Funny Confessions! #35

#shorts

[augusta]

The “I hate being a therapist” is gonna be iconic soon

[Sadiebeth]

The guy saying “I hate being a therapist” needs one

[peytons.perspective]

THE GRIDDY ONE K!LLED ME LOL, I MEAN IMAGINE BROOO 💀💀💀

[froginapot]

is no one gonna talk abt the dudes fingers in the first one 💀💀💀

[KamShort_]

When I was in sixth grade i didn’t know if girls grew armpit hair, because the movie home alone because Kevin’s older brother said French babes don’t shave there armpits, I remembered about that question I had so I just went and asked a girl in my class. And she just kinda looked at me, then the whole class found out.

[tryhardquesadila]

I'll never forget the time i went to dairy queen and they were out of ice cream💀

[tape]

i’m not even kidding, my teacher 5 years ago said that her grandpa was part of the freemasons (group that possibly became the illuminati) and i thought that was so cool for some reason😭

[I.l.o.v.e.m.y.p.e.t.s.]

Doofensmirfs was inventing a shrink-o-meter that would hopefully detect when Perry was coming. He was hoping it wouldn’t fail - like all his other projects. Perry, thankfully, was late, and had not yet:

Kicked down his expensive door
Destroyed his latest “-o-meter”
Physically (and sometimes mentally) hurt him

In fact, where was Perry? Where was anybody? He decided to look out his window.

Nothing.

So, of course, he did what any desperate villain would do: enter Perry’s lair. He’d never been into his lair before, so as he leaned against the tree (causing a hidden slide to appear, causing him to go down it), he had plenty to time to imagine what it would be like.

Maybe there would be gadgets and gizmos a plenty, maybe there would be his gadgets and gizmos…

As he neared the bottom of the slide, he heard cheers. He ducked behind a cart full of watches that stored fishing nets.

He listened as everyone made merriment. Not for long.

He JUMPED from behind the cart. “Haha, I’ve caught you now, Perry the Platypus!”

But… nobody reacted. So, he obviously threw the fishing nets over them. An old man called out, “Hey, at least this net isn’t Doofensmirfs!”

What in the world was going on? Doofensmirfs decided to look above all the people.. where he saw a TV. The news was on:

WELCOME TO GOOD MORNING ‘MURICA!
In today’s news, a dead body was found outside of a tall skyscraper. It appears to belong to a man called Doctor Doofensmirfs. Here are his last recorded words: “Curse you, Perry the (inaudible)” His daughter has a few words to say:
“I know I’ll miss my dad a lot, even though he was weird. I wish he’d never thought that making a home made parachute was a good idea… and now he’s dead.”

Suddenly he remembered. The parachute! He had taken it out for a spin, and then he remembered it falling, and saying, “Curse you, Perry the - “ and then cutting off because he had seen a doorway full of light.

He did a double take. Was he actually… dead? He couldn’t be - he was the villain!

As he looked across his shoulder, he saw, again, another doorway full of light.

Finally, he could live his childhood without anger or fright. Finally, he could have peace.

But little did he know, it was all an elaborate prank, set by Perry, for Doofensmirfs’ birthday. So as he tried to walk through the door, he only got a face full of cake.

THE END
(The parachute event was actually a controlled hallucination led by Perry the Platypus.)

[TheRealMBL]

That's not the griddy, that's the shiddy

[venomfan]

When I was a kid, I thought women got pregnant by kissing a guy.

[Randomperson-nekp]

The parents must of freaked out in the second story

[shelf]

When the therapist needs a therapist 💀

[ashlynseymour]

YO THE FIRST GUY LOOKS LIKE BLODDYFACE FROM AHS SEASON 2!

[markmickman]

That's how the illuminati wins! 😂

[jaymason]

fr the illuminati one. i had fkn nightmares about this shit 💀. my parents were so bc confused when i told them i couldn’t sleep because i was afraid of the illuminati

[FizzyNight]

If you slept with your whole class whos the father?😂

[boltshot]

In first meme look at his left hand wtf is that!

[ibrahimshaheed]

wuts up with the therapist's hand???