree… i start to feel broken all over again and like its a liability thats y i generally come back to these types of videos to reaffirm “no I’m not going crazy, there is a bunch of ppl out there just like me and i shouldnt feel guilty for being like this”


Its easy to lose track of urself and fall into the fallacy “if u dont feel attracted to them you should break up cuz they deserve someone whos also attracted to them, u r taking space and wasting their time” wow ty so much internet for being so helpful and lovely to us ace ppl 🖤🩶🤍💜🥰