This Statistically Is The Best Age To Get Married So You Don't Get A Divorce!

Lori Gottlieb is a psychotherapist and a bestselling author, she is also the co-host of the ‘Dear Therapists’ podcast. Her New York Times bestselling books include, ‘Maybe You Should Talk to Someone’ and ‘Mr Good Enough’.

00:00 Intro
02:42 How to Live the Life You Want
05:40 Lack of Human Connections Leads to Relationship Pressure
06:55 Why the Majority Aren't Satisfied with Their Relationships
08:35 The Need to Be Understood
10:21 Why Men Struggle More Opening Up in the Relationship
17:08 Setting Unreal Expectations When Looking for a Partner
20:14 We're Too Picky on Dating Apps
25:33 High Expectations, Can They Be Lowered?
29:40 Gender Differences in Dating
34:18 The Type of People That Seek Bad Partners
35:45 How to Help Those People
37:23 Financial Differences in Dating
43:27 People Are Choosing Not to Have Kids and Get Married
49:36 What Happens When a Woman Earns More in the Relationship
51:42 The Big Debate on a First Date
57:09 Red Flags in First Dates
01:00:27 The Age You Marry Is Linked to Divorce Risk
01:04:08 You Need to Learn to Unknow Yourself
01:06:11 The Impact of Seeking Approval
01:12:56 When Your Friends Sabotage You When You Try to Change
01:21:20 Do Women Express More Emotion Than Men?
01:23:12 Do Our Dreams Have True Meanings?
01:25:44 The Safety of Self-Compassion
01:27:31 The Opposite of Depression Isn't Happiness
01:30:22 The Grief of Heartbreak and How to Recover
01:38:27 How to Help Someone Going Through Heartbreak
01:45:38 The Last Guest Question

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This episode of The Diary Of A CEO was filmed at Gold Tree Studios, located in the heart of the Sunset Strip, West Hollywood, California

[TheDiaryOfACEO]

If you like this episode please can you do me a little favour and hit the like button on the video! I really appreciate your kindness x ❤👊🏾

[rossmanngroup]

When she says she'd feel unsafe if a man didn't pay on the first date, that is such manipulative language.

Feel free to say any of the following:

1) I did not feel valued
2) I did not feel like he was into me
3) I felt like he was cheap
4) I did not feel like he could provide for me
5) I did not feel like he cared to provide for me
6) I felt like he was uninterested

These statements allow for a real conversation.

Unsafe is a word reserved for men who follow you around an empty parking lot at 1 AM.
Unsafe is a word you use on men who force themselves into your apartment.
Unsafe is a word you use on men who physically or emotionally abuse you.
Unsafe is a word you use on men who have inappropriate relations with your teenage daughter.

Unsafe is *NOT* a word you use on a man who did not cover the $12.95 for your panini.

To use that word to describe a man who did not pay for your chicken parm panini comes off so manipulatively, as if it's designed to shame men into paying for meals so as to avoid the stigma of the label _"person who makes women feel unsafe."_ Men do not want to be considered unsafe, because there is a genuine stigma around being considered unsafe(and often rightfully so). That's such a disappointing thing to hear someone say - particularly someone at this level of expertise & education in the field of relationships.


I typically do pay on the first date, and have in the relationships I had that were good. In these cases I usually made more money than the person I was going out with so it seemed like a courtesy.

Words have meaning! Do not use them this carelessly.

[joanmurphy]

My husband forgot his wallet on our first date. Said he'd pay me back. Never did. We've been married for 53 years. I tease him and ask when are you paying me back to this day. We laugh. People who laugh together stay together. ⚘

[ZendelAtkinson]

The idea of a flawless marriage or relationship is unrealistic. There's no set formula for success; what works for one couple may not work for another. Nevertheless, I've learned that solutions exist for every problem. Five years ago, my wife and I faced the brink of divorce due to challenges in our marriage. Fortunately, we managed to reconcile. It was a tough phase, but we made it through....

[FableCountry]

On the first date, I always pay. My wife literally made more than 15x what I made (I didn't know at the time) but I still happily paid. She told me that if she likes her date, she will let them pay. But if she does not her date, she will split the bill. Her reasoning is if she lets her date pay, she feels ok with wanting to owe her date and see them again.
I've since transitioned careers and my wife still makes more than me but she has never put how much money she makes in my face...ever.
Six years later, and we have two lovely daughters now. My wife is truly unique and breaks so many conventions. She just knew it had to be me. She's perfect, a true 10/10 and turns heads in any room she enters. Still feels like a dream

[Themorningstar]

I personally believe the biggest problem when it comes to dating is social media. It feels like everybody keeps looking for the next better person.

