The Reason Youth Leave the Church

I remember, at certain intervals of my youth, that the thing my peers and I were all interested in would suddenly become obsolete and in such dramatic fashion that if you didn’t quickly catch up and denounce that silly thing for younger kids too, you’d also become the object of that contempt.

It could be a toy we all liked, or a movie, or a style of music, but once the early adopters of the herd had decided that we were too old for that kind of thing, you didn’t have much time to jump on the bandwagon before you were left behind.

Like my oldest daughters, for as long as they’ve been aware of it, have been in love with the movie Frozen. The number of Frozen emblazoned items in our household would make you think that we were preparing for a post apocalyptic world in which Frozen memorabilia is the only acceptable currency of trade.

Then, suddenly, about a week ago, my oldest daughter announces to me that she and her cousin have decided that they no longer like Frozen. And this, clearly, has nothing to do with whether or not they actually like it, but instead some adolescent revelation about being too old for Frozen. And so, over night, she’s become someone who wouldn’t be caught dead watching that movie. And now I’m using the Frozen branded electric toothbrush so that it doesn’t go to waste.

And, I think something like this happens with the faith that so many people inherit as children but don’t hold onto as they transition into young adulthood. This is the point my friend Hudson made in a conversation about it recently.

When we’re little we’re taught a version of Christianity that is fit for bedtime stories. Something simple, easy to understand, often heretical, but comforting. We paint a portrait of God and Jesus that has more in common with Santa Clause or the Easter Bunny than the incarnation of truth, goodness, and beauty.

And when I listen to pop atheist thinkers make comparisons of God to flying spaghetti monsters or claims that we worship an old man in the clouds, I’m reminded that they’re not really confronting or wrestling with the God of Thomas Aquinas or CS Lewis. Their denouncing a straw man Sunday school portrait of God.

And this is the risk we run when we blur the lines between Disney, the tooth fairy, and Jesus. When our kids are learning about their Christian heritage in a style that trivializes it by reducing it to that same level of sophistication.

When we make Christianity childish for the sake of children, we run the risk that they will reject it as a childish thing as they get older in the same way that they discard all those other things that they think themselves too mature for.

When I was a kid I had an illustrated children’s bible, but it had something that most of the stuff I’ve seen on my kid’s book shelf didn’t. It had an illustration of the crucifixion that didn’t shy away from including blood. I remember as a kid just staring at that page and wondering what it meant.

I remember thinking, this is different. This isn’t the same as the Easter bunny. This is mature, this is chilling. This is important. It’s not silly or trivial and I will never outgrow whatever this means.
St. Paul said, “We preach Christ crucified.” And I think it’s important that something of that quality is preserved in the way we hand on the faith to our children. We should never water down the parts that are troubling. They can handle it and it is, after all, an essential part of the gospel.

The other thing we have to do as a Church and as parents is ensure that when they are ready, they will encounter a mature presentation of our faith. They need to discover the faith of Lewis and Chesterton; of Paschal and Aquinas; of William of Ockham and Augustine.

And if you feel inadequate in transmitting that caliber of understanding, then I’d say it’s time to grow up in your own faith. You can’t ride the crest of Sunday school formation your entire life. At some point, you need to go deeper yourself.

When kids grow into adulthood, they’re going to discover opposition to their faith, and that’s probably a good thing. But if that is the first time they encounter a sophisticated treatment of the topic and it’s exclusively in favor of an atheistic conclusion, then their juvenile faith isn’t going to survive. They need to have inherited something with some meat on it and it’s up to us to make sure that happens.

[RandolphCrane]

During my Confirmation classes: (my pastor) "Today you will all go to Confession. I know it's annoying, but it's expected that you do it before you receive the sacrament. If you don't want to, just tell us a story from your life, or we might even have a nice little chat. So that it looks like we are busy. *chuckles* And you can also go to Father Ian, he doesn't speak our language, and he probably won't understand what you are saying anyways. Just get it over with, and then you are all done and ready."

Need I say anything more?

[ElGentilhombre]

You, the christian highlander! You are the best

[Herghun]

I remember one day my mother sayed to me "the closer you get to God the more the devil wants to get you" I remember I hadn't really understood at that time but I knew that she was introducing me to something important.

[zzing]

As an atheist, I really appreciate this perspective. My worldview is based in large part of what I find in reality and science. None of this is in a child's version of reality, the world is harsh and simplistic explanations are almost always discarded unless they are needed to woo the masses for PR.

I have been to a couple Latin Masses to see it (only ever as an observer!), but I have also seen the more common mass. The difference in seriousness of easily visible. The more traditional is much more convincing* than any Protestant and common language mass for the same reason I think.

* Convincing in that it was more than just going through the motions.

Your videos are always interesting, I do appreciate the care that is put into their production.

