Consent - Its not as simple as tea!

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[eg_manifest]

a couple of the additions made written in tea form
"just because they're dressed for a tea party, it doesn't mean they want to drink tea"
"tea isn't good for children, and sometimes don't know what's best for them, so don't give them tea"
"sometimes people drink half a cup of tea and decide they don't want the rest, so don't make them finish the cup"
"people should know what you're putting in the tea, and you shouldn't add milk if they said they didn't want milk"
"people's taste in tea changes, you should check what their order is before serving what they asked for last time"

[missblake]

I like the tea video as an introduction especially for young people but this is more nuanced, well done.

[redfonzie]

I just saw this video in a therapy group this week. Excellent points to bring up which while missing from the "tea" video were also discussed in the group. Also, something to remember is that the statutory age of consent is not static from place to place. Some may have it set for 16, while others may be set at 18, and some may have different standards if both parties are under a certain age but within reason of each other's age.

Still another consideration is that if both parties are "FRIES" you need to think of what the "Package" is. Ie, what environment are they in? School? Employment? Church? Sports team? If any person is in a position of authority over another person with whom they are having a otherwise FRIES relationship with, there are still ethical boundaries that could cause the relationship to be non-consentual for the subordinate even if they would be outside of the "box" their FRIES came in.

But that was discussed in the group as well.

Thank you for putting this together, very well done.

[the_real_tabby]

I don't think i was ever explained consent but i always understood it. I thought it was common sense and find it crazy some need a video to understand.

[schizostroller]

I have a lot of respect for this video, I am glad it exists.

I made a similar video once for Brighton Council Child Protection Services as a personal narrative of a parent of a disabled child with mental health issues to teach staff a personal story to give an example of when services can go wrong.

I happen to also studied for a PhD researching trauma, and the phenomenological experiences that can go with it.

But I needed this video, as years later I was then on the receiving end of a psychologically manipulative hate crime, and two years down the road my body still (for example) bucks out when i meditate and other trauma I still carry in my body.

I needed this video today because I already knew the rules and needed reminding on a bad day that they still exist. This video is very good at explaining simply what I can guarantee is spot on.

Much respect to the confidence of the woman who presents this.

[numberbirb]

British: Consent is like tea
Americans: no it's like fries!

[A-crying-mess-]

3:27 I know this video is about a serious topic, but I need to get this joke out.

"Hey, I said I *didn't* want milk in my tea."

[Charlotte]

To anyone thinking asking for consent isn't "sexy" or "hot". I have hot sex with my partner and we ask for consent for every specific thing we do in bed. Not once has asking for consent taken us out of the mood. Being asked for my consent and asking for consent makes me feel respected, loved and safe and that actually makes us feel a lot more relaxed, comfortable and safe around each other. So you can imagine that it makes the sex a thousand times better when you feel completely safe and relaxed.

[fcredicott]

This is excellent, I'll be sharing this with my students. Thanks for taking the time to make this.

[Wesizzunity]

Anything that isn’t a yes, is a no. “Um… I’m not sure.” “Uh… well…” “I mean… maybe?” “I don’t know…” Are all no’s.

Also if they SAY yes, but their body language says NO, guess what! It’s a no.

I love this video because it gets into detail.

[trevorcoultart]

Is consent enough? 

I mean, the tea video is good and covers important stuff, but what I think a lot of the discussion about consent misses, including this video, is that mere 'consent' just seems like too low a bar to be aiming for. To my ear, 'consent' is broad enough to include 'oh, go on then" and the like.

I think about when else we talk about consent, and medical procedures come to mind. "Yes, I give consent to undergo this procedure, but man I wish I didn't have to go through with it".

I feel like when teaching about consent we should be telling people consent is just a step along the path - what you should really be looking for is *enthusiasm*.

[Luxembourgish]

"Emotional, or psychological pressure, and abuse" is not legally factual. The only "coercion" the law recognizes is threats or blackmail. You are fully responsible for your "yes". Otherwise a pushy car salesman would be charged with robbery when you agree to buy the car. Or a beggar on the street telling a sob story would be charged with robbery for guilt tripping for money.

As people can withdraw consent at anytime, it also follows that people can reinstate consent at anytime with a "yes".

[cryptojihadi]

I fully agree on all points. Now say it again, but specifically to women. Tell THEM that NO means NO, as in IF you tell a guy NO, but didn't REALLY mean it, you don't get to go around and tell your friends or worse, go online and tell people you think he's gay because he didn't even TRY to put the moves on you AFTER you said you absolutely WEREN'T going to sleep with him.

Yes, there are literally plenty of videos online of these dpshit chicks bitching about a guy they told no, actually complying with her request. Even more videos of a girl breaking up with a guy only to be pissed off that he didn't TRY to fight for her or convince (aka Coerce) her into staying.

So let them ALL know, we are going to listen to what they ACTUALLY say, not what they INTENDED us to reinterpret their words to mean.

They are adults, they should know what they are actually thinking and feeling and be able to express those thoughts and feelings in words that actually coincide with those thoughts and feelings.

Full disclosure, I have ZERO confidence, this will actually happen.

[LoscoX]

Consent- it's not easy as Consent - it's not easy as tea

You and the original video talked about the problems by the point of view of who has to decide but not who propose.

[beardiemom]

So, one note on the topic of drugs and alcohol: To me, the waters get really muddy when both participants are so intoxicated that they do not have the capacity to consent, but both of them appear to want it during the act. Would one person be justified in accusing the other of assault in that situation?
I am deliberately not specifying genders, because not all intercourse happens between people on opposite, binary sides of the gender spectrum and you do not need to be male to be a perpetrator, nor do you need to be female to be a victim.

It's just a very specific hypothetical that my neurodivergent brain is curious about.

[NineInchTyrone]

If you tease then say no expect a rapid dissipation of energy

[Chandrasiri-ik]

So if a man said yes, that may not be consent either. He can claim we was coerced. This a legal non sequitur argument for either sex.

[VoroVene]

People don´t always know exactly what they wan´t and communication is not always verbal - I agree it is not so simple question after all and situations can also be vague in real life and have to just live with that. If you think in others point of weiv and get closer to your partners things are much less risky.

[weeweegie]

Excellent follow-up to the tea video! And thanks youtube for suggesting it! Well done SUSU!

[kylethompson]

It sounds good, but this isn't real life. It seems rare that there is a conversation when you get home that goes 'so do you want to have sex now' and then they say 'why, yes I do, shall I sign here.'. Communication is not just verbal, and often neither party would want it to be.