The Effect of Denial: DID and OSDD

In this video we discuss the effect of denial on people with DID and OSDD, ways to cope when denial happens, and how normal denial is with dissociative disorders. Enjoy!

[IdahoDali]

"It's pretty hard to deny they exist when they talk back." That hit home.

[amsys]

you got me with the "amnesia of amnesia" and "talk to your systemmates, cause it's pretty hard to fake when they talk back!"/pos

[boundsys]

My issue is that even when others talk back internally when I'm in denial I'm just like "they're "my" voices it doesn't count".

[goblinguy]

This video is pretty old but it’s still so relevant. We’ve known we’re a system for coming up on four-ish years and still struggle. Denial is so huge. We still have moments where we go all “oh god are WE faking? There’s no way OUR trauma was that bad. Must just be my imagination. God what have WE done?” Which gets immediately disproven by another headmate going all “hey dude. What.”

Also, thank you for talking about conditions that can cause people to unintentionally “faking” systemhood. Those people STILL NEED HELP! Even if they are purposely faking it for attention, they need some attention!

[zeefeer]

Thank you. This was reassuring. I was worried I am faking because of how many alters decided to introduce themselves to me after I have realised that we may have OSDD or DID. We've been told our whole life that we simply have an overactive imagination, so that is what we stick to... Now even thinking about it, it's so difficult to accept our situation. Nobody in our head talks back to me, but they shower me in emotions and images, as well as desires and passive influence (which was one of the things that made me so unsure, since everyone on youtube seems to have perfect communication and i knowwww it's not gonna be perfect right off the bat) It's also hard to accept that we need to talk to each other like to people outside to know one another haha. I think Adrien is communicating to me by drawing my attention to this one song the lyrics of which make me think of our relationship.
Also, your host and our host's names are so similar! Made it even more relaxing and comforting to watch:) thank you again
- Kir (and Adrien, possibly. Maybe more people. we are very unsure lol)

p.s. sorry for the super long comment. we are taking a lot of notes so that we can discuss this with our therapist this week.

[remusrios]

Thank you all so much for this, denial has been affecting our mood severely recently. Despite the fact that every time I start to think we’re faking, Fieren (my protector) basically goes “Seriously? We’re right here”, I still can’t help but deny it. The fact that we don’t have outside support or a diagnosis makes it worse. So thank you, and we wish your system the best.
-Jordan (host)

[nighttempus]

I keep coming back to videos about DID cause it feels like I have it but at the same time I also think that maybe I’m just lying to myself that I do cause I just learned about it and I’m unconsciously Imitating it

[RoryViolet]

When ever I hear a voice that isn’t mine I generally panic, say “nope” and push it to the side as I don’t know how to deal with it. I wanna try to contact said voices buts it’s hard to talk to someone when they can’t except your existence and push you away. I’m trying my best to stop but it’s hard. I honestly don’t know if I’m part of a system or not. I think I am because of a bunch of experiences but the idea scares me. If I am then that means so many scary things to me but at the same time I can’t keep doing this if I am. I need to do better but it’s hard

[didwithme]

We hope you all enjoy this video. Please let us know what you think below.

[thisbeem]

This subject is so, so important and you address it quite well. Thank you for this.

[theonionsystem]

This made me tear up multiple times. I can't deal with trying to pretend to be who this person's body is, their voice, name everything it feels wrong I hate living someone else's life. I have been denying my switches and more but had this voice in my head who 2 voices talked in this persons head mine and I guess our protector Alex who talked to me and helped me and said how I can't change what he says and does no matter what, he's real I'm real and valid and that we have D.I.D and are a system and helps me feel better and I finally lost my way to try and act like I'm who I look like. It feels like the worst thing that I'm in this persons body it feels horrible and I guess I have to finally accept I have it. The words you said at times on here like with how the voices and other things make it so hard to believe it's the disorders that make you think you have it or that you're faking it and how if you think and sure you're faking it means you aren't. I possibly have a therapist soon after refusing help and other horrible moments I will or Alex will do what we can to tell them

