The myth of closure: how to take back your power and move on

Buy my book, "The Value of Others"

It natural to seek after closure following the rupture of an important relationship. However, most folks make the mistake of seeking closure from the other person. This is a disempowering and (generally) ineffective strategy. On the other hand, if we seek closure in ourselves, then we have the option of taking our power back and regaining our agency. Closure occurs when we make the decision to move on. It really is that simple.

Orion is a licensed psychologist in the state of California.
Podcast available on Apple, Google, and Spotify.

#closure #relationships #romance

[Hemstrought]

“Closure occurs when YOU make the decision to move on.” Simple, elegant, excellent. Thank you Doc.

[heartnsoullife]

Closure is an internal process….brilliant.

[JaZmine]

It took me 7 years to realize that I could find closure by myself. I'm glad I learned this lesson in my 20ies.

[thaik]

As a general rule in relationships, never surrender all of your power. Your emotional-state and well-being should never be at the mercy of another person.

[rollingtinfist]

It took me several decades to learn this, but the Doc. is absolutely correct. With that said, closure takes as long as it takes.

[bscarter]

Clarity is closure. Hind sight is 20/20, so looking back on the things you did or didn’t do and accepting them. Moving forward

[renegade]

as a person who's ALWAYS had a very difficult time in 'moving on', I find your words to make TOTAL sense, thanks Doc!

[kevingruenofficial]

My ex desperately sought closure from me. It was to her best interest that I distanced myself or it would've just repeated the same vicious cycle.

[johnton]

I absolutely agree. Getting closure based on loose, colorized just so stories from an ex bring no useful info. Better to leave that when you are readyô

[javiersds]

Absolutely true. I started healing from my last relationship the moment I decided to stop looking for answers or hoping that she'd come back. It's a conscious decision, and it comes from within.

[jd]

This came at the right time! Thank you

[natureloverbangladesh]

Forgive and forget..Move on...Be calm and generous to people and surroundings...

[currypablo]

People who suffer from narcissistic abuse are the ones who suffer the most. These people, though victimized, often have feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

This is a combination of grief and trauma bonding. It can take years for people to move on. However, changing your narrative from shame and anger to self compassion can help with closure. My 2 cents.

[mrsimo]

I would love to say that to the ex. But she ghosted me. Brilliant stuff as usual.

[Flotsamjetsam]

"Don't leave cause...cause.., I, (<angry whisper>: I didn't get you back yet)"....sob....

--Sam Kinison

[jeremynechaldas]

Thank you, this has given me great insight so that I could finally let go of resentment from someone that didn't really had the best interest in my heart in my point of view and asking from other mutual close friends. I used to argue myself to sleep, playing every possible reason I could think of on where I might have gotten it wrong and it just made me more and more miserable. It didn't also helped as I interacted with that person more in the past, hoping it would change things, turned out to bigger disappointments and more pain. I wanted to talk to that person but reflecting about it, I know that it won't change a thing or at least I'm already dissuaded enough to believe that it would change something. This gave me the necessary kick, the crucial point of view, that makes this way easier to handle and to actually let go of it. Thank you again and I look forward to more of your content sir. These are gems.

[skaltura]

I had closure talk happen actually! We both moved on from the relationship happy it happened, wishing it could have continued, and with deep love for each other.
That chat, while it was only a bit over 1hr long, helped tremendously.

The confusion and anticipation of that talk went away etc. Oddly, there is no lingering hatred, anger or anything of the sort. Just a positive feeling and that it was all worth it.
It'll take time to recover from the loss sure.

It helped to change to that mode, internally saying it's time to move on. This has been done, and there's no going back.
I don't think the relationship could have ended any better, and in such a high note.

[animefireflys]

I experienced plenty of closure listening, thank you

[stochasticxalid]

It took me ages to be able to understand this. 💯 Percent with you...

[Haze_Loto]

Just when I need it. Thanks for the advice.