I Just Quit Medicine - Why I Left

I quit - no clickbait here. Thank you for supporting me.

0:00 I Quit
1:00 Getting into Medical School
18:00 Medical School:
30:00 Juice →? Squeeze
38:00 Residency
49:00 Why I Left
53:00 Zombie
1:02:00 Summary and what's next

[ZachHighley]

I am OVERWHELMED by the support I've received here. Thank you all. Love you all. I'll be replying to every single one of you.

I want to reiterate what I said about being a "Zombie" because there seems to be some confusion:

I am NOT saying everyone who goes into medicine becomes a Zombie; the biggest mentors in my entire life are practicing, world-changing clinicians.

If I stayed practicing clinical medicine, I would 100% become a Zombie. And life is too short.

The only question you need to ask yourself is, "Is the juice worth the squeeze?"

For those going into medicine or who are in medicine:

We are so honored to have this opportunity to work with people who are at one of the most scary times in their lives. Truly privileged.

No one, no one at all, experiences something as unique as being with people at the crucible of their life. You have the opportunity to change people's lives.

Lean in.

Pay attention to healing pain, whether it's through medical interventions or just talking to people.

Pay attention to your team.

Pay attention to your thoughts.

Your patients are everything.

Love,
Zach

P.S. Added time-stamps:
0:00 I Quit
1:00 Getting into Medical School
18:00 Medical School:
30:00 Juice →? Squeeze
38:00 Residency
49:00 Why I Left
1:02 Summary and what's next

P.P.S. Thank you so much to the teachers, clinicians, hospital workers, patients, and mentors I've met online and in person throughout this career. You have changed my life.

[arjundupati]

Hi Zach. I am a dermatologist working in my own private practice. A lot of what you said in your video really resonated with me. I think much of what you felt during medical school and training is moral injury. There are so many issues with the medical training process (Hazing, unchecked power of those in charge, cult-like behaviors, lack of teaching, neglect, etc) as well as the American healthcare system at large (major inequities, lack of focus on patient quality of life, insurance and corporate mandates, lack of physician autonomy). It's a system that routinely disenfranchises amazing people like you who patients would be lucky to have as their physician. Take it from someone who disliked most of med school and who largely enjoys practicing as an attending which is MUCH better. It isn't perfect, but it is fulfilling. I encourage you to re-visit your decision after taking some time to yourself and consider finishing residency. You can even choose a job working 1 or 2 days a week while you pursue your other ventures. But above all, always do what is best for you. You are the captain of your life. The juice is certainly worth the squeeze.

[missiontomedicine]

Video Summary:
- endless sacrifices to get into med school from: 2 year post bacc and 1 gap year
- he enjoyed learning about medicine and did well in school. wasn’t sure on which speciality ended up deciding on internal med because didn’t want life of a surgeon or OB/Gyn
- internal medicine residency was hard for him.
- felt like he was a zombie in medicine
- he felt like the residents and fellows are also destroyed. some of the residents were sighing about the tasks and responsibilities they had to do and it was draining to see.
- his intern year was rough, he felt like he was operating on 15% on battery savings mode.
- he was drained and not happy
- there are some people like his Cardiac surgeon he shadowed was passionate and it was a full filling job to that surgeon
why he made the decision:
- good: growth and camarade he enjoyed
- bad: time sacrifice, fitness & health decline, general life things, and administration BS. (95%). He questioned his impact that he was making.
- He was not happy.
- ugly: “the destruction of brilliance” the fellows and residents were good people but they were being crushed.
- no longer wanted to be a zombie


This was a well made reflective video Zach! Thank you for taking us on your journey over the years! Best of luck to you on your future endeavors. Excited to see what’s next!

[SolamanoRaymond]

I just entered medicine this year, and this is what YouTube has been recommending to me since then

[chahdzouhair]

I think this generation’s emphasis on mental health and good health in general is an important shift. People are becoming more aware of when stress becomes toxic or unsustainable. It’s not about avoiding hardship, but rather recognizing when a situation is genuinely harmful versus just difficult. And It's unrealistic to think that happiness or passion will be constant, no matter how carefully we choose our path.
BRAVE decision from A BRAVE man .Sometimes stepping away opens doors you never expected, giving you space to discover new passions or paths. so happy for u :))) can't wait for the new chapters

[jnu]

Oh Zach, I can still sense the pain in your voice but I truly hope you are okay. Don’t worry, you will do great things.

