What To Do When You Don't Know What You Really Want

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I get hundreds of letters from viewers on this channel every month – way more than I can answer, and when I’m choosing which letters I’ll answer here on YouTube, sometimes I decide NOT to answer a letter, but THEN IT STARTS TO HAUNT ME. I keep thinking about the person, and thinking about their story – and the mystery of their struggles, but also the preciousness of their future. And you know what, the most haunting letters are the ones that often end up being the most powerful for all of you here. And I first discovered that a few years ago, when I finally shared THIS woman’s incredible letter, which I originally titled, “How to Know What You Really Want.” and BOY did it strike a nerve. Here it is.

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[keekers]

My mom said the saddest thing to me. She has spent too much of her life trying to survive than to live. She didnt have time to figure out what she wanted. She could only figure out how to survive. She gave up on being "normal" a long time ago.

[BetterLoveMovement]

I changed careers at 40 years old! I was a school teacher and became a therapist. It took 6+ years, and here I am in my own private practice at 56 years old. I’m patiently preparing for my FINAL romantic partner in life. It WILL happen and I just need to be truly ready when he gets here.🥰

[grad]

Boy, can I relate….I’ve never really known what I want. My entire life has been about surviving. Always anxious, waiting on the other show to fall. “Prepare for the worst and hope for the best” theology. It’s exhausting and I’m so very tired. Divorced and still don’t know what I want….constantly “worried” about the what ifs. 😞

[lillianbarker]

I was pushed into a teaching career and I too hated the environment. I also lost my college sweetheart. Looking back from my old age, I see how I was able to make the best of teaching by using my creativity. Because I taught in a good college I was encouraged. I also had free time and stability. I married at 35 and had one child. In my 60s I learned that my college sweetheart who I trusted completely, had been cheating on me when we were together years ago. My point is that life is not as controllable as we think. Maybe you’ll write books in your free time, or paint, and become famous. ❤ Maybe you’ll just spend time at the beach. 😊

[espress]

56 CPTSD survivor & I have been doing this my whole life. Masking & Surving ;

[nickim]

At any age you might be "too old" for certain things just practically and societally speaking. But you are never too old to live a happy and fulfilling life. Life begins whenever you are ready. Keep rediscovering each day with the fresh and curious eyes of a child.

[JumpRopeQueen]

I'm sitting on the bus balling my eyes out😢😢😢😢😢! I resonate with 90% of her story. Worse yet, I'm 57😢. I can't stop crying!!!

[DolceIbarra]

Her story resonates with me so much. Except that I am almost 60 now and that I don’t have a “lost love”. I was married for 30 years to an emotionally abusive man. My tolerance for BS is really high. Now menopause has taken its toll and I feel like I’m better off being alone now because I have no motivation or tolerance for stress to meet anyone. Some days I just want to give up. I need someone to hold my hand daily and tell me the things you’ve said in this video. But I don’t want to be a burden. It’s not a great space to exist in.

[thinlizzy]

the timing of this could not be more perfect for me because i just turned 34 today and seeing other fellow 34 year olds in the comments gives me some comfort. i've always struggled with feeling very behind on many things i think i should already have by my age like having a loving partner, children, stable income from a fulfilling career. i'm only now starting to get ideas to consider for moving closer to self employment because i know i don't want to work any kind of customer service job for the rest of my life because people are just awful and i'm too sensitive to deal with their verbal abuse. i recently took on a scrap/junk journaling hobby and that got me think of how could i repurpose all the paper lying around my apartment and then suddenly felt inspired to get into book binding and paper making! its really random but in my heart, after all these years of feeling lost and unsure about what i want to do, somehow this endeavor feels right. i want to at least try and remember to give myself some grace and start off with small projects and then learn and grow from there.

[easyartisan]

Really resonates with me. Now in my sixties out of an abusive thirty year marriage, my life is very insecure especially my living situation. I made some decisions which had a very negative impact on my life and now I find it hard to make any decision at all, small or large.

[eezaak]

Did a career change from working in hospitality/selling food to nursing at 36. Fast forward to now and I'm finishing a bachelor of nursing. Never to late to change careers. Trust me, 34 is still really young haha.

[LydiaKim-eo]

I’m 64. I started to live as me last year. Fell in love for the first time last year. Never too late to find oneself and truly live.

[_Plumtree_]

"Invisible glass panel" between me and other people is familiar. Argh! Thanks, Fairy. I really appreciate your POV on this and questioning whether a thing amounts to "self-sabotage" or a deep internal preference that we've lost touch with.

[TNDYBRIGHTLIGHTS]

I LITERALLY just had a feeling to check my notifications.
This is SO pertinent right now. I just finished texting a close friend whom I really really trust. I asked her to tell me what i should do. Because I'm very very lost at this point. I'm in university ft, I'm no contact with narcissistic boyfriend and I've had a problem with drug use. And not a little one. A huge one. Bio family threw me away when I was little and recently so did my adoptive family. Not sure what I'm doing, why no one will keep me. Breaking up w bf seems to have brought all these past things to the forefront, all at once.

I really feel like I have no purpose and no sense of who I am. I can't focus long enough to make a decision on next steps.

I'm looking forward to watching this.
Thank you.

[Joshualuv]

I can totally relate . Thank you..62 years later .. I'm feeling the same. Regardless of knowing I'm my own worse enemy. I had a childhood of truama and dysfunction. I appreciate this video. ❤

[Cirukanyoro]

Am 39 and at 34yrs I felt what this woman feels. I used to call it being in stuckyville. I was feeling so stuck and lost. Hated my job, hated my life. Now am 39yrs . I changed jobs but I still don't enjoy it as much, it does pay well and it's a leadership position. I still feel I could do more than am doing. I recently started a YouTube channel to help me explore my capabilities a little more. I also went back to school to do counselling psychology. I am slowly getting to doing things I like.

[itsyaboyb]

This video title was an immediate bullseye direct on the nerve. I’m eager to watch this so much

[charmedprince]

34 here and starting over. I was also a high achiever in high school. And in college i was drained anymore so I hated academics. Dropped out when i was in 4th year if uni and self-taught myself design and sewing. More than 10 years later, here i am still designing but spent the previous years healing from cptsd and all childhood traumas. Then my younger brother passed away from an accident on February this year and now I'm back to square one. The huge realization is that I got no one to please, life can be unexpectedly cut off so I am listing down everything I want to have, to eat, to feel, to experience and I use my grief from death and letting go of limerent objects as fuel to finally take a chance on myself and LIVE. Live the life i truly want and deserve. Hugs to everyone ❤️

[LilMixups]

I hate how much I saw this title and thumbnail and knew I had to watch it instantaneously

[ewa]

I love this. 34 is so young especially these days. Sounds like she’s independent and ambitious woman. Good things must happen here, just feels like she wants to be in control too much.