Doubts are a Protection Mechanism | HealingFa.com

Do I feel in love enough? Do I miss them enough? Shouldn't I be more in love? If you ever had any of these doubts, I want you to know that you are not the only one having these thoughts, and they don't have to say anything about relationship. Relationship doubts used to consume me—I thought they meant my partner and I weren’t meant to be. For six years, I battled endless questions and fears, but I realized those doubts weren’t about us; they came from my own fear and attachment style. There’s a way through it, and I want to help you find it. Watch my video to learn how I overcame it

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Heal your fearful avoidant attachment style
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Video Title: Doubts are a Protection Mechanism

00:00 Intro
01:28 How I realized doubts protected me
06:06 Doubts offered a comfortable "gray zone"
09:01 I was so afraid of rejection
12:55 Doubts don't say anything about your relationship
14:18 Doubts can be healed

This video is the about Doubts are a Protection Mechanism. But It also covers the following topics:

Fear of connection
Abandonment issues
Relationship anxiety

✅ Stay Connected With Me.



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✅ Recommended Playlists

👉 Healing fearful avoidant attachment style

👉The basics of the fearful avoidant attachment style

✅ Other Videos You Might Be Interested In Watching:

👉3 Reasons why you keep attracting the same kind of partners

👉The Vulnerability Hangover - 5 Reasons why you pull back after being vulnerable

👉4 Reasons why Fearful Avoidants make amazing partners

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✅ About Paulien Timmer - Healing the fearful-avoidant.

The way you feel right now is not the way you are. If you want more freedom, calm, love, and peace in your head, body, and life, it is possible. You are not too broken.
‌After spending 14 years healing the fearful avoidant attachment style, I am beyond passionate and dedicated to getting you to where I am now: living a life true to myself, waking up feeling rested and peaceful. Deeply in love with my husband and looking forward to the future. This is what life is supposed to be like, and it is my honor to help you get there.
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In the past 7 years, I have guided over 2000 people through my Dutch programs (I am from the Netherlands), to a secure attachment and happy relationship. Over the past year and a half, another 260 beautiful people have been through the English program Healed&Happy. I love seeing how lives can change within three months, and how NORMAL it can feel to have a secure attachment. I wish you so much joy, pleasure, and love.

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#relationshipanxiety #fearfulavoidantattachment #relationshipocd #healingjourney #healingfa #anxiety

Disclaimer: We do not accept any liability for any loss or damage incurred from you acting or not acting as a result of watching any of my publications. You acknowledge that you use the information I provide at your own risk. Do your research.

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© Paulien Timmer - Healing the fearful-avoidant

[shantbarsoumian]

Yes please make a video of why FAs always feel like they have to earn love and be in control of the relationship. They feel "safer" or more "comfortable" dating and being with emotionally unavailable people, or narcissists and feel they constantly have to work and earn love and don't trust the love that comes too easily and is unconditional. When I told my FA-ex that I loved her she said she didn't believe me and didn't trust it. And 3 days later she said she had "lost feelings" for me and didn't feel passion or love for me and broke up with me out of the blue. Yet she easily chased and committed to a narcissistic and abusive partner who she is currently with. I pray she will be able to heal these attachment wounds and childhood trauma, but I fear she will never become self aware and understand the pattern that she is stuck in. Your videos have been so helpful for me to understand how her mind works and what she is feeling and thinking in the midst of all this. Your honest and open insights are so valuable for family and partners of FAs to get some understanding into their "fear brain" as you describe it.

[marknightingale]

We have a fear of connection but we crave it at the same time

[RiverOakMusic]

You are such a blessing Paulien. Thank you 🙏🏻♥️

[tmaitra]

Hi, Paulien. Your contents are so relatable that I am always in a state of awe. And really, thank you, from my innermost core, for providing such a platform where FAs don't feel like they're going crazy just because their fear brains prompt them to believe so. ❤

[Soanywayyys]

I love these videos so much and how long they are ❤ sometimes I even have the fear that someone else can heal but what if I can't because it's just me I'll always have a brain that works this way but watching these videos gives me hope

[mishellishei]

Hi Paulien ❤ Could you talk about how to recover the state of love towards your partner when you are in a moment in which you feel a lot of repulsion towards him? It's being difficult :(

[danielazhar]

when you started to pull away, crash, or withdraw, what did Arjen do? Did he stay silent until you initiated things, or did he console you? Also, what’s the longest period you ever withdrew, and how did Arjen react to that? And how exactly were you sure on your wedding day that there were no more doubts? Did you wait to feel secure before deciding to get married?