[kathexis]

My jaw dropped when I read the title. Zach, you have helped me so much in my academic journey as an undergraduate student. I am applying to medical school this year and SKMC was one of the schools I applied to SPECIFICALLY because of you. I really appreciate your honesty and vulnerability in this video.

[worldtraveler]

Oh my gosh 😮 I appreciate your decision to make this video. Your total transparency is commendable. I wish you the best on your new journey

[skylerkriese]

Watching for over an hour was a breeze because your vulnerability and willingness to share your story are so rare. You are an inspiration and will continue to be in your career as long as you are able to fill your own cup as well. I'm not in the medical field—environmental justice actually—but your organization and study videos have been an immense help to me. Cheers to finding a path where the juice is well worth the squeeze.

[NotSure-su]

I'm a 4th year med student at the same med school you went to, and I remember meeting you one time 2 years ago on a rooftop at one of the fraternity parties. I just watched your entire video and cannot express just how much I agree with your sentiment. I remember going into medical school feeling similarly to how you did, and by the time third year came around, I was completely checked out. My first rotation was OBGYN too, and the residents (and sadly some of my fellow med students) that I met during that rotation made me realize just how awful the rest of the year would be. The never-ending feeling of needing to impress others just to get good grades, having to "compete" with other med students who would always try to one-up you and do the most, spending insane hours on your feet and in the hospital (I would definitely cry if I had to do 4am-10pm shifts regularly), and the feeling that you weren't really doing many meaningful things to help patients. I just absolutely hate dealing with it now. I'm post-ERAS and while I'm applying to a specialty that I think I might ultimately enjoy, thinking about having to spend my intern year doing floor medicine is so depressing. On all my rotations now I am just constantly thinking of how much I don't want to be there. I will (hopefully) end up finishing residency, but to be honest, if I had another good option I would likely take it. Good luck to you with everything though.

[anitas]

I’m a recently retired physician. I probably wouldn’t do it again, for the really important reasons you discussed last. I didn’t dislike my job, but I got blunted as a person. I didn’t stay me and I didn’t stay creative or passionate, or physically or mentally fully healthy and alive. I know some colleagues who did, or seemed to have, but I couldn’t. I spent 30 years and I don’t think the juice was worth the squeeze, for me, for who I am. It is imperative to be selfish in this, Zach. It is critically important to make the right decision for yourself, not for anyone else.

Add: I have still been thinking about this discussion and it has really helped me crystallize the difference between things that feed me and give me energy, and things that drain me. Practicing medicine drained me. I want my retirement years to be filled with things that feed me and add to my energy. Thanks for the great conversation. I wish you the best! You are observant and introspective, traits that will serve you well.

[DaanishMahmood]

This takes more courage than getting into medical school in the first place. Good on you, man. I'm sure you'll do well in whatever you pursue. Nice to see people like Ali Abdaal and now Zach exercising their autonomy in life. 👏👏👏

[maureencameron]

Medical school and residency shattered me. The pressure, the sacrifices, the abuse, the perpetual exhaustion, the stress. But I pushed through it, because the idea of not completing it didn't even occur to me honestly. When I finished internal medicine residency, I thought it was a new start for me. I felt like everything was going to be better. I made it through four years of clinical practice, but the life was gradually draining out of me, and I always felt like the workload was just a massive weight on my shoulders that I could never get on top of. Patients/families were never happy and/or were often downright angry. I often worked 12 hour days, 7 days a week, with very little support or acknowledgement of any kind. I was becoming increasingly depressed. One day I left work in 2018, and drove myself straight to another hospital, to check into emerg as a patient myself. I could not stand living one more day feeling the way I was feeling, and knew I wasn't going to make it if I didn't do something drastic. I was admitted to the psych unit for four months with severe depression.

