I Need You To Hear Me Say This

I Need You To Hear Me Say This

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[Missbayka]

Completely agree. And sometimes even after they are sober there has been so many things said and done that it’s too late. Your heart still tells you you’re better to leave them. At the end of the day you still feel lonely/alone in the relationship even with him being sober because you have hurt for so long it’s to late

[TheNinnyfee]

So true, as long as the substance is the primary relationship you are on the backburner. You can see the substance like a toxic lover.

[GJCHSMM]

Same with drugs, porn, s*x etc. Don't fool yourself and don't let them play with you.

[angelafoster]

I needed to hear this today

I have a family member I haven’t spoken to in over five years

Their absence from my life really pain me and I’m under huge pressure from relatives to reconcile even though this person hurt me deeply

This person is smart enough to not drink around family anymore, but I know from people in my hometown that she is not sober

I confront my family on this and they tell me it should be good enough that she doesn’t drink around us and what she does outside of that is none of our business

It’s not good enough for me, but it’s great to hear it from a therapist like John that I’m doing the right thing

I really miss the person she was before drink

It is sad watching someone you love waste away with this disease

[TheRexTera]

Getting people into rehab is also to get people away from relations for a wile. People who are too close can’t really help. Besides getting out and getting better means you’re coming back changed. Trying to change around people that sees you all the time won’t notice the change and that makes it much harder.

[JanetJensen-tk]

That is so true, because they just bounce back, rapidly! He will never heal without professional help, a deep want to heal, and a LOT of prayer!

[Becks]

Yep. I finally left my ex over his and he still says he doesn’t have a drinking problem. All those empty liquor bottles and not remembering your atrocious behavior indicate otherwise.

[lynnebrooks]

Its so true, when anyones on substances, they hear nothing!!

[jacobhope]

"Your husband is currently choosing to be connected to his addiction."
This is definitive evidence of a more modern and holistic model of addiction where the opposite of addiction is not sobriety, but connection. The sobriety first though, like you said. Then we can work on the connection or reconnection.

[chrissykooger]

Some parents only celebrate their children when they win
This creates problems when they get home and tell Dad they lost
Instead tell your children to just do their best that’s what counts
Sometimes their best won’t win trophies but as long as they are trying and having fun playing sport too

[gypwinkler]

Makes sense. Blood flows throughout the body. Your body and mind need to be sober. Free of toxin.

[TheWackler]

Totally true. I had 2 option you get clean out don't leave the hospital

[depaula]

Portugal has (or at least used to have and was very successful with it) the opposite system where withdrawal comes after integration into a group, a job, a community. The idea is that the reason for the addiction needs to be addressed first in order for there to be any possibility for success in getting sober.

I wouldn't know personally, but it made me think of the rats living in a bare cage choosing drugs and the rats living in an enriched "rat-paradise" with fellow rats not choosing the drugs offered.

At the same time I get that a spouse, a child, a family member may need to get to a safe distance as to not be traumatized or instrumentalized for the addiction of their loved one. And yes, when someone does not want to get clean through some sort of internal desire to rid themselves of the yoke - there's probably no use in going to therapy together to heal the relationship. Better to get therapy for yourself and figure out, what a safe distance could look like in your personal case

[Anabee]

Ive found this to be true.
I never sought therapy, as I should have. But
32yr later, I still remember the very moment I realized "Im not even talking to a person r.n. Im talking to a DRUG...a bad, mind-altering drug" . I filed for divorce just days later.

[h]

Thanks. Some things just clicked in my brain. I never found anyone because the sort of guy I want would likely already know this and not date me. Realized recently I have an addiction. I've been working on getting it behind me. Everyone else likely saw it and stayed clear.

[mangographics]

Yeah, because they are not all there unless they are sober enough to be present with his own mind

[kellyrhoads]

My husband stopped drinking a little less than 3 months ago. So for 30 1/2 years of drinking, and all the crap that comes with it, it's going to take a while to heal. My husband is unwilling to go to counseling, so it's going to take longer.

[serenitysealed]

I wish someone had given me that advice decades ago.

[AddieCox-js]

I am CLEAN I CAN PASS A DRUG TEST ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[joanlovelace]

Love this channel.
Kudos Dr J and kelly&team 👏👏