[thatcatholicgirl]

I know what this is like. I grew up with children’s illustrated Bibles, and they DID help me in my faith, but I never understood one thing: how Jesus dying took away our sins. I never fully understood that until I was about 13 or 14 years old, and I did ask, but I always found others’s explanations to be not complete, childish, and confusing, like I was still that 6 year old. The only one who helped me understand that was my mother, who practically taught me everything I know about the faith anyway along with my uncle. I do get it, and it’s REALLY frustrating.

[CatholicK]

That's very true. Also, parents themselves need to show their kids that they take the faith seriously.

[levisando]

As a recent convert to the Catholic Church, I’m excited for my kids to experience the gross majority of their faith formation from the Catholic perspective. Of course, I’m not expecting it to be easier for me, and I’m totally aware that youth fall away from the Catholic Church too, but I think the Catholic liturgies (and others of the more traditional forms of Christianity) tend do a much better job of showing the profundity of the Passion and the enormity of the sacrifice made.

[poorbanishedchildrenofEve]

Great insight!
I remember as a child having some really deep thoughts, and the adults around me were unable to answer them to my satisfaction. Lol.

I truly believe as our education system has left the normal progression of learning we see in the classical approach, children learn how to be bulimic students, binge And then purge on tests with no absorption of the facts or the application in life.
When these facts are given at a young age...and an environment set up to where they can really enjoy this food and allow it to sustain their hearts and minds, they are able to behold the mystery and experience them.

[patrickhepburn]

Very interesting view of early relion classes. When I look back you are right. Now as a senior I appreciate my religion more than ever. Thank you

[fraychero]

I agree with you. I have a video about this argument on my channel in Spanish. God bless you!

[cadeshuford]

I first rejected Christianity to some degree at age sixteen, fortunately by age seventeen I was reading the Bible daily, and praying.

[EifelParis]

Will pass this for my children to watch so that my grandchildren will keep the faith throughout their lives

[EndTimesHarvest]

You bring up a point which I see happen all too often: when skeptics and atheists criticize Christianity, they are not criticizing true Christian theology as taught in the Bible, but instead they are criticizing the cartoon caricature version of Christianity which they have absorbed while growing up and which they think is the real thing.

[monus]

That, and when they grow up they'll feel they were lied to, especially once they find out about the parts of the faith that are harder to sugarcoat.

[AM-osty]

Brian - thank you. Really excellent video. You summed up one of the reasons why I left. I even bringing up in my first Confession back.

[RandolphCrane]

One thing I absolutely loathe are "Children Masses", which are Holy Masses with texts especially "suited" for children. The Canon is reduced to "God is nice, and he likes all of you". And all of this because we can't confront children with truth. We must dumb down everything. In reality, children from the very beginning of the Church, have always been confronted with things like Jesus' gruesome death on the Cross for our redemption's sake, the transsubstantiation of bread and wine into Body and Blood of our Lord, the causes and effects of sin etc.
But because since the 68's everything regarding education has changed, children are now seen as little imbeciles.
Of course, those "Children Masses" are not solely offered for children. When an adult attends, he must think: "Oh, they speak of the nice Sky Fairy again, how lovely."

[RuthLeMaster]

I have to say Brian, that your challenge to us parents to expose our kids to tough faith issues during the process of us raising them is spot on. I think your diagnosis of why kids jettison their faith during their teenage years aligns with common sense. Teenagers and post-high schoolers are in that exploratory phase, trying to find out for themselves what reality is all about, independent of mom and dad. If mom and dad have taught them fairy tales, and have not walked with them discovering the distinction between such fairy tales and biblical claims, then why wouldn't a teenager lump the miraculous bible stories in with fanciful children's stories? This is what I see happening in a young college student I know who is "deconstructing" his faith. We parents need to follow your advice, and at a younger age than we commonly think our kids can handle. They won't develop resilient, well-grounded faith if we don't train them ahead of time about the real battles and challenges they are going to face. The next question, like you said is, "How about us parents? Are we solid in knowing and giving reasons for the biblical worldview?" If not, we need to step it up and invest the time and effort.

[DavidMeinzen]

This is excellent, Brian! Thank you, and God bless you to continue helping others with such refreshingly down to earth maturational reflection! St. Irenaeus of Lyon wrote only a little over 100 years after Christ's Ascension, "...we believe in what is really real, just as it is; and believing what really is as it is, [we shall] keep a firm hold on our assent to it forever."

[keenanmeril]

So many times, I figure out something to be true- yet I am unable to articulate it until months later when I hear somebody put it into perfect perspective. This is one of those occasions

[froglv.]

I remember being a kid and seeing a part of The Passion of the Christ on tv. Needless to say for my little kid mind is was quite dark (and still is), but nonetheless something about Christ's suffering was so vivid to me that at a subconscious level i could never get those images out of my head. They captured me with awe