Accountability is KRYPTONITE for a severe avoidant

#avoidant #relationship #avoidantattachment #dating #relationshipcoach #situationship #attachment #dismissiveavoidant #fearfulavoidant #insecureattachment #accountability #emotionallyunavailable #breakup

[MD-gkun]

Like when you keep asking them "what's wrong?" Or "why are you pulling away?" They will gas light with business at work and work being hard, life being hard etc. And if you suggest they rest or stop volunteering for so much stuff at work and church they tell you it's their responsibility and that they enjoy it. And if you call out the logic that if they don't ever stop they will never be able to rest you get accused of telling them to be lazy and dependent on others clingy, and irrational.

When you ask "do you ever miss me then?" You will be told "academically" and when you ask "What the hello does that mean?" You get told, " I miss people in theory or in my mind."

Smh. Wow. That's a person who has never attached...so sad. Missing someone for them is like explaining hunger to a robot...they can only fathom what it is.

I was also abused and alone and abandoned often by caretakers...but I made a moral choice to never want to make anyone hurt like I do. After some fine-tuning (currently in progress) I'm learning how to use boundaries and not be afraid of hurt feelings from proper usage.

[tabarnakopoulos]

The moment you take responsibility of your actions is the moment you can start to change and heal

[shanicec.]

You've helped me to understand and heal so much. Thankful for you.

[CreFire]

all your comments are brilliantly insightful. Holding up a mirror to every.single. thing. I'm going thru at the end of my 2 yr relationship with a dismissive avoidant woman who I thought might be "the one". She AVOIDS all accountability, is always gaslighting, in complete denial.

[MsYooToob]

How do you think an avoidant would react if a billboard with their face on it was posted in their neighborhood where they live AND work detailing what they’ve done to people? Asking for a friend.

[deepamehta]

I have seen they can step up and say sorry and all the rest. And the next time they always change their ways and show they’ve improved.

But ultimately, if avoidance is part of their core identity, they will inevitably avoid — and actually since they have been accountable for smaller things, this lack of accountability doesn’t happen till it’s more of a serious matter or a time of crisis. It’s inevitable and sooner or later they fulfill their own self-fulfilling prophecy of disappointing you.

The person who thinks they are fine and have nothing to change will eventually lose. Or if we abandon ourselves to go “help” avoidants attach more healthily (unless they are our children), we lose.

Best to just work on ourselves and our own behaviors, and how we show up for the people we love. Even secure attachment can yield different behaviors and habits — some which can be rude or mean or lacking self-awareness in some way. Shedding the ego and showing up from our truest, highest essence is a lifelong game.

[MadiSon-]

Thank you for validating my reality. ❤

[satyajeetpatnaik]

I saw her being so cold and not even bothered about how she is behaving with me. As if M unknown to her. It broke me like anything. I am still not able to process what she did and said. Its better not to get attached with an avoidant.💔

[gerganamanolova]

But what is that thing that could make them accountable?

[ronmexico]

The best thing an Avoidant does after you marry them is withhold physical relations from you. They'll claim they don't have a s3x drive anymore (they used to but not anymore) so you only get to be intimate 2 to 3 times a year. You'll explain to them how important physical intimacy is to you and they won't care. Then after withholding for years on end you find out they were cheating on you. You can then congratulate them on finding that s3x drive they claimed to have lost.

DA's are awesome at the beginning of a relationship. Just don't marry a DA, it's painful.