Telling Children They’re Autistic: Should we do it? (with Autistic Psychologist Sandhya Menon)

Sandha is one of the speakers at this year’s Autism From The Inside Online Summit

Research shows that positive autistic identity is a protective factor for wellbeing and mental health. But when should you tell your child they’re autistic?

Some of you might have seen my previous events that I’ve run in recent years, and this year is going to be the biggest yet. It’s going to be a free 5-day online event with over 30 Neurodivergent expert speakers from all over the world. They are going to share their personal lived experience of overcoming barriers to inclusion, how they found success, etc.

The summit starts on the 19th of September, 2022. Share this with your community, and I hope to see you there.

SUMMIT STARTS: 19th of September, 2022.

Please share this with your community, and I hope to see you there!

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I'm Paul Micallef, and I discovered my own autism at age 30.

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#autism #asd #autismawareness

[cassandrawest]

My parents were told when I was a kid. I was told to leave the drs office and always told to act "normal" I grew up thinking I am bad. They told me I would use autism as an "excuse"

[theinvisiableman]

Getting diagnosed as having Asperger's at 15-16 or so changed my life. It answered so many questions, explained everything I had been through and actually helped me compartmentalise my autism and repress it into a tiny area of my mind were I could fight it daily, time after time and endlessly to regain control over my own body and thoughts when for years I was totally withdrawn due to school, developed split personality and shields...barriers and alternative personalities to protect myself.... constantly thinking about death and sometimes nearly going ahead or succeeding with suicide due to desperation. Without knowing what it is or it's shape and colour, I would have continued to suffer and be a slave to it.... forever having intense stomach cramps and anxiety attacks and not knowing why or how to fight it as whenever I challenged myself or pushed myself I would get a intense pain that put me on the ground and then have diarrhea...every morning, 360 days, right up into my 20's due to stress of repressing it and would find myself totally drained and exhausted after a single I honestly believe I would have ended myself like all my friends who I met over the years who was also diagnosed and just be another statistic.

Knowing was everything- and unlike all the others I grew up with I am well into my 30's now and whenever I even so much as think about having enough, I just look at my wife or think of those I've lost along the way and remember that I am not just living for myself anymore. I am living for them and I remember what I have been through and why no matter what, I must survive...but also that I must survive on my terms, my way.

again, for me "knowing" but more importantly "Being able to see my autism" and were it was and what it was holding onto/what thoughts it controled and were it was painfull to fight =d were for myself to target it and regain control over my own mind" ...it took years, well into my late 20's to finaly re-assume total control and then embrace my aspergers rather than it be the down the shields and barriers and become whole again (but ever watchfull and aware) and the thought that someone would not tell another it when they can see them genuinely visibly confused as to why their life keeps going a direction, why people treat them differently, why people say they are weird and retarded and bully them or attack them physicly for what they say because it's unfiltered? ....yeah, this should never be held over the kids head and the second the child asks "Why do people treat me like this" or "why am I like the way I am" - thats it.

Asperger's is a tool once you master control of it, a laser focus of unstoppable, immovable force of determination, efficiency and diligence. It's getting deny a kid that starting point is just raw evil to me when the child clearly expresses a desire to know why they are different from others. You never stop improving yourself and breaking down- re-building but this is were it all begins.

[ashleyhoffmeier]

Yes we 100% should tell them (In a gentle way) !! When I was diagnosed at 13 it took a while to process, but in the end it answered so many questioned and helped me fit together one more piece of who I am and helped me understand and accept myself a little better. It has also helped others understand me and led to me being able to get help when I needed it.

[relentlessrhythm]

Growing up unknowingly autistic was hard even though I had low support needs. I wish I knew I didn't have to mask the way I did.

[TheCaffeineKid]

I wish I had knows as a child and had support as a child rather than spending my whole life thinking I was just wrong and broken and bad. I was diagnosed only a few years ago, but the decades of damage are very hard to undo and get past now I'm in my 50s.

[MartKart]

I've noticed people don't seem to change if they know a person has a disability from experience .

[wildandcrazygal]

My parents denied my diagnosis. They wouldn't accept it. So I found out as an adult when I got my own doctor and it came up during an appointment. So many things finally made sense. I could finally stop wondering why I wasn't "normal". I was perfectly normal. I just wasn't neurotypical. It was a mistake then. It would be even more so today when there's so much understanding and support. Kids are far more adaptable than they're given credit for. And when both neurotypical and non neurotypical kids are educated on the differences in behaviour. Well it means non neurotypical kids don't have to grow up alone and friendless like so many of my generation did because we weren't understood. Knowledge is power. Children should be told.

