XANA - 19 (Official Music Video)

if the wishes on my candles came true, it would have been you.

A special thank you to Lorne Lapham Sales and Rentals for the gear that brought this vision to life.

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I don’t know when it started
I think that one day I just woke up
In love with you

God damn
She’s got herself a girlfriend now
Well I guess she finally came out
Wish I coulda waited around
Maybe it coulda been me

Its all good
Im always wanting more than I should
And I bet you’d really love me if you could
Cause if the wishes on my candles came true
it woulda been you

We were 19
The world was hard to please
And my daddy didn’t understand
That I just couldn’t love a man
The way I love you
It’s all that I do

But It would be nice
If you would walk me home
Leave your coat and your keys in the corridor
Would you kiss me a little more?

It would be fun
If you and me coulda won
Walked off together into the sun
Where you would call me the one

It woulda been sweet
If you had married me
But its all good baby
We were only 19

Just promise me one thing
Don’t go getting married
Cause I’m going to cross oceans for you one day

God damn
I’m stuck on this once again
And I don’t know if we can be friends
One look at you and i’m a mess

Well I dug out your letters
They still make me weak
And I know it’s been years
But it killed me to leave
And I know it killed you too
Mid summer afternoon
On redwood avenue
If I could hold you once again
I wouldn’t let you loose
I wouldn’t make you choose
I wouldn’t make you choose

I wish I was ready for you now

But It would be nice
If you would walk me home
Leave your coat and your keys in the corridor
Would you kiss me a little more?

It would be fun
If you and me coulda won
Walked off together into the sun
Where you would call me the one

It woulda been sweet
If you had married me
But its all good baby
We were only 19

We try not to think about it
We try not to think about it
We try not to think about it
I still think about it
Do you think about it? How

We grew up, we moved out
We fucked up, fucked around
Got a job, made some money
Blew it all, Its kinda funny
You don’t talk to your dad
I don't talk when I’m mad
We get scared, don’t admit it
I don’t care, you don’t feel it
Breaking hearts, just for fun
Cause we could, It's so dumb
Fall in love, too young
fall apart In my arms
And I know that it hurts
cause I'm feeling so far
My Darling, I promise
Ain’t this what you wanted?
What you wanted?

And It would be nice
If you would walk me home
Leave your coat and your keys in the corridor
Would you kiss me a little more? Oh

And It would be fun
If you and me coulda won
Walked off together into the sun
Where you would call me the one

And it would be sweet
If you would marry me
But it’s all good baby
Yeah It’s all good
It’s all good baby
Yeah it's all
It’s all

And I would’ve loved
Woulda’ve loved you forever
It’s never enough
But I wanted it to be
Every night
You were sleeping in my sweater
Its never enough
But you wanted it to be
I would’ve loved
Would’ve loved you forever
It’s never enough
But I wanted it to be
Every night
you were sleeping in my sweater
It’s never enough
But you wanted it to be
Mmm, mmm

I'm dragging on the ending of this letter because I’m afraid
Afraid that once I stop writing
That's it for our story
I hope that's not the case
A love like ours
Never really goes away

[hannahkelly]

“A love like ours, never really goes away.” So true.

[bailey]

This is, no joke, the best music video I’ve ever seen. The callbacks to your other music videos to make it come full circle, the never ending longing you’ll always have for this relationship, the just missing each other, the “in another life”, and the “if it happened this way instead”. Oh my god. This is what storytelling is. This is what true art is. I’m simply in awe. Thank you.

[britanypatricia]

The tears in my eyes have been hiding behind my heart for months. Thank you for letting them out with this.

[alixtaylor]

There are no words that describe how absolutely perfect your music is. I especially love the little throwbacks to your previous videos in here. Please don’t ever stop making music

[danzeljuliennedavid]

You two have chemistry since yellow and kitchen light 🥺

[brandedfate]

This song has such an emotional weight to it that I can't imagine anyone not being able to relate in some way. I'm left sorrowful and yet joyous within the knowledge that the hurt it invokes for me is in the past where it belongs.

[friendly_userr]

Didn't even realize that 6 minutes went by...but at the same time it felt like a movie.

[sangzhi]

I'm turning 28 this year but I wish I had had a song like this when I was 19, very deep in the closet, denying my own identity because of all the religious bullcrap that had been ingrained into my brain since I was a toddler. I wish I had had this kind of comfort, of hope back then. It would've spared me a lot of tears over the years to get to the point where I am now - out and proud, shamelessly living my life. Thank you for bringing solace to the young ones growing up and figuring themselves out now, and bless you and your talent for it to resonate so much with the rest of us as well. 💙✨

[danicooper]

WHY CAN'T I HAVE THIS. thank you, Xana, for the representation we needed. Your music makes me feel like maybe I could have what you sing about. You're my favorite artist and your absolutely perfect, thank you.

[thatsupergayshit]

i love that Xana features the same girl in her mv's and now i think im also inlove w her and she broke my heart as well

[shellycradle]

I’m crying right now. I just discovered this song today and I can’t stop listening. As someone who got into her first queer relationship at 19 that ended in an engagement that fell through, every lyric feels like it was ripped straight from my heart. This is talent and celebration of what queer love is and it’s one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever heard.

[Kitty-Marks]

I absolutely love Xana. Her songs have helped me regain my independence and stop being a door mat. Thank you for being part of our lives Xana.

[AnishaIbbott]

the fact that this music video broke me and yet i can listen to the rest of the album for a bit of a boost, now that's what you call an incredible artist. Xana, keep following your dreams, you're making it ❤

[sofaraway_]

I'm in love with the whole album but this song specially hits me different.
Thank you, Xana! 💘

[GDore-mbzq]

I went through this when I was 19. Now in mid-20s and you captured the weird mixture of joy, pain, and love perfectly.

[livilyth]

And now... Replay. Just replay.
God, this is incredible, the aesthetic, the rhythm, all the references... I'm melting 💚

[EmoVsInvasives]

Xana is such an underrated artist, all of her songs are so heartfelt and BEUTIFUL and she has such an amazing voice. I hope she goes on tour :0

[hontoai]

Me contemplating whenever or not to show this to my bf
Edit: he loved it too

[sofisanlebeau]

I also can't not comment how perfectly flows the "tipsy" shot at 4:19 with the "moore" scream in the song. Hitting right in my feels with the editing... 👏🏻

[Clara-zgqk]

i've been rewatching the video since it came out and it's amazing how it makes me cry every single time and how i seem to notice new little things oneach rewatch.
it's always amazing to witness the magic you both (and the whole team) create.