He Said We’re Done If I Do It Again

He Said We’re Done If I Do It Again

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[supernova]

My husband has bipolar disorder and we do similar things. His idea. As soon as he gets paid, he sends me every dollar besides what he needs for gas etc. Sometimes things happen and he has no money so he gets me to transfer just enough for whatever he needs (he does keep his card). It’s just what works for us. I’m very proud of him for recognizing his own weaknesses in himself. I never would have suggested we do our finances this way but it definitely gives us both security and peace of mind. He might go into a mania a blow a paycheque, but he’ll never blow us into financial ruin because HE blocked that.

[cramperella]

This has been revelatory. A lightbulb went off . My procrastination and avoidance of taking proactive responsibility is related to having zero power as a child. I have been pushing back against what feels like authority my whole life. I feel like a self-imposed weight is starting to lift. This one really hit home for me. Thank you!

[CarnivoreStork]

Because her health problems are making her untrustworthy, husband needs to put her on an allowance and take all financial responsibilities from her.
Very sad.

[UTBanjo]

My wife did this twice, and I gave her the same edict. It was just over $50K the first time, and just under $30K the second. Both happening perimenopause. I thought it was absolutely insane. Household income is over $300K, and our only debt is/was the mortgage. I had to completely take over all finances for awhile, and the only access to money she had was a debit card on a separate account that didn't allow overdraft. Once she got regulated by an endocrinologist, her behavior totally returned to normal.

[CollectableCuddliesReviews]

Newly qualified therapist here and I am addicted to these videos

[GabrielMartinez-sdpc]

You know what would be great? If we stop making excuses and hold people responsible.

[lilbrother]

Run bro, RUN!
3 times before? She’s gonna do it again. Don’t give her the chance to pit you in the poor house. My ex had the same red flags and I stayed until I found out she didn’t pay our taxes. You can’t screw with the IRS and now im biting the bullet just to be done with her. I’ll just say it’s the price of a fully loaded 2024 Chevy Tahoe.

[katewoolf]

Brain tumors really affect impulses, judgement, etc. Need to get treatment ❤❤

[menar_al]

Speaking as a clinician myself, Dr John is right is considering her physical health disorder possibly affecting her decision making. Especially pituitary disorders can cause psychiatric imbalances which can affect decision making, depression, personality changes etc. I would advice the caller to speak with her Consultant Dr about this as she may actually need medication if not on any or other intervention.

[RaleighLink]

I totally understand her husband doesn’t want debt, but a tumor on her pituitary gland will cause involuntary behavioral changes/disorders. The responsible thing to do is for the husband to control all their money. She obviously feels bad and likely can’t help herself.

[Matt-mhus]

My wife did this to me twice. First time I shouldered some of it for being willfully ignorant. Second time I lost and and said we’re done if there is a third. She got the message and now I have a very savvy wife with money and there is never spending without consultation or notification. Communication was the fix, constant communication.

[alicefibers]

People need hobbies! Something keep you calm, something you can be pribe of and keep you busy!

[neisci]

I'd believe her if she had set an appointment with a psychiatrist instead of calling Dr. John. One time is a mistake, the second is a relapse the third is a pattern. She needs to stop feeling sorry herself and seek medical help, those empty promises to Dr.Delony won't get her anywhere.

[SMC]

All these people saying she’s not genuine or not taking accountability have obviously not dealt with this kind of dilemma. Her reaching out for help is a sign that she’s fed up. This is hard.

[mistywoods]

Great advice John 👍 I will be praying for this young lady, and her health. What she must be going through and with 2 brain tumors to endure.

[DRG]

Ouch. Finances for couples are hard. I see many that do things completely separate and others that just one person is responsible and guides everything. Gotta do what works for you, helps when you recognize the problem. She needs a cash allowance, no credit card.

[gemintherough]

I just divorced a man who financially abused me for years. IMO, continuing to deal with a spouse like this will destroy the faithful spouse. Her husband needs to save himself.
It should’ve never happened the first time, let alone the second and third.

[stephenwishburne]

It is very likely that the two tumors located near or in her limbic system and her diencephalon are the greatest contributor to her behavior. Since she wants to improve but hasn’t, this is a very strong sign supporting that she has less control over her behavior. The limbic system controls emotions and behavior and emotions related to our perception of danger. Patients with one small tumor can have changed behavior but this patient has two! I would start in her brain before any additional therapy.

[GooberhammBauers]

I was entangled with a liar who deceived me financially to take advantage, and I kicked her to the curb and out of the apartment and out of my life. Run from this mess.

[Zyrean]

Success is setting yourself up to avoid having to regulate yourself. In this case, an agreement to have the partner manage the money and cancel all credit cards in her name is the self-care thing to do.

She's in control, of those choices. Choose guardrails over willpower. Works so much