Three Kobolds in a Trenchcoat (Animated Music Video)

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Lyrics:

Late one night before the tavernkeeper shut his door
A wobbly gentleman came in, his footing was unsure
Moustachioed and handsome, and his clothing touched the floor
He was no man at all, he was three kobolds in a trench coat

One’s on the bottom, strong is he
Two’s in the middle, carrying Three
Three’s pretending not to be three kobolds in a trench coat

One day when a maiden was out on her nightly stroll
She got lost in the forest and was set on by a gnoll
When in there stepped a gentleman, moustachioed and tall
He was no help at all cause he’s three kobolds in a trench coat

(Chorus)

Once there was a king who was a scourge upon his land
The citizens all wished him dead, his rule they couldn’t stand
One day he just fell dead on the pavement by no hand
He happened to have died next to three kobolds in a trench coat

(Chorus)

The people of the kingdom, the man’s praises they did sing
Believing that he was the one who slew their awful king
Put on his head a crown, and to the throne they did him bring
But little did they know he was three kobolds in a trench coat

(Chorus)

It didn’t take them long to hate their brand new overlord
He butchered up the tax code and put rebels to the sword
From out of his own kingdom he was driven by the horde
The economy had been ruined by three kobolds in a trench coat

(Chorus)
One! Two! Three!
Three kobolds in a trench coat

And if you’re wondering how I sing three part harmony
When I am just one man without another to be seen
I’m sure the most observant of you already have gleaned
That I am not a man, I am three kobolds in a trench coat

One’s on the bottom, fiddling free
Two’s in the middle keeping the beat
I’m pretending not to be three kobolds in a trench coat

We’re pretending not to be three kobolds in a trench coat

[JackSilver]

"Aw, this is catchy.."
"And if you're wondering how I sing three part harmony..."
"I was wrong. This is BRILLIANT!"

[alexanderlambert]

The title had me curious. The song had me laughing my ass off so hard I fell off the other two kobolds.

[blackrapier]

When you try to go out on a date but it's three kobolds in a trenchcoat for the 5th goddamn time this week.

[Astroenby]

I've had a NPC in my game for ages that's three kobolds in a trench coat. Their names are Onion, Potato and Celery but when in coat mode they go by "Soup"

[randomfox]

Okay but a bard who is three kobolds in a trenchcoat who can sing in three part harmonies without any visible instrument accompanyment is actually a baller character idea.

[tntguy]

one: barbarian with high dexterity
two: rogue with good intelligence
three: bard with very high charisma and deception

[pteroid]

Nobody expects the SECOND trio of Kobolds

[NertNeverlander]

"king" trio was amateurs, while "bard" is skillful "one"-man-band lol

[jean-johngonzalevitch]

I couldn't explain why, but I love the fact that, as soon as they're outed from the tavern, they immediately try again somewhere else.
Like, those three LIVE for this shit. The pinnacle of their existence is piling up in a trenchcoat pretending to be a tall, mustachio'd man.

[Ebakthecat]

I saw someone do their own new verses of the song and it's now my personal headcanon that the "Three Kobolds" song, as it is known in the D&D universe, is a song passed on from Bard to Bard with each one modifying and changing the song. You could assemble many different bards and hear different versions of the song. The original? No one knows what the original song was, as its been rewritten so many times. All people know is it starts in a tavern and ends with the bard claiming to be three Kobolds in a trenchcoat.

[Stitchtothemax]

3:10 the fact the singer is also three kobolds in a trench coat is priceless. That was such a plot twist. I didn’t see it coming. I’m so dumb lmao

[ScarlettCaelin]

I love how One, Two and Three are capitalized in a way to make it seem like those are their proper names

[Vintenuthewizard]

honestly love the idea of a bard that's actually 3 bard kobolds using minor illusion to make it look like they're just one guy

[Average-lunatic]

I love that the dnd community just turned kobolds into small playful children

[sweetphoenix]

Perhaps the best part of this is how much personality each of the Kobolds is given, One is headstrong and brave, Two is nervous and easily rattled, and One is calm and quick thinking, likely why they're the head

[SilverScaleMA]

That would be the funniest party idea, have everyone in the party be three kobolds disguising themselves in different ways but they are all trying to hide it and keep it a secret from the others. So the part is basically just a pack of kobolds but each person thinks it is just them.

[calebbraun]

I feel like this is what "chaotic neutral" was meant to be, not "lol, I'm not a murder hobo, I'm chaotic neutral", just "I unintentionally create chaos just because I tend to be in the wrong/right place at the wrong/right time"

[CardScientist]

I love how the kobolds were ousted for being a terrible ruler and *not* because they were just 3 kobolds in a trench coat. If he were a good king everyone would have just been ok with their king being just 3 kobolds in a trench coat

[MrBlack]

this has got to be my favorite meme in the dnd community, hands down

No matter where you go, someone knows 3 kobolds in a trench coat, or they themselves have been the 3 kobolds in a trench coat, its great

[sirbiscutsomnom]

I like how nervous Two is at every turn. I like to think this was One and Three's idea and Two got roped into it