Aphex Twin - Rhubarb (Fully Looped) (6 hours)

I SCHLEEP.

[terrytyler]

A few years ago, my grandfather was moved to hospice care. I happened to show him this song a few weeks before he passed. It was the last thing he listened to before he died…such a beautiful track. Miss you pops.

[computingglasses]

We'll be dead one day and this will play on forever as we enter the new, unknown territories that stand before us.

[rt-uhmt]

It's like feeling elated while experiencing something really depressive.

[uptveig]

The depression naps hit different when you fall asleep to this

[rodrigor]

From strangers to friends
from friends to lovers
from lovers to strangers again

[danb]

It’s the feeling of being lost and alone, but also the feeling of free and finding solace.

[richgreen]

Escalator music taking you up to heaven.

[AllSven]

Makes me think of a girl I fell in love with long ago but she had no idea. Too late…all gone now….nothing remains but memory….and that also is fading.

[Green_Guy]

Thank you for this. This will finish exactly 5 mins before an exam starts. The calm before the storm.

[wepsar]

Lines in the sands
As the beach ages
Lines on two hands
As divine time races

Ocean rises up
As the earth shifts too

All Lines are forgotten

Lineage of me
Lineage of you

[NormalGeek]

i listen to this almost everyday and it really helped my insomnia :) thank you for this masterpiece

[bbcaptain]

Think this song will be 30 years old next year. Crazy. Found it when I was a kid waking up from an LSA (morning glory seed trip). It was such a beautiful morning I felt so at peace. Everything I play this somenit brings me back to that moment.

[saarj]

Love Richard's ambient tracks, as they help me calm down. I always play this song when I meditate, have trouble sleeping, or have a stressful day. Thank you for this.

[eelsnoot]

Lately this is what my brain has been sounding like. Low, numb, neutral. Stuck somewhere between depression and delusion, wanting to grasp every fleeting bit of joy that comes my way but yet eludes me. I feel like every day is the same anymore. My head aches, my stomach hurts, and my heart keeps breaking. I feel like I can't even love my partner the way he deserves. It feels like a lie. I keep telling him I'm fine after I spiral and send him a lengthy text wondering if I should leave him or just end it all. I don't even know what love is supposed to feel like. Everyone says "it's when this happens" or "when you feel this" and I just don't. I can't _feel._ How do I know when I'm feeling love if I can't process _what_ I'm feeling?
I tell everyone it's fine when it's not. I keep smiling through the agony of living through the same cycle every day. Wake, eat, work, eat, sleep. I get so tired of pretending that everything's fine, that I don't wish I was someone else every single day, that I don't just want all this suffering to be over with. It's nothing he's even doing, either- it's me, it's my broken fucking mind, I actually want a lobotomy. Or at least I want to scoop out the part of my brain that feels pain and sadness. To just live in a blissful, ignorant, happy state of mind, always smiling, always numb and immune to anything but joy. I want to spend my days staring at sunsets and marinating in the happiness they give me. I want to feel that sickly sweet, giddy kind of innocent love, the kind a naïve child has for the world.
I just want everything to stop hurting.
I really wish I hadn't grown up. I feel like I grew up too fast and my childhood is gone and I can never get it back. But honestly, I've had a tainted view of the world ever since I was seven. I was ruined in a way that can never be undone and it kills me inside.
And now? I'm stuck. I have nowhere else to go but here; even if I wanted to leave I'd have no resources, no survivable income. I ran away from an abusive home into the arms of someone who understands my pain, only to become trapped again. He provides everything, and I should be thankful but instead I fear. I live in constant fear, always worried that one day he'll reveal that I should never have trusted him, and I won't be able to leave. Worried that he'll do to me what everyone has always done. Take advantage of me. He hasn't yet and doesn't even show signs of remotely desiring such a course of action. But I can't undo that seedling of anxiety that's been rooted in me since childhood. A horrible, evil man abused me and forever ruined my perception of love. I fear every day that it'll turn out to be a lie, an elaborate scheme to ruin me further. This fear constantly gets between us. I start looking for reasons to find him undesirable, without even realising I'm doing it. It's like a defense mechanism. I look for reasons to leave him so I don't feel bad for doing it, so it feels justified if I do leave him. I don't consciously _want_ to go. But my mind traps me in this endless fear of being abused again, this constant wondering if I'll ever really be "okay" again.

Are we _ever_ truly free?

[PlutoniumSlums]

if you reading this, goodnight... morning or evening.

[lamcballet]

There's something so sad yet So sweet about this music 🥲

[ProbablyaFox]

X.x i put it on before bed and fell asleep with my phone stopping at 3:35:06, slept like a rock ^w^

[amniSomniac]

i sleep with this video every night. i love it. its perfect. its easier for me to fall asleep whenever i listen to this song at night.. i love it, mwah to this song and this video for being so important to me

[jeffrey]

Staring at the ceiling for the last hour, this is my last hope to help me sleep

[Delaxin]

this and stone in focus have gotten me through long study hours, anxious sleeplessness, bouts of depression, and many long drives. perfect for calming the mind, and beautiful