A letter to myself ten years ago

After ten years of being on YouTube, I thought I'd write a letter to me from 2009 to tell him what he's in for. There's a lot to talk about.

As I say in the video, if this message has resonated with you then please do listen to my advice. In particular, don't think that you either don't deserve or don't want help. Taking the first step of admitting that I was in a bad place was by far the most difficult, and was a huge weight off my shoulders after I took it. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow which I am dreading but know that it will be worth the stress. If I can do this after many, many years of repression and denial then I know you can too.

Please be civil in the comments, to mine and to each others' experiences. I won't hesitate to moderate any unbridled twattery.

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Huge thanks to my supporters on Patreon: Alastair Fortune, Alexander Holvoet, Andy Hartley, Anne Smith, Ben McMurtry, Ben Taitz, bitreign33, Charles Bray, Chloayylmao, Chrismarie, Dan Hanvey, Ethan Fuller, Jackson Dęborkzgórzcski, James Bridges, James Munro, jawad alalasi, Jon Garcia, Kedar, Kendall Hendrix, Kendra Johnson, Kenneth Kusmierek, Kodzo, Lachlan Woods, Leighton Mackenzie, Liam, Louis Gillet, Mat Allen, Omar Miranda, Oskar Hellström, Princess Andromeda, Sean Richards, Tim Boxall, Wendover Productions

[i.gaskoid]

Takes a lot of courage to open up to us about this kind of stuff, Simon, and I’m sure I can speak for the majority here when I say that we’re all super proud of you. All I can say is that I’m so happy that you’re *talking* about feelings and emotions, and bringing all of this to the surface, because it’s so important to communicate before it bottles up! And I hope you do get the respite you deserve because your mental state matters a hell of a lot to us!

If anything, when you were starting to make videos, I was doing my A Levels and in a very, very similar situation. By accepting some things I was doing as a problem, you partly inspired me to change how I communicate my emotions and asking for help once I got to university, and it’s changed my academic and professional future.

This turned into an essay. Oops.
You’re doing really well, and your honesty and tenacity is inspirational. I hope things get better for you in the near future, and thanks for everything you do for us.

[James-zsvm]

You drove me to academia, and took me to a mathematics degree which I love. I know there is a bumpy road ahead of me, and I wish I could see my own ten year reflection from the future "me".
I am eternally grateful for yours and all of educational YouTube's guidance so far, you are a strong man for admitting you have been unwell and I wish you the best for the future.


To the next ten years!

[MiniLuv-]

"Give me time" - sure, absolutely no problem. Take all the time you want/need, I'll be here when you get back.

[fizzybubblyify]

This is your best video by far, apprecieate the honesty.

[thomsonkatie]

This video felt like it was me speaking to me?? I have recently started my PhD (just kind of stumbled into it naturally after my Master's as I enjoy research...) and constantly feel like I shouldn't be there despite everyone around me telling me I am more than capable.. Thank you for this. Great video.

[JonathanCorversProfiel]

When I was severely depressed and struggling to get myself to ask for help. These kinds of videos helped tremendously. I want you to know that. Making videos on this topic is useful and you don't have to feel guilty about making money off of it.

Very specific for those whose mental health issues are related to incessant worrying about the state of the world: even though it sometimes feels incredibly small, taking part in activism really helps me.

[emilebrandes]

Simon, I retired ten years ago and have been following you on Utube when my son handed me his old phone. I had discovered sixty symbols by Brady Haran, onto Sally le page and to your channel. You had just started your ph d degree. It has been enjoyable and enthralling and I learned a lot with a lot of fun especially the choir. Thanks a lot, Emile Brandes, p s look after yourself retired GP who who worked in mental health for a year in acute psychiatric care for adults and geriatrics.

[llabyrinthinessoul]

I've watched you since I was like 14 when I was starting to get interested in physics. I'm almost 22 now and physics is absolutely not what I'm doing and I haven't watched your videos in years but you really were so inspiring to me back then, I would watch all your videos. Something in me today made me click this video. I was like "oh Simon? I wonder how he's doing, I need to watch this." I'm glad I did. I'm glad you're getting help. Health will always be the most important thing. Take care <3

[AllAboutScience]

I am really glad that you talked it out, mental health is really a big issue. As a viewer, I think its more important for creators to make videos that are genuine rather than forced positive or perfect in every way. It's a topic which Pewdiepie talks about in his video "Forced Positivity".
Thank you for such an honest video!

[daria]

Man, you just pronounced the words I really needed right now, the rightest words at the rightest moment.

[lisanne]

You make me cry because I feel cared for and hopefull, optimistic. And I want to give you a hug.

[elizanix]

Dr. Simon
We love you
And your post opening up the other week was inspiring.

You've got this!

[oldclem_]

Thank you so much.
I started watching your videos at the end of high school and through sixth form, and I got into Oxford from a state comp (obviously in part thanks to your content), but earlier this year, after Hilary of my 3rd year of a 4-year course, I took some time off, but I don't think I'll be going back. Over this, like, 9 months of only waking up and then sleeping again, it's been all too easy to do nothing, but to see you work through things in your own way, perhaps, like years earlier, I should follow in your footsteps..
But anyway, "obligatory long comment aside, " I hope you continue to find a healthy balance and us, your audience, are entirely behind you (but at a nice, not intimidating distance...)

[alimuhammadbaig]

For the first couple of minutes I was like "What the heck is he saying about me?". then I realized that it was about himself!
We are proud of you Simon. Just keep working hard
Following you from the very beginning!

[maurocometrue]

Humans perfectly imperfect... That's what we are and I'm glad to know that you had the courage to admit it, since you have inspired me (and us) to talk openly about it. Getting into any PhD may be as hard as go through it, yet, you're history inspire me to overcome 18 rejections to PhD programs and still keep trying it. Now that I'm in the other side, I'm going through the same situation as you and it feels ineffable to know that I'm a human being like you.

[yash-sri]

Whenever I feel sad, I always come back to this video. Thanks for being an inspiration Simon.

[ThePrimevalVoid]

Take as much time as you need, Simon. I'll be here.

[faboo]

THANK YOU FOR THIS! I'm a phyiscs grad student and feel very similar, the imposter syndrome is killing me. You motivate me to get the help I need and shoul not be embarrassed about. Talking about this openly is hard, and by doing so you're making a change. Keep on being a great and inspiring person!

[historymysteries]

I really feel for you, Simon. I’m a similar ago to you and I would love to say similar things about anxiety to my 18 year old self. Do what’s right for you. Your back catalogue is here to keep the wheels turning until you are ready.

[-myhcroft-]

Thanks Simon. I'm a high school student and I have been messed up like this for two years.