The Four Dos and Don'ts of Divorce | Warren Farrell | EP 187

Dr. Warren Farrell and I discuss his book “The Boy Crisis” which explores the challenges boys face in education, mental health, relationships with fathers, and more. Together we steer the conversation towards the overwhelming experience of being a young male navigating through early adolescent years into adulthood.

Warren Farrell is a well-established author who was chosen as one of the world's top 100 thought leaders at the Financial Times. His books have been published in more than 50 countries and 19 different languages. Farrell is the author of New York Times Bestsellers “The Boy Crisis” and “Why Men Are The Way They Are”. Warren Farrell has been involved in a manifold of powerful movements focused on men and women and has been featured on over a thousand television shows including Oprah Winfrey, and Larry King.

[00:00] Jordan Peterson introduces Warren Farrell.
[02:30] Why we are not attending “The Boy Crisis" and delayed gratification.
[13:00] Why we do not attest to “The Boy Crisis” and the disposable male crisis.
[17:30] The role of anger and couples communication.
[21:30] Criticisms from men on "traditional marriage" and the prejudice of the court system to men and custody battles.
[28:00] The four most detrimental things that children need in order to do their best.
[33:00] The development advantages when both father and mother are involved and delayed gratification.
[36:30] The disagreeableness of fathers and examples of delayed gratification.
[(43:30] Teaching a child "no."
[45:00] Examples of delayed gratification in fathers.
[49:00] Personality traits in parenting.
[55:00] The zone of proximal development.
[01:02:30] The importance of parental dialogue and quality time.
[01:06:30] The developmental advantage of fathers teaching 'teasing.'
[01:14:30] Men and women cohabiting in a workplace.
[01:24:00] The differences of choices between men and women lead to men making more money.
[01:25:30] The father's Catch 22.
[01:33:30] Why are fathers making more money? The importance of respect in relationships.
[01:38:00] The competitiveness around men and women and the fear of rejection.
[01:45:30] Robert Crum's bird-headed woman.
[01:50:00] In light of this information, what do we do?
[01:53:30] Dr. Thornhill and biological elements for attraction.
[02:00:30] What we can do to help, and the issues faced to implement such actions.
[02:04:00] The Father Warrior Program idea.
[02:09:00] Dr. Farrell's suggestions to both Trump & Biden administrations.
[02:14:00] Dad deprived situations, and Dr. Farrell's experience talking to the prison population.
[02:16:00] The importance of role models and what single moms can do.
[02:21:30] Issues Farrell faced while getting through with both political parties.
[02:26:30] Drafting and male privilege.
[02:31:00] The dialogue that's needed in our culture.

Jordan B. Peterson is a professor of psychology at the University of Toronto, a clinical psychologist, and the author of the multi-million copy bestseller 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos, #1 for nonfiction in 2018 in the US, Canada, the UK, Australia, New Zealand, Sweden, the Netherlands, Brazil and Norway, and slated for translation into 50 languages.
Dr. Peterson has appeared on many popular podcasts and shows, including the Joe Rogan Experience, The Rubin Report, H3H3 Podcast, and many more. Dr. Peterson’s own podcast has focused mainly on his lecture series, covering a great deal of psychology and historical content.

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[TheGunmanChannel]

As a father I feel a lot more important after listening to this.

[cm]

I love how the guest has his book and JP’s book facing the camera

[ginae]

Warren displaying Jordan's book next to his own is such a subtle show of admiration, a very lovely gesture. Very telling of the type of person he is, caring and humble.

[mitchgingrich]

Please talk to Dr Farrell at least once a month. Every time you do, my sons’ lives get better. Thank you both!!!!

[SirmoshAlot]

As a single father of 3 I am extremely grateful for this video

[koshka]

"Marriage is for children, not for adults. They're the primary target of rank order importance."
Something my parents never understood.
This is really a massive problem in Western society. People actually thinking marriage is about them.

[aliciafinn]

This discussion was illuminating as a child of divorce. Even as a girl/woman/female this resonated with me and the difficulties I experienced and still experience as a child of divorced parents. Especially ones that could barely communicate with one another after the split. Thanks to JP for having difficult conversations.

[stripedcollar]

19:20 "Anger is vulnerability masked and the moment you see your partner as angry, look at the vulnerability that created that anger."
I heard this quote repeated in my head for the rest of the video. I am going to try to apply this to my own thinking about how I am perceived at home.

[flynnmorrow]

Incredible. I love my husband and I love our sons. My husband and I have talked about many of these topics, and it's so good to hear some research and a lot of nuance behind our observations.

[johnekopy]

This couldn't have come at a better time. My son just started 1st grade. Now I have some idea of what he's up against and how to deal with it. TY for your work JBP!

[justinadams]

I've consumed hours upon hours of your lectures and discussions and I think this one might be my favorite. So poignant and relevant. These issues are the wedge that is creating the schism in the west. Love how energetic and dense the talk was yet still comprehensible. You and Warren work really well together, birds of a feather.

[malenejensen]

As a single mum I was very well aware that not having a father in the home harmed my sons. The most important issue for me was to mitigate the harm as much as possible, and I would have appreciated more public information and debate on this topic. Of course it hurts when you are reminded that your divorce (lacking knowledge about choosing wisely) hurts your children, and getting reminded can trigger very sad and bad emotions and reactions, but putting the head in the sand, does not help my or others sons and daughters!!

[dvampofo]

19:22 - "Anger is vulnerability masked and the moment you see your partner as angry, look at the vulnerability that created that anger - the possibility they felt rejected, the possibility they felt misunderstood...that somethings bothering them over and over again but it been ignored and every time they say what's bothering them there's a response, a disconnect that cuts them off and interrupts them before they finish their full feeling"

[jellydarling]

happy that Mr.Peterson has the strong Male support he has, but to all the people who criticize him: HI, still a woman, still benefiting. found better confidence through him then all the crummy marry sues in media.

[kamesenLBC]

I would like for us to recognize the amazing blessing it is to have Jordan producing this deeply meaningful, technical content, and contrast that with a year ago when we were all concerned for his health and recovery. So grateful! Thank you Jordan Peterson!

[truskakwa]

I and my husband are now parents of a 6 months old boy. I am watching this for the third time and soaking up all the stuff. Thank you, dr. Peterson and dr. Farell. We believe we can produce a healthy boy with some guidance and oh what specific guidance you provide. Fathers are the best <3

[bertlemoi]

Listening to Warren Farrel breaks my heart... Remembering all the things that went wrong in my upbringing. Thank you, Dr Warren Farrell, for sharing your work and thoughts this definitively will be of great help on my path to recover my father from the belly of my past. Thank you, Dr Jordan B Peterson, for having these great people on your podcast.

[sylance]

Thank you for brining these issues to light! I teach martial arts and it's very obvious young boys are craving physical challenges, male role models, and discipline.

[TheKevg]

This interview is really interesting and engaging. I would hope Jordan looks into letting his guests finish their thoughts in future interviews. I am here because of his brilliance but also want to hear the guests. ✌🏿

[runem]

I am a simple man(not really but "let's say, eh"),
I hear intro music - I laugh and remember 80s public television
I see Jordan - I feel hope
I see Warren - I feel valuable
I hear introductions - I tear up a bit and feel grateful
I hear 2 men talk for near 3 hours - and I believe fatherly love can maybe be part of western culture again in the future
I love these two men and would like to send them virtual hugs and thanks for what they are doing, you both made my life better. This conversation makes the world better