I’m sorry for asking so many questions. I just need some clarity because, to be honest, I really love her. At the very least, I need to give us a chance before deciding to move on.

[lolop.]

Once again thank you so so much for your videos that help so much !!

[rosie]

I recognized so much of this🥺 so hard to go through, I’m so glad I stuck it out ❤

[valentinacastillo]

Thank you so much for your videos, you give me hope

[alchemysticlife]

I'm so appreciating your videos - I've been binging! ^ou're saying things about thoughts and feelings that I've had all my life and no one has understood, so I thought I was broken. I had no idea this was my attachment style until now. I feel seen! And I have questions - in your videos you talk a lot about 'when you're in a healthy, safe relationship and xyz happens, this is your FA fear-brain". What if we're not sure we're in a healthy relationship? I'd say most of my attempted partners (and the current one) have been either anxious or avoidant, which has triggered my pendulum swings. You give a lot of examples of you and your husband, who's securely attached (amazing!), but how do we decipher these things when our partner is also has an insecure attachment style?! (And by the way, I'm gay, so my partner is a woman)

[maskedtuxedo]

Hi Paulien, could you also do a video on how a partner of an FA should handle this? I'm going through this right now. My FA girlfriend has pulled back and has expressed doubts as we entered a committed relationship.

[Meemo]

Thanks for your vids as always! When you talk about doubts in your videos and other rocd vids I’ve seen, it’s always about whether someone ‘loves their partner enough’ and doubting feelings etc. I’m wondering though, are doubts that extend to things that aren’t feelings related also from your ‘fear brain’? For me, I can accept that feelings fluctuate but other things are difficult. I mean you’ve talked about how FAs try to find problems to solve, and when that’s resolved they find another one to obsess over ..I feel like these are harder to distinguish if there’s something that’s not working in the relationship or if it’s just your anxiety. What I’ve realized is that people say look for ‘patterns’ but I think I’ve become a little obsessive about that. 😅 so I guess my question is how do you know a doubt is legitimate or just anxiety latching onto something?

[elmarwolters]

Can you do this program in French please !!!

[steven-YLT]

Just found your videos. I've already commented on a few of the past ones. There are some decent coaches on YouTube in this space. But your experiences and the way you describe them most closely mirror my ex FA. I had mentioned this in one of the prior comments I left, but is there a way to introduce them to this type of thing without patronizing them? My ex is a proud woman and during our post-breakup conversations even said she's ' working on things' but honestly, while I think she's taking account of her past, which includes her breaking up with every former boyfriend, I'm not convinced she really knows where it stems from. I am a scientist + get quite enmeshed in research for my job. Post breakup. I immediately went into research mode here. That's when I was able to make a determination with what I think is close to a certainty about her attachment style. This is based on her past trauma and her childhood and all of the attributes that I see mirrored by you in your videos. So just wanted to thank you for this. No matter what happens with her and I moving forward this great information presented in a very easily digestible manner. Nice work.

[patryk]

@Paulien Timmer and how u got to know u are fearfull avoidant? psychologist told you? or how? please tell me

[Rishu-ct]

I am also committed but i constantly face these doubts thanks for the video but i always ask myself whether these doubts are there because my ex is better for me like i am not able to decide since 2 years... Am in a monogamous relationship too but still feels that whom i love more my ex or current or idk why my feelings are so fucked up...am ur new subscriber from india... Would love if u can suggest something...because i ve done therapies over here but no one knows that much deep about fa here

[aw.]

I still wonder if my ex was a narcissist or an FA.
We are in NC.
I texted him and deleted his number.
He didnt read my message, but the next day he went to the store where my siblings work, bought something small he can get everywhere and didnt talked to them. He read my message the day after.
Can someone explain this behaviour?
I now blocked him.

[Ellael]

But I have doubts that HE doesn't find me beautiful/stunning enough.. that he might find his ex prettier etc.
He's not good with giving compliments and it's a bit difficult to deal with that. He's a bit DA and it's just hard for him to tell me how beautiful he finds me. It makes me doubt if I should reconsider everything and its so tiring :(