5 LIES I Believed About Self-Care as Someone with ADHD

Hello, Brains! This last year has been WILD and it made me realize some things about self-care that I totally believed that weren't... actually helping me care for myself. So I want to go over five lies about self-care that I believed.... and what I believe now, in hopes that this will help you all as you figure out how to care for yourself, too.

National Maternal Mental Health Hotline: Call or text 833-TLC-MAMA (833-852-6262) for 24/7 support
Postpartum Support International (PSI) PPD Warmline: Call 1-800-944-4773 (4PPD) for support and resources
Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988 for free and confidential support

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00:00 Intro
00:53 Lie #1
04:04 Lie #2
08:01 Lie #3
09:56 Lie #4
12:40 Lie #5
14:24 Outro

"The Show Must Be Go”
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0

[RaverHates]

A therapist once told me that powering through/soldiering on/ whatever you want to call it, is something you should only do for a few hrs at the most, not weeks/months/my entire life as I'd previously believed.

[johncayley]

Sometimes, what I consider self care, others perceive as laziness, which is a hot button for me. I tend to 'seek permission' for self care to validate to myself the validity.

[JPWrites]

"How are you enjoying your alone time?"
"I'll let you know when I have it." 😂

[sageanastasi]

Regarding "I don't have time for self-care", my little mantra for that, taken from a sign on a big machine, is "If you don't schedule time for maintenance, the machine will schedule it for you."

[stellaluna]

Most helpful self-care thing for me has been the phrase "I am allowed to change my mind."

[janitaburgess]

One of the hardest things for me to learn about self-care was that it’s not always pretty. Sometimes it’s doing laundry because I really will feel better if I can wear clean clothes. Sometimes it’s cooking a proper meal because I really will feel better if I eat healthy food. Sometimes it’s cleaning my home because I really will feel better with less clutter and dust. Now, outsourcing these things can also help—I don’t necessarily need to be the person cleaning my home—but if that’s not possible, I still find it’s always better to do it myself so that it gets done.

And one other thing I’ve learned is to use that as motivation. So many people say things like “Don’t you take pride in your home?” when they encourage you to clean, for example, or they say things like “The satisfaction of a job well done is its own reward.” And good for them, but that doesn’t work for me. I eat good food because I like feeling good, not because I’m some sort of gourmand or because I’m cooking for guests. I don’t particularly like cooking, but I really like feeling good, so that’s how I motivate myself to cook.

[bombastic-butterfly]

That phone charging analogy had me putting the brakes on because wait a damn minute if AN INANIMATE OBJECT gets to recharge why do I tell myself that my brain...just doesn't???

[blumoon]

The book Burnout by the Nagoski sisters is amazing, as is the accompanying podcast the Feminist Survival Podcast, that they created back in 2020. One of their refrains is 'when you think you need more grit, what you need is more help. When you think you need more discipline, you need more kindness and when you look at others and think they need more grit, what they need is more help. And when you think they need more discipline, what they need is more kindness." I try to live by that principle.

[jonathanp___________]

Jessica: “Brush your teeth.”
Me: “Wait—I still need to do that… I’m’a do that.”
I brushed my teeth.

[wendyreynolds]

I became a slave to an attitude that started out as my mom teaching me to be responsible: we do what we have to do (responsibilities) before we do what we want to do. I'm 53 and only just started to realize this when it seemed that all I do is work and chores. I'm learning to break the cycle, but quitting smoking was easier!

[histrion]

3:21 "run Do what people expect.exe in the background" is going to become my new phrase of phrases

[squidsvids]

5:47 "What're you gonna do, yeet the baby?" really got me, I needed that laugh

[Becky_Cooling]

When I was growing up, I was told time and time again that self-care is selfish and I should always put others before me no matter the cost.
I'm still trying to undo all of the damage caused

[RebeccaLaffarSmith]

Just deciding that it's OKAY to always have my groceries delivered to my door has made a HUGE difference. I'm AuDHD and grocery shops are a nightmare. I wouldn't go until literally the cupboards, fridge, and freezer were bare. And then I'd struggle the whole time, even doing systematic isles, even with a list. Because the environment is visually overstimulating, noisy, and the executive function required is INSANE.

But it's the kind of thing that gets drilled into you. And some people are like, Why would you pay for delivery, it's like walking distance from your house. But when I decided, Why am I putting myself through this nightmare experience when I can order on an app at home, where I can literally be standing in front of my cupboard and seeing what I need more of or not, and then get it delivered to my door, shopping became something that was so much easier. And I end up spending LESS money, even with the cost of delivery, because I don't do the impulse or stress buying, or buying things I don't actually need because of have four of them in the cupboard already.

Grocery shopping online, is actually, self-care.

[Rav]

Body Doubling only works if the other person in the room doesn't give you anxiety.

[Neurodi-girl]

I think it's also important to clarify that some of us who don't have or don't want to have babies/kids may not have this "aha" moment and you NEED to do it for yourself.
You are not always going to have a somebody else to do it for.
This is coming from someone who sometimes lost motivation to make proper meals when my partner wasn't home so "who cares"...

[anzaia]

"If it works for babies, it works for adults" is something my grandma used to say! Granted, she'd say it about a kind of juice she drank and served us, but it makes sense that it applies to many more things!

[graysonofthewood]

As a recently diagnosed ADHD (potentially AuDHD, assessment pending...) dad of 3, this video SPEAKS TO ME.

A year and a half ago, I had to admit myself to a detox center for alcoholism and ended up in a Partial Hospitalization program in another part of the state, hours away from my family. The stress of work and parenthood was too much, and a couple of unfortunate stressful events threw me over the edge. I thought that I could just PUSH THROUGH like I had always done, and that taking care of myself was always secondary to taking care of everyone else. But because I did not take care of myself, I missed out on two months of my kids' lives. My daughter learning to swim. My son's first week of school...

Please, if you feel like you are struggling, DO NOT wait for validation. If you need Partial Hospitalization and it is available to you, DO IT. If you need a cleaning service to help around your house, DO IT. Do not listen to the voice that says "yeah well normal people don't need that..." or "that's only for rich people/extremely disabled people." No. This is not about what is the "norm". This is about what YOU need to support you. You have to take care of yourself, not just for your sake, but for the sake of your loved ones.
Plus, you deserve it.

[willtharp]

Two things I'd like to say about this video: 1) When a person needs alone time to recharge, ANY interruption blows the time up until the point where they were interrupted, and for several minutes afterward. One of the joys of neurodiversity is part of us is waiting for that next interruption, and maybe even formulating how to respond to it. Figure out how much time is optimal for him/the two of you can allow for him to be unengaged and seriously don't interrupt him -- try not to even walk by his door. 2) He realizes he has won the lottery in partners. How do I know? Because he does not get irrationally upset when his cool down time is interrupted by you.

[koston_varjo]

About the works for baby, works for me: a comedian once said "You don't grow up, you're just a large child holding a beer." and I think that applies here too....