Lee Mokobe: A powerful poem about what it feels like to be transgender

"I was the mystery of an anatomy, a question asked but not answered," says poet Lee Mokobe, a TED Fellow, in this gripping and poetic exploration of identity and transition. It's a thoughtful reflection on bodies, and the meanings poured into them.

TEDTalks is a daily video podcast of the best talks and performances from the TED Conference, where the world's leading thinkers and doers give the talk of their lives in 18 minutes (or less). Look for talks on Technology, Entertainment and Design -- plus science, business, global issues, the arts and much more.

[elky]

To the people in the comments are basically saying "I'm so done with hearing about the struggles transgender people face". Just imagine living it !!!

[hannahwash]

The way he tells it, it made me fucking break down into tears because he was so accurate, every last word hit home
Honest to god one of the most beautiful, truthful things I've ever heard.

[igotmovesbabe]

Wow. The house metaphor. So so so beautiful.

[ithinkimhipster]

Naturally I didn't come out of the closet, the kids at my school opened it without my permission. That's deep

[pilarcovington]

"It had nothing to do with hating my body, I just loved it enough to let it go."

[aponiaa]

Beautiful poem... I want to give him the biggest hug.

[Waltham]

I am male who was ordered off the rack.  I'm the same inside as outside and will be until I die.  I have never, and will never, spend a moment confused about who or what I am.

But, there are others who are different.  Who are different things at different times and different things with different people or just different all the time with everyone.

They have to bounce between the mold the world forms us in and the free form expression of what they are, which is just different.   Not better, not worse.

Their lives are harder because we favor similarity over authenticity.

I can't see why I, or you, needs to make different harder on them than it already is.

[ParaditeRs]

The moment some people see "transgender" in a videos title, they down vote the video. They don't even bother to watch the video, they don't want to have to hear anything contrary to their own ignorant opinions. That is the absolutely only reason this video has as many down votes as it does. The idea of someone being transgender terrifies a lot of people because they are cowards. They don't understand how one can feel such a way, and even worse they don't care to make an effort to try and learn anything about transgendered people and how they feel. Rather, people would rather mock these people, down vote a video and present themselves as nothing more than ignorant bigots.

[Akudoir_]

This is actually my favorite TED talk, it gives me chills every time I listen to it, it has that strength, this beautiful writing and it feels so real... Absolutely awesome

[benxx]

“You do not evacuate. You make it comfortable enough to house all your insides. You make it pretty enough to invite guests over. You make the floorboards strong enough to stand on.”

When I was a child, I was sat down in front of a TV to watch the “A Girl Like Me: The Gwen Araujo Story”. I had never seen a human I related to more before watching this and it ended in her death. The first trans person I was exposed to was brutally murdered for being herself.

I have been a closet trans person for most of my life. Going in and out of accepting that it’s who I am and being both jealous and proud of my peers who dare to stand out. Instead I retreat and I hide. I think, at least I get compliments when I present as masc. is it better, though? Or just more comfortable? Every compliment on my masculine features is like a tiniest needle stabbing an insecurity that quietly shouts from within “no one will ever really see you.” I try to convince myself that we’re all one in the eyes of the universe. That obsessing over how the world sees me will only distract me and I should be stronger. But it’s actually doing the opposite. By not transitioning, im constantly distracted. Every time someone compliments me - something well intended - it breaks me. When people try to respectful and call me sir, I cringe. Brother, son, uncle, boyfriend - all of it makes me want to run as far away as I can.

I used to fear that if I transitioned, people would judge me. I most recently feared that if I never transitioned, no one would ever really know me. Now, my biggest fear is that by not transitioning - I will never know me.

[juliahenriques]

Don't get all the complaints about how TED is repeating itself in the transgender issue. This is the first TED on transdenders I've ever seen. Right now in my YouTube suggestions list I have 14 TED videos, 4 or 5 are specifically about social, political, and civil rights issues. The others are about psychology, biology, design, urban planning, robotics, space exploration... It's not that TED is talking less about old topics. They just seem to be talking about new topics. When has broadening their focus become a bad thing?

[dragonslayer]

Hearing this as a trans man, he hit everything on the mark. Every word, every delivery hit perfectly. The fear, the ridicule, the hatred of others. And not to mention being even unloved by parents. I'm a ghost and I am proud.