It has been over six years now, and several psych admissions later, and I still haven't returned to full time internal medicine. I have not been able to beat the depression, so this year I underwent deep brain stimulation surgery in a final effort to get it under control. I think it may be helping to some extent. I do the occasional on call shift or cover for a colleague at the hospital, but I can feel the anxiety and the stress the moment I step through those doors. Honestly some days I can barely manage to take care of myself, let alone be responsible for the wellbeing of so many others. But I have not been able to let medicine go completely. It's all I know, and all I've known since I first started medical school almost twenty years ago.

Should I have quit medicine a long time ago? Perhaps. I'm honestly not sure. I know I care about people, and I care about doing good work, but I now feel very weak and tired and beaten down. Leaving medicine would be a very scary and hard decision to make. Kudos to you for having the strength to do so if you knew in your heart that it wasn't for you. Life is too short to make such huge sacrifices if they don't bring you happiness and peace.

[aidanticeraskin]

I’ve never related to a story more. As someone in the middle of applying to medical school, the constant email refreshing, the stress of applying ruining an amazing family trip in Canada, and the constant, awkward conversations when people ask what's next—it’s all too familiar. I used to feel like I was going through it alone, but knowing that so many others are dealing with the same challenges brings a real sense of solidarity. I truly believe that with the dedication we've all shown throughout this process, we all could excel in any field. Best of luck to you, Zach. I have no doubt you'll find happiness and success wherever life takes you.

[jaxmom]

Zach—unbelievable video. Not sure how it ended up in my line-up. I’m a 71 yo OBGyn, now semi-retired. Your video struck me deeply. Medicine is such a sacrifice, not just the personal sacrifice, but the effect on my family, kids, marriage. The interactions with patients can be soooo satisfying, but those sometimes seem so rare and random. The administration of medicine is very difficult, especially the EMR practice of medicine. I am currently working with the underserved, thinking it was more worthy. I still can feel under appreciated in a situation in which I am really needed. The burnout is real. It’s too bad.

[RameshKumar-ngnf]

Reminds me of Ali Abdaal who left medicine in similar way and now he is having more bigger impact on society across the globe.
I know you too will do something big impactful in life as well. Wish you all the best for the future .

[perpetval]

This is the realest video I’ve seen in a long time. Thank you so much for sharing. Your videos have always been, and continue to be tremendously helpful. I know this is just the beginning of a new chapter for you. You have a fantastic, vibrant, and contagiously motivating personality, even when discussing something like leaving medicine. Much love

[SoloJedi_]

Thank you. I started medical school following your Anki videos and used your story as motivation. I am truly appreciative you sharing your story and being honest. I'm an MS3 and think about quitting EVERYDAY. NO ONE will know how challenging medical school is, and the toll in takes on you physically and mentally. But I hope you're happy with your decision and I wish you all the best in your future endeavors.

[doriasalmon]

I watched the whole video to the end:) I don’t know how it got to my utube inbox but I enjoyed it. Zack, I’m going to tell it from the heart: take time off and go back to finish your residency. You are still young. Your place in thinking will be so different 5 or 10 years from now. As you age and mature you will have more control of your work profession and you will be more at peace and fulfilled with your work. I am now 65 years and the way I practiced in my 30’s was so different from my 40’s and 50’s… each decade I gained practical wisdom from years of treating patients. I absolutely love practicing now, I love my work and my patients. Thank God I stuck it out during those first few years of feeling the same drudgery and unfulfillment because I cannot imagine not doing what I love today which is patient care. I answer only to myself. I have control over my work schedule and I try to mentor students to the best way I can so they not burn out or have unrealistic expectations but rather know that their work will definitely become fulfilling and meaningful with time. Take time off. Go back to finish your residency Zack. I can say that with true honesty and care for you because I am older in years and I know how frustrating it was having to answer to other higher ups. There is so much joy and meaning in years to come as you gain years of wisdom and learn to use your skills for the betterment of many. Mission trips to impoverished areas of Nicaragua and remote areas of far away villages in Panama opened my eyes to so much. Don’t give all that potential you have. Go back and finish.

[tombseyer]

Oh my goodness, I hope you are doing well Zach! I have followed you for years and your videos have been amazing ever since my own undergrad years. I wish you a great future beyond medicine!