1988: The DARK ARTS of SUBBUTEO | DEF II | Niche Sports | BBC Archive

"A scandal that involves kidnapping, amputation and having your bottom sprayed with furniture polish."

Investigative journalist Trevor Ward uncovers some deeply distressing truths about Subbuteo. The globally popular table football game may seem like a harmless - even wholesome - passtime, but at professional level, the game is rife with cheating and corruption.

Trevor speaks to Subbuteo official, Trevor Spencer, about some of the worst things he has witnessed on the competitive circuit. For his own safety, whistleblower Trevor Spencer has not been identified.

Clip taken from DEF II: Reportage, originally broadcast on BBC Two, 14 December, 1988.

You have now entered the BBC Archive, a time machine that will transport you back to the golden age of TV to educate, entertain and enlighten you with classic clips from the BBC vaults.

[ToneCrome]

It's like a Fast Show or Brass Eye parody.

[gwheregwhizz]

The BBC would be outbid for the rights to show Subbuteo these days.

[Zagneek]

I used to turn Airfix British Commandos into hooligans by painting them in footy colours then invading the pitch with em.

[BOABModels]

Quite the coincidence this came up now as I just played Subbuteo for the first time in around 20 years! The holiday home we stayed at in France had a set - a generic team in red and QPR for some reason.

[NeilStudd]

"In 1984, no-one died. In 1985, no-one died. In 1986, no-one died. In 1987... there was that one incident with the goalkeeper."

[gawa]

I remember reading something, a long time ago, about people melting the goalkeeper's arms to stretch them a tad.

[Jay-O_Carlow]

Sanctions! *They stole a goal keeper* Using polish, it's noting but solvent abuse

Lmfao! 🤣 Comedy Gold!

[WastingTime]

All these fine smiles worthy enough to be included in The Great British book of smiles.

[BruceDanton-xweg]

Def ii ran on bbc2 from 1988 to 1994. Mostly twice a week on monday and wednesday from 6pm to 8.10pm or so too. Rapido was one of the series on it then from 1988 to 1992 so too. Thank you too.

[anewcleardawn]

Jesus Christ, look at the size of that finger nail.

[jimid]

I remember watching this and being horrified by his fingernail.

[onlyme-]

They kidnapped the goalkeeper, that made me giggle.
This was the nearest thing we had to computer game football at the time

[carlkamuti]

This is hilarious! 🤣🤣 They couldn't even keep the box on his eyes to hide his identity. Solvent abuse! 😆😆

[natureclips]

If this was in tv on 1st Aprilpeople would of thought this was a wind up

[UKArchiveTV]

Finger insured for £50, 000! It can't have been more than 5 years before all that evaporated.

[MMG_MoonManGuitar]

It's a dangerous game. Warning. 😂

[shb]

Shocking so it is, absolutely shocking, disgraceful behaviour from all involved. Next thing you know little plastic men attached to giant bowls will be diving screaming in faked agony as soon as another player passes within 2 feet of them. Another once fine sport ruined.

[georgedeboo]

What convinces me more than everything else that this is a parody is that the interview with the referee features probably the worst attempt at an interviewee anonymous. If one were to pause at the right time, they would get a pretty decent look at his likeness. Not only that but what is the point of giving someone a false name if you are not going to use it beyond stating what it is?

[effess]

Ah, simpler times. "...after only five minutes you'd be down to ten men as he'd sent off your right back for taking the base from under his left winger. Come to half time you'd be losing four nil, each and every goal a hotly disputed penalty..."

[iandeeley]

Now THAT'S what I call match fixing!