[fliss]

"oncoming traffic is embracing more transgender kids than parents"
That was so deep holy heck, my heart is broken tbh

[eliah]

"It is not about hating my body, I just love it enough to let it go"

#Feels

[theravenousrabbit]

I see absolutely no reason for why this video should be down rated as heavily as it has this quickly. There was literally nothing in here that whinged and whined about the privilege of others but simply being under the struggle of gender expectations.

I just wished that TED would actually bring in talkers sometime that deal with the problems that boys face without angling it into towards that ever creeping theme of toxic masculinity.

[zacharynathan]

This is positively one of the most beautiful, eye opening, spectacular poems I've ever had the pleasure of hearing.

[MarkFlavin]

Not ashamed to admit he made me cry - I have never been in the situation he was but I didn't always live my life true to myself. It took a lot of courage to share what he did and even more courage to live true to himself and for what it is worth I think it makes the world a bit brighter that someone is able to find happiness in the face of so much opposition.

[ancients]

(I didn't see anybody else type it out in the comments so; )

The first time I uttered a prayer was in a glass-stained cathedral
I was kneeling long after the congregation was on its feet.
dip both hands into holy water
trace the trinity across my chest
my tiny body drooping like a question mark all over the wooden pew
I asked Jesus to fix me
And when he did not answer
I befriended silence in the hopes that my sin would burn and salve my mouth
Would dissolve like sugar on tongue
But shame lingered as an aftertaste and, in an attempt to reintroduce me to sanctity, my mother told me of the miracle I was
Said I could grow up to be anything I want
I decided to
be a boy
It was cute
I had snapback, toothless grin, used skinned knees as street cred
Played hide and seek with what was left of my goal
I was it
The winner to a game the others could not play
I was the mystery of an anatomy
A question asked but not answered
Tight-roping between awkward boy and apologetic girl
And when I turned twelve
The boy phase wasn't cute deemed anymore
It was met with nostalgic aunts who missed seeing my knees in the shadow of skirts
Who reminded me that my kind of attitude would never bring a husband home
That I exist for heterosexual marriage and child-bearing
And I swallowed their insults along with their slurs
Naturally, I did not come out of the closet.
The kids at my school opened it without my permission
Called me by a name I did not recognize
Said "lesbian"
But I was more boy than girl
More Ken than Barbie
It had nothing to do with hating my body
I just loved it enough to let it go
I treat it like a house
and when your house is falling apart, you do not evacuate
you make it comfortable enough to house all your insides
you make it pretty enough to invite guests over
you make the floor boards strong enough to stand on
my mother fears I have named myself after fading things.
As she counts the echoes left behind by Mya Hall, Leelah Alcorn, Blake Brockington.
She fears that I'll die without a whisper.
That I'll turn into 'what a shame' conversations as the bus stop
She claims I have turned myself into a mausoleum
That I am walking casket
News headlines have turned my identity into a spectacle
Bruce Jenner on everyone's lips while the brutality of living in this body becomes an asterisk at the bottom of equality pages
No one ever thinks of us as human
Because we are more ghost than flesh
Because people fear that my gender expression is a trick
That it exists to be perverse
That it ensnares them without their consent
that my body is a feast for their eyes and hands
and once they have fed off my queer
they'll regurgitate all the parts that they did not like.
They'll put me back into the closet
Hang me with all the other skeletons
I will be the best attraction.
Can you see how easy it is to talk people into coffins?
To misspell their names on gravestones
and people still wonder why there are boys rotting
they go away in high school hallways
they are afraid of becoming another hashtag in a second
afraid of classroom discussions becoming like judgement days
and now
oncoming traffic is embracing more transgender children than parents.
I wonder how long it will be before the trans suicide notes start to feel rudundant.
before we realize that our bodies become lessons about sin long before we learn to love them.
Like God didn't save all this breath and mercy
like my blood is not the wine that washed over Jesus' feet
My prayers are now getting stuck in my throat.
Maybe I am finally fixed.
Maybe I just don't care.
Maybe God finally listened to my prayers.
{thank you}

[ORASystemsTraining]

This is powerful - this is beautiful. It deeply moved me. Bravo!

[katiekawaii]

At first I was sad and frustrated to once again see so many downvotes on a video about gender, but then I realized that we are at least in a place where more than twice as many people choose humanity over hate (380 vs 171 as of this comment) even when they are anonymous, and if that is true then we just have to keep going.