Barry Humphries reads a letter about a very grumpy cat

One afternoon in 1960, a balding cat named Blackie was thrust upon novelist John Cheever by Josephine (Josie) Herbst, an old friend who while visiting for lunch explained that she could no longer keep him. Cheever reluctantly homed the cat and renamed him Delmore after the poet Delmore Schwartz, the former wife of whom had once owned the cat in question. Alas, Cheever and Delmore didn’t get on; so much so that Cheever’s friendship with Herbst soon deteriorated and they ceased contact. The rift finally healed in December 1963, when Cheever sent her an update by letter.

In October 2016, at Letters Live at London's Freemasons' Hall, the late, great Barry Humphries joined us to give a hilarious reading of this brilliant letter.

[Bobs-Wrigles]

All Hail the -King- Queen of comedy, RIP John Barry Humphries AO CBE
We will miss you greatly.

[nikiTricoteuse]

In case anyone is wondering why everyone, including Barry himself, is laughing at his mention of speaking with a "rather affected Australian accent", some of his much loved alteregos did the same. RIP Sir Barry, you bought more people to tears laughing, than should have been humanly possible.

[cinemaipswich]

We are blessed by the comedy of Barry Humphries. A wonderful servant of our need for derision and ridicule. He is now gone, but never forgotten.

[Rambam]

May the world continue to be graced with such long lived talents that bring us all together in laughter

[unclenogbad]

That's one helluva cat, and read by one helluva speaker.

[lokisfriend]

He has always been my, "If you could have lunch with one person, dead or alive, who would it be?"

[davidsummer]

Barry was a philosopher who decided to become a comedian

[CatsandJP]

Oh…..Delmore how could you leave butt shuttles and bum dumplings in a Kleenex box…..Read by a brilliant talented man who brought so much light and laughter to the world. He is no doubt a sell out in the celestial box office up above. He will be missed…. RIP….😂💔🕊️🇦🇺🇦🇺

[mortalclown]

I'm that old chick who's feeling bad about an unloved cat who passed decades ago.

[judyharper]

Just a thought, Dame / Sir Barry Humphries. Wonderfully entertaining.

[amberg]

Such a beautiful thing to cherish and keepsake. Letters.

[faenethlorhalien]

Remember: cats, unlike dogs, UNDERSTAND their name and know when you're calling them. They just choose to ignore you because cat.

[pegitamg]

Now this is a real 'outfit'. Snazzy looker here!

[ksl]

This makes me want to read John Cheever.

[nickiethesaint]

They just had Woody Harrelson read this letter 😮

[CatsandJP]

And now Barry has been laid to rest privately on 28th with only family and close friends attending in Bowral NSW, guest were only told on Thursday night 27th, no speeches were made but readings of his favourite poems from The Heart of a Friend by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow... No decision on a state funeral has been decided…….it’s understandable when a request for privacy is asked by a grieving family of a celebrity nowadays.💔🕊️🇦🇺🇦🇺

[residentenigma]

"cats prefer house's over people".

David Byrne.

[daniellemurphy]

Someone else already read this letter a few years ago...

[fredmichaels]

He is not a forgiving cat

John Cheever and his feline foe

Cedar Lane
Ossining

Some Friday

Dear Josie,

It’s been years since we had anything but the most sketchy communication. I’ve long since owed you an account of the destiny of your cat and here we go.

The cat, after your leaving him, seemed not certain of his character or his place and we changed his name to Delmore which immediately made him more vivid. The first sign of his vividness came when he dumped a load in a Kleenex box while I was suffering from a cold. During a paroxysm of sneezing I grabbed for some Kleenex. I shall not overlook my own failures in this tale but when I got the cat shit off my face and the ceiling I took Delmore to the kitchen door and drop-kicked him into the clothesyard. This was an intolerable cruelty and I have not yet been forgiven. He is not a forgiving cat. Indeed he is proud. The next eventfulness came on Thanksgiving. When the family had gathered for dinner and I was about to carve the turkey there came a strangling noise from the bathroom. I ran there and found Delmore sitting in the toilet, neck-deep in cold water and very sore. I got him out and dried him with towels but there was no forgiveness. Shortly after Christmas a Hollywood writer and his wife came to lunch. My usual salutation to Delmore is “Up yours”, and when the lady heard me say this she scorned me and gathered Delmore to her breasts. Delmore, in a flash, started to unscrew her right eyeball and the lady, trying to separate herself from Delmore lost a big piece of an Italian dress she was wearing which Mary said cost $250.00. This was not held against Delmore and a few days later when we had a skating party I urged Delmore to come to the pond with us. He seemed pleased and frisked along like a family-loving cat but at that moment a little wind came from the northeast and spilled the snow off a hemlock onto Delmore. He gave me a dirty look, went back to the house and dumped another load into the Kleenex box. This time he got the cleaning-woman and they remain unfriendly.

This is not meant at all to be a rancorous account, but Delmore contributes a dynamic to all our relationships. People who dislike me go directly to his side and he is, thus, a peace-maker. He loves to play with toilet paper. He does not like catnip mice. He does not kill song birds. In the spring the rabbits chase him around the lawn but they leave after the lettuce has been eaten and he has the terrace pretty much to himself. He is very fat these days and his step sounds more like that of a barefoot middle-aged man on his way to the toilet than the settling in of a winter fog but he has his role and we all respect it and here endeth my report on Delmore the cat.

I hope all is well with you. Mary teaches, I write, the children go to various schools and all is well.

Best,
John
Originally from The Letters of John Cheever by John Cheever. Published by Jonathan Cape.
1989 / Copyright © Benjamin Cheever, 1988

[letolethe]

I just watched their video of Woody Harrelson reading the same letter, and it was posted around the same time. Why have two?