The Problem of Disconnection: The Still Face Experiment

I have watched this video at least 100 times. Told my friends about it. Lectured about it. It changed my life, by showing me what is connection and disconnection. Perhaps it is why I am so fascinated by connection. When you see it, and really soak it in, think about all its implications, it changes everything!

[hnlJosh]

I came from tiktok lmao... but the part that messed me up the most was when the baby bit himself

[MusicaAngela]

This really should go viral! No one should be allowed to give birth or even get pregnant until they understand the vital importance of their connection with their baby and the influence that their emotions and responses have on their child.

[patrickhanson]

The baby very briefly did not trust her when she re-engaged then over celebrated, like borderlines do. Always thought still face was ignored it demonstrates all the early trauma from just absense or neglect, let alone direct abuse. All the same, some suggest worse.

[LouGiOh]

came from tiktok as well. i've watched this video so many times, things are starting to make sense to me in my own personal life. thank you for sharing this.

[Najapdf]

This is tripping me up, cause my father has purposely mastered keeping a straight face and not mirroring behavior my whole life. When I asked him why he said it was because he wanted me to grow up quickly and to show a good example for me as someone who was strong enough not to react to certain things and confident enough not to mirror others for things like sympathy. Which explains my extreme depression in a very sad way... when I was younger he would play with me at times but made a point himself that once I got older he stopped playing with me as much because he wanted me to focus on other things, I know hes not to blame for my depression but seeing this I now see the unintentional back lash his actions had...

[theScarletSprig]

Hi Dr. Puder, this is a fantastic video!! I wanted to point out one detail that I think wasn't mentioned while you were summarizing the still face experiment and what use we gain from it. These negative reactionary patterns exhibited by the infant are also reflected in the self-destructive behaviors of teenagers. I think these behaviors are often misunderstood, and reacted to incorrectly. For instance, when a teen cuts themselves while in the home and the mother walks in on them, it's a scenario where the mother is hurt and feels she has failed, and so distances herself.

Although the mother and father have at this point missed many opportunities to do so, the proper reaction here is to understand and engage with them in a similar way to when this mother stops her still face. Instead, I think, what is most often done is the parent puts a distance between them and their child. "Clearly I have hurt you, your care is better suited elsewhere, such as at an inpatient facility." As I write this, I suddenly realize this same dynamic was in effect when I was spending all my time outside of my bio-dad's house that summer they let me take refuge there, I rode my bike around constantly looking for friendship and attention and hoping dad would talk to me more while I was there, and when I ultimately got kicked out I felt like this infant child may have felt if the mother, instead of beginning to the mirror the baby once again, had instead just stood up and walked away.

[jasminemalakuti]

this is really insightful ... kind of shocking how heavily connected this is to daily life

[SusannaSaunders]

Well said! As a child who endured CEN, I hope people start to take real notice of this!

[patrickhanson]

Yeah it is quite odd this is not talked about more, quite revealing. I'm in treatment for borderline and struck me as a fundamental proof that this is what occurs in early life and we are not to blame where problems start, but in DBT am learning to connect. Thank you had quite the same reaction I even have brought it up to my therapists. A child of BPD alcoholic mom and grandma. Social animals we are, and dissociation will occur during trauma. Cool video thanks again!!

[polzr]

when i was 3 i think my parents played with me. i remember at 5 trying to play with my mom and she just ignored me, this happened for years and now i barely trust my mom or dad because growing up i only trusted my brother because he actually had a relationship with me:/.

[Jussaynoh]

This helps explain what went so wrong in my childhood. My father was still faced and non playful as far back as I can remember. When I showed him this video he didn’t even understand the point and made a comment about how much he doesn’t like parent-infant babytalk.

[Dd]

"Play" is really not the best way to describe this. Engagement is. Attachment occurs all the time - and truthfully, the most profound connection comes in our moments of difficult emotion. Who shows up and accepts/loves us even when we're "misbehaving"? Who sees past our difficult emotions to our pain, and holds that pain for us? Who is willing to sit with us without fixing? Attachment is all about the balance between autonomy and connection. The more connected we feel, the more autonomous we can be. The more autonomous we are, the more we value our connection. Secure attachment is about "following" a person's needs in a way that's connected, but does not intrude on their autonomy. It's also about repairing disconnection, because it's impossible/unnatural to be 100% attuned all the time. We all need autonomy. We all need connection. Who will support us, no matter what, in success and failure. Because knowing that I can succeed or fail, and still be loved, at my best and my worst - is what allows us to survive, and thrive.

[rosiemackenzie]

I remember seeing this baby and mother video a few years ago and feeling quiet distressed for the baby, as you can easily see it shows the immense effect of mother on baby. An interesting experiment to try is to smile lots at a baby and see how quickly it responds in a positive smileing way back. Some respond very quickly and some don't, which I find interesting. If the baby looks at you blankly or with distrust I think it tells you alot. It is truely amazing how babies and little people so very quickly pick up on cues . I think they are literally "psycholgical sponges" to what is around them.

[DrPennyPsy]

That video is profound impact for feeling. Thanks so much for sharing.

[GreaterrLove]

Old video yet ALL of your videos are so relevant. Another unpopular observation is the direct correlation in unhealthy attachments that develop in most of our childhoods/childrens lives bc of emotional disconnection that has followed us into adulthood. So many adults have maladapted to preserve themselves i.e. self harm, infidelity, sexual promiscuity, violence, selfishness, overly criticizing, etc but mask their pain/anxiety calling it self control, autonomy, exercising their rights, freedom, etc. like its something good but it is in fact hurtful since it is stemming from a place of unacknowledged/unidentified inner hurt/trauma. Extreme cognitive distortion to call something bad good and good bad. Our lives are of more value than many sparrows I pray every soul would turn away from relying on their ego bc its only a cover up it can not conquer anything pride goes before destruction and an arrogant spirit before a fall. Believe and you will be saved if you want to be saved. I cried watching this it resonates 100%. The cause of baby's discomfort/pain is my pain. Self reflection/self awareness saves those who want to be saved. Shalom.

[Stitchpuppy]

Thank you for this. I learned something new and very important, and a bit scary.

[blytheswideshut]

my husband is Autistic - I live this experiment daily. It is torture and I have become this baby.

[apove]

Amazing . Thank you for your knowledge and. Ideas. Found you on TikTok, now here.

[emmastevenson]

Oh Dr David lol ... you are my reason for existing in this field 🤣🤣.... thank you as always for the videos :)

[daughteroflight]

Excellent outstanding presentation.
That's how emotionally unavailable caregiver psychologically damage infant's brain!🥺😢
Thanks for sharing.💙💫✨