Slow News Day headlines

Stop the presses

[nooneinparticular]

Nothing could beat that time in 1930 when the BBC news announced that there was no news, and then proceeded to play soft jazz for the rest of the 15-minute segment.

[lindanimated]

My favourite ever headline from a local (Helsinki) newspaper is this: In the dark of night, 250 kilos of chili sauce appeared in the woods in Vuosaari: "I can't understand it".

[hypnoooooooooooooooooooooooooo]

I honetly could watch/read these news articles all day and not get bored.

[goddamnilovemetal]

My professor was a part of the study on drug traces harming rare eels. Turns out traces of cocaine in people's pee interrupts the hormones that are involved in the eels' reproduction. It's genuinely a huge conservation concern lol

[oo]

I live near the "Ominous Clouds Turn Out To Be Nothing" town. I'm kinda excited to see acknowledgement of my area's existence coming from outside of my area for once, even if it is just for a goof. Cheers from southern Illinois, Matt! 🍎

[realbartsimpson]

"Chris Pratt accidentally deletes over 51, 000 emails"
Must've been all the complaints about him being the Mario voice.

[totallyahuman]

Are you implying that the duck rescue wasn't important news

[chill_lp]

"dog Swallows baking tray"

Dog did what exactly please?

[delcaprascalar]

Many of these headlines look cute and innocent like they are from a world in alternative dimension where there's no violence and dark stuff

[Rebecca-vdww]

Ok but “man stole woman’s pants for 17 years” is a fucking hook. I REALLY wanna know wtf was going on there. You can’t just say that and leave it there???!!!

[vichidna]

i dont think theres ever been a fast news day for buzzfeed

[pebbledelor]

To be honest, these news headlines are much better than the ones we have nowadays.

[casey]

There was a recent local news story wherein a man threw cheese at another driver during a road rage incident. I wish I was joking.

[cottonsheep]

I am very disappointed of the community. NO ONE pointed out that there is actually someone out there with the last name "bromance"!

[oddcrafter]

I'm Canadian/American, and I've always eaten chocolate bunnies from the ears down. It just seems proper.

[Tiredbird]

The budgie one is so funny to me since I myself own one. He doesn't call me by my name, actually, whenever he sees me he makes the Xbox one starting noise

[preston]

Weirdly specific thing here, but I like it when Matt says “that” and pauses for a second, like at 0:03. He’s only done it like three times on the whole channel, but he does it in such an oddly satisfying way, so I always remember it.

[theoture]

Living in Austria, I remember the 'provocative fart' incident - the news were oddly interested in that for some reason and I'd hear about it for over a week before suddenly everyone seemed to remember there's more important things to worry about

[pleasehold]

I once saw an article titled, “Someone has been glueing tiny cowboys hats to pigeons in LA” I took a screenshot of one of the photos, and my avatar was born.

[IamPieGuy]

That cat has power beyond human imagination.