[thedoc]

I married my husband after dating for 3 months, having met him on-line at 36 years old. We now have 4 children and have been married for 20 years! Never say never!!!!

[MeHoyMinoy-cvps]

Before I was a stay at home mother and had a career my partner would never let me pay for any meals or main bills etc so instead I’d surprise him with booking us a holiday or gifts.

Relationships aren’t transactional but if you’re both making money then it should bring you joy to share that by being generous with one another where possible.

He now is our source of money and I return the favour by keeping a lovely home for him to come back to and caring for our babies.

These ‘gender roles’ feel completely natural to us and we’re very happy with what each of us bring to the relationship.

[jiaw]

In 2010 The Guardian UK newspaper ran a story about Lori. She was, back then, a 43 year old single mother who, in her own words, "desperately wants to marry." In fact she had desperately wanted to marry for the previous 13 years. She is now 56. And unmarried. And she is giving young women relationship advice. LET THAT SINK IN.

[ParisianThinker]

Married 38 years to my best friend. The last decade I was his caregiver. He died from a botched operation on Jan. 3, 2024. There were many people to talk to, but none better than my husband, a PhD in Clinical Psychology. He always said health is the first wealth and that includes mental health. Alone now, but fulfilled. Many things to sort out and create a beautiful life again.

[garethsmalley]

"Before you describe someone as depressed check their not surrounded by assholes..." brilliant 👏

[jphillips]

I’m divorced and now dating as a 46 yr old female. I’m astounded how 90% of first dates I go on the only question a man will ask is ‘so where do you work?’ After that then man will spend the next 2 to 3 hours talking about himself, making zero effort to find out about me. I think I’m too good of a listener and they take advantage. They then are super keen for a second date having not found out anything about me as a person.
No chance for a second date 😠 Lack of interest makes me feel so devalued.

[Inaknow]

My husband asked me at the first date “if he was allowed to pay for my coffee.” I never ordered more than one cup of coffee when I dated new people, not even a cake or biscuits. I liked his question and he said I ask because some women don’t like men to pay.

[ethanlapenti]

To the producers: THANK YOU FOR RECORDING ON HIGH DEFINITION AUDIO AND TOP-OF-RANGE VOLUME LEVELS

[inesvbm]

I had a boyfriend that told me that he felt useless since I was too independent. Could pay my bills, could talk get several budgets and fix my car etc…. it made me realize that even if I can do something I should also accept generosity / ask for help. It was challenging for me initially but now I feel its a way of allowing others to show love and for me to accept vulnerability as well.

[AH-iosb]

My husband has a strong need to be the provider, the protector and he takes his role very seriously. I do work and my income contributes to our household but I'd never try to take the role he feels so strongly about away by power struggles. He's the head of the family and until he needs me to step in, I respect that part of him. He has his role and I have mine. Just remember to communicate, be good listeners, try to LIVE SIMPLY and enjoy the time you have together because life(time) goes by too fast.

[someoneelse]

So... why exactly are young men expected to pay on a first date? She literally explained that it's irrational and that if she were to try to explain it rationally she would talk herself out of it.
Therefore it's a nonsensical expectation that shouldn't still exist, but still does. Thanks to women like her that still propogate it without even believing in it because, well, it benefits them. Thanks for your honestly, at the least.

[dracocaelestis]

i’ve noticed that people who prioritize chemistry and butterflies while dating are the least successful in landing long-term partners. as somebody who used to care more about “chemistry” when i was younger i realized after several failures that what people call chemistry tends to be reactivation of usually toxic bonding patterns we learned early in life. before i met my husband i decided to change the approach and do the exact opposite and started dating for personality, values and interests. i met my husband shortly after that. maybe i just got lucky, but i think that following same steps and expecting different results is madness. prioritizing things that actually matter for a long-term relationship helped me stayed congruent and reach my goal of finding a great partner.

[kated]

I think a lot of people think they know what they want, but what they want isn't really what THEY want but rather is what society has taught them they SHOULD want. The ideal version of what something might be like is often very different from the reality of it once you actually experience it.

[banina]

The “paying the bill” is also cultural, I’m Dutch & my husband is German. In our culture the person who asked the other pays or the highest earner/person that can miss it most easily. Splitting is also common and an expected question, it just isn’t that big of a deal in our cultures.

My spouse and I got married at 22 & 27 at 10/10/22. We’ve both been through a lot in life so we were ready. Most people around my age simply didn’t have to ask themselves hard hitting questions about their role in the family, picking up more responsibilities due to necessity, etc. Live before you get married, but having profound trauma accelerates your mental ageing a lot of the time