[xyrophenics]

hi!! were a newly discovered sys... thank you for making this video! weve been hit by heavy denial due to...just discovering our trauma, and just accepting all of these signs. we have close sys friends and theyre like. "you sound exactly like me when we discovered were a system" which helps me a lot, yknow? (and finding out that we somehow introjected from a game we played a total of once? in 2018 /lh)

also! if anyone else here has issues speaking to your sys mates, i also have issues! i was able to talk to one of our symptom holders by speaking in a way im comfortable with since our brain is very blurry and staticy very constantly. if you allow yourself to speak in a way youre comfortable with (writing, sign language, a different language, repetitive thinking to try to get attention of the other members) i think itll help! most of us arent verbal so! just using sign language dragged someone into front last night (text receipts, i dont remember anything besides making popcorn and what our mind tries to piece together)

- ANP, xenos

[Seashəlls]

As a host, I'm always here. Whether that is co-councious or fronting, I never leave and that feels so invalidating. I feel like I'm acting weirdly in ways I don't control but I still feel like it's...me. And at the same time, sometimes when I "act weirdly", I feel like I'm disconnected from the body because I'm facing an invisible wall or a glass.
There are few switches in my system, and purposely triggering them (with /pos triggers) very rarely works. When they "talk to me", I just think those are internal voices or fake, because they don't sound like real voices, more kind of thoughts, but you know, it's got to be me.
I just really don't know what to think because I wish and don't wish I was a system. I truly feel like I created a bond with those people, and I would really feel sad to lose them. But being a system has so many disadvantages, it's preventing me from so many things in life, my decisions and my life are influenced, not being mine anymore, not being in my control and not belonging to me. Always needy of checking if it's fine with other alters through polls or else...
I feel fake, I feel like I don't have a D.D, it feels so wrong but from my partner's pov, my D.D is real. I don't know what to think and I'd really need at least another system's opinion on what I'm experiencing. It's myself but yet, im seeking the validation of those who know because I feel like I don't...We currently can't get professional help, still seeking...
But yet again, how do I bring D.I.D up, knowing that, if all of this is real, I myself went through splits and fusions? How can I be certain and yet deny it? It's so hard...

[grey]

If I could give you million likes I would do it ! You’re amazing you cover stuff that famous DID/OSDD channels don’t talk about, and you have the most simple language, I owe you a lot!! please don’t stop posting videos. I’m really looking forward to watch you grow and get the subscribers that you deserve because I know you will. Thankkk youuu so muchhh

[danreynolds]

Thank you for this video. It helped me/us to relax a bit. I've/we've dealt with a lot of abuse from both ignorant people and predators. Using "we" and "us" has greatly diminished and part of that is to raise a protective barrier so, that predators can't figure out what makes us tick. Some alters do say "I" while fronting and same with me. When danger is sensed and someone is trying to destroy my system, I throw myself further forward to take the brunt of the attack. I'm one of the weakest in the system but, when they have my back, I have theirs. We function like a band of warriors to protect one another, ourselves and those who can't fight. There has been a lot of recent external attacks and last night a dream about being falsely accused and physically assaulted by bullies. In the dream, current state tried to reason with the aggressors to no avail, the scene went dark and in the next seen, the ruffians where bruised and battered about the neck and face with current state uninjured. According to the dream's description while still dreaming, different protector alters came out and mopped the floor up with those guys who went to the hospital and then to jail. It was one of the best parts of a dream about good versus evil.

[berritandersen]

Thank you! I go on and off through periods of denial. Now it has become a "no big deal" thing.

[themirrorsystem]

This is amazing, thank you for this video. I've been in a lot of denial lately, but some things I just can't explain away

[Krisbabygirllife]

We want to say thank you so much!! We’ve been dealing with a lot of denial and been slipping quite a lot with other disorders that we had completely conquered for years and then quarantine and they all reared up again.. and we have had bad ts that flat out said our traumas weren’t bad enough even though we never got to the point of talking about said traumas.. so we’re trying to do our own therapy in a very odd way.. but its our only option for now

[vamvam]

This was a very helpful and reassuring video, Thankyou Kit. I’m going to send this to my brother to watch if that’s ok? He’s fairly recently diagnosed and is struggling with denial a lot currently. Thankyou for the information

[jasperdeirdre]

I'm still teetering between complete denial and knowing it's real, thank you for the video 🙏