[cornishmaid]

The revolution has begun. With autism being hereditary then it makes sense to arm ourselves and our children with the tools of knowledge and understanding so that all future generations within the family will have the very best opportunity to excel. I know that that’s the journey I’m about to embark on.

[emmettobrian]

We knew from 3 years old that my son is autistic. We did our best to prepare him for what school and social interactions were going to be like. He has done very well with the tools we managed to give him. He's an adult now and is doing well. I know that without knowing what to do, I had a much rougher time, so I say from my experience, telling them is useful and helpful.

[SSNUTHIN]

When I realized I was autistic as an adult I felt both elated and betrayed by the people that did not tell me. There are many kids I think who would be proactive if they are given a chance.

[KPaul]

Amen, if I knew before the age of 41 I think it would have been easier.

[TERFStomper]

As someone who was undiagnosed and undiscovered until his late forties, all I can say is. Holy shite! If I had known as a kid, my life would've gone in an entirely different (and likely better) trajectory. If only I had a time machine...

[RockerTopper-hhru]

From a purely academic standpoint, I find this question very interesting for reasons professional as well as personal. Albeit that in my field of study (that being economics, which has a whole sub-field about how changes in the information people are aware of affects their future behavior) the question would be more properly phrased as “how does informing a child they are autistic affect how they develop through the course of their lives?” Ancillary questions to this would probably be along the lines of “how does the age at which the person finds out they are on the spectrum affect these outcomes?, ” “is there an effect based on who tells them, be it a parent, a therapist, or themselves?” More broadly, it would be fascinating to see the life trajectories of older vs younger folks on the spectrum, seeing as the older folks were less likely to receive a formal diagnosis and thus would have perhaps been forced to adapt to the outside world more than those of us who came later; whether we did this successfully, and to what degree, are different matters entirely.

[hydrangeadragon]

I wish I had been diagnosed early in life, it could have spared me so much shame, hardship, trauma and bullying

[bakakafka]

Without even seeing this video: the answer is (depending on the age and maturity of the child) ABSOLUTELY! I got diagnosed at a very late age, and there isn't a single day that goes by without me thinking how much better and different my life would have been if I had been told, had I known what I know now. My parents didn't know, but my general practicing doctor must have but didn't want the bother (probably).

Any parent that doesn't tell his/her child and prepares it by teaching it about autism should have their child taken away from them because they are totally UNFIT to be a parent. That this video actually asks a question that should be self evident is weird. Not telling children once they're ready to understand is a crime.

[thegracklepeck]

If I had been diagnosed as a kid, I feel like it would have been really incredibly helpful to know. I wouldn't have felt like something was "wrong" with me. And the world would have made a lot more sense I think.

[Janiewildcruisincat]

'So early identification has very important preventative mental health outcomes'. What a truly great quote there ! Well done Sandhya Menon. Everybody needs to know their own identification, where their parents came from & other family and ancestors. I truly believe that if any or a lot of that information is missing from an individual's mind and from their life, that it will impact that individual's mental health in such a horrible negative way. To have autism as well, and missing the ability to socialise like the next person can, can make that self identification so hard to find. It is imperative for children on the autistic spectrum to be understood & supported by all of their family around them as soon as parents / guardians can see that there is something their in their child, before diagnosis even. Thanks to the likes of yourself Paul & Sandhya, more & more people will gain identification. Just a shame more people don't understand autism, but with autism advocates like yourselves, you will help to change the World's perspective of autism, for the better. Well done for everything you do..

[beccismith]

Suggestions when you see children or young people that you’re pretty sure are on the spectrum yet you are neither their parent or teacher, it’s not really your place to make the decision of whether they “find out“… ? You’re not in a place to have them “diagnosed“… I work with/accompany an Asperger‘s boy in class, and at least one if not three or four of the other kids in class (next week going into 10th grade) are probably on the spectrum, but not diagnosed.
Hi from Germany

[stephaniebrown]

Teach them to be capable and they can be functional in the world. Crystal Children are different, still, my mother just practiced a "re-direct" modality. It never occurred to me I was different.

[alexphipps]

My parents (well more specifically my dad) hid my diagnosis from me for 12 years. I spent that whole time believing something was fundamentally wrong with me for the fact that I was so socially inept among other ways I was so different from other kids. My parents would insist, despite knowing I was autistic, that I simply wasn't trying hard enough to make friends. I also hadn't even considered that I could be autistic because I didn't fit the narrow window of what I'd been taught that autism was. When my mom finally told me when I was 15, I got so many answers as to why my brain works this way and that I'm far from the only one dealing with these things.
The more I think about this whole thing, the more frustrated it makes me. I could've navigated my childhood so much more efficiently had my dad not decided to keep my autism a secret from me