The Likability Dilemma for Women Leaders | Robin Hauser | TED

When women lead, bias often follows. Documentarian Robin Hauser dives into the dilemma between competence and likability faced by women in leadership roles, detangling the unconscious beliefs and gendered thinking that distort what it means to be a good leader.

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[tinyshepherdess]

Can totally relate to her description of the man at the ski resort calling her "tough" simply because she pointed out that women have checkbooks too and can buy timeshares. I have had that sort of reaction from countless men when I've pointed out the sexism behind their thinking or actions. In general, men don't like to be called out in this way. They like women who just laugh it off and let it go. But then no one learns anything!

[jasminjavia]

Remarkable speech and content. I feel rejuvenated and will continue to grow myself no matter what people think of me

[EnjoyingLife]

Unfortunately, as a woman of color, I can't push aside the likability part of being accepted as a leader. I was recently elected the head of a 500- member coalition of community organizations. One of the key characteristics that apparently won the votes for me was the widespread member assessment that I am a very likeable person. I make people feel at ease and respected when they're around me. My competence in the coalition's work areas, although important, was secondary in consideration. While I appreciate that I have this behavioral strength, I am now worried that if I show my passionate and demanding side of myself, people will rethink my leadership of the organization.

So, no. I can't push aside being a likeable woman. That's not advice I can accept if I want success. This is something all women of color face, not just me. What I can do is try to be myself without hurting people when I ask for their best work. I can let others feel comfortable being themselves around me and speak to them about their hurtful biases when they're revealed.

I also must not take the microsggressions and biases against me to heart. This has been hard to do because they make me feel like I'm being cut with a thousand knives. My mental and physical health stability are more important to me than anything else.. But I must also face that the world isn't going to change just because I don't want these scars. So, unfortunately, I have to keep my likeability at the forefront of all my actions. I have to accept the biases against me. And I have to accept that there'll be haters no matter what I do as a female leader so I might as well let them go on hating while living their unhappy lives.

I can have a positive impact on my piece of the world through the leadership roles I am blessed to be given. That's it.I have no other choice, but to handle things this way..😀

Thank you for the talk! It made me really think! Best wishes to all of you st TedTalk. 👏🏆

[docinparadise]

Additionally, female politicians are judged by their looks. A woman who aspires to a leadership role must be attractive but not attractive enough to be sexy. They must dress according to their gender, but not too feminine. She must wear heels, not comfortable shoes. They must be constantly aware of everything they say, the tone of voice they use, how and when they laugh…it’s no wonder there are so few women in politics, because even if they manage to find and maintain that perfect balance, the jealous men will always dismiss them as either “dumb girl” or a “nasty woman.”

[nimidi]

So many times in my work place, I hesitated to express my opinion because I am scared of being labeled as ‘unlikable’. So many times I shared my credit with others because I want to be considered ‘helpful’. When a woman achieves, they discredit them by saying ‘she must have a backing from the boss’ and when a man achieves, they say it is well deserved

[nancydickson]

*EVERY FAMILY HAS SOMEONE WHO BREAKS THE CHAIN OF POVERTY IN THAT FAMILY, I PRAY YOU BE THE ONE*

[lo]

Fully agree with Robin Hauser, while listening to her talk I could see my life as a career woman always working in mostly men teams, being the only woman at boards, being called arrogant when I express my ideas... it is hard and we women have to work harder than men for a piece of the cake, great talk Robin

[TanaAKAmom]

The timing of this? Impeccable. The message, the last words? Profound. It’s a struggle to be a strong woman in a man’s world ❤️

[mryogik]

if we do the same study on male vs female name for the work of Nursing, teacher or child care women will be seen favorable. when men behave in ways that dont fit the gender norms they are also seen unfavorably.

[jdepaul]

As someone who has had many bosses of different genders, gender wasn't the reason I hated them.

[artix]

The message with this Ted Talk left me speechless because it is so true. I agreed with a lot of the points that Robin Hauser made. Women are seen as kind, nurturing, supportive, and soft, but men are seen as assertive, decisive, competent and strong, and when women who have those masculine like qualities are perceived as unlikable and aggressive. It’s time to stop putting women in a box. It’s not fair- because in my opinion, it’s important to be dominant in the work force, man or woman, because it shows that you mean business and that foolishness is not allowed. Im not someone that abides by gender norms, I break them. I’m not surprised that male students didn’t want to work for or hire Heidi- I wonder if it has to do with their own insecurities or are they really projecting that she’s aggressive, when that isn’t the case at all. It’s not fair how women are only respected in negotiation when they are negotiating on the behalf of someone else. Women have every right to negotiate for themselves without being deemed selfish in society because society is unfair- and as women, they should be able to speak up and negotiate because society is sexist towards women.

[kaylasilverstein]

I think there’s a LOT of truth to “people care less about what you do and more about how you make them feel” thing. It’s true, I HAVE had a few female bosses who had (to me at least) that weird unlikeability that I couldn’t really place. But you know…if I compare what they did vs what the bosses I liked did, it seemed like the problem was that they went above and beyond in trying to be tough/assertive to the point where it made them unreasonable. One of them wanted me to clean out a cart corral with cockroaches in it with my hands and wouldn’t get me a trash grabber even when I confronted her about how I didn’t want to do it without one. Then I went to the other (male) boss and said the same thing and he was like “yeah of course!” and bought me a grabber immediately.

The other thing about them (the guy bosses) that everyone liked was that you could have a conversation with them about things besides work and even joke around. We had a whole conversation one day about which fast food place has the best Mexican food. Little things like that really add up no matter who the boss is

[MichaelBartleySocrates]

Gender differences are very real, it's difficult to NOT make generalizations about each one. I have coached teenagers, both girls and boys, I treated them the same and it was a disaster for the girls. It's a mistake to assume men and women are the same and to treat them the same all the time.

[elainelloyd]

Awesome! We all have a voice " Use It " Thank you ever so much for sharing! God bless you

[cinystarr]

I'll just say one thing, I'm equal opportunity as a woman, I do *not* like all women or respect them. That gets earned across the board and I think men feel the same way. Men have the same problems too. We aren't all going to like certain people for different reasons and it's not necessarily grounded in genderbias.

[littlemule]

Outstanding! So true, feel, experience this often.

[katebabyboy]

5:30 Thank God she said the bias are unconscious.

[inyouall]

*FRIENDLY REMINDER* | Life is not a rehearsal. Therefore, you should make the most of every day, and do everything with care.

[oliviao]

When Trump got elected, the perception of women changed, and we are somewhat devalued in some ways, which are hard to pinpoint. Men will view us as weak, and unfortunately, that will take advantage since new laws in place will slant towards men. Also, when ROE is overturned, things will get ugly, and it may be a fit for survival.

[dellafitriamelia]

I’m amazed by what you have to say. Do you know Najwa Shihab, she said like that too