The old man at the club: how to deal with aging out

When I speak with men in their 30s, I often hear them speak of their concern about being "the old man at the club." They're aging out of their old haunts, and (consequently) believe that it must be time to settle down. However, this isn't necessarily the case. After all, it depends on the club to which they're referring. Is it the nightclub or the country club? In this episode, I discuss the importance on finding your scene as a man: as you age out of one, you typically age into another.

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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.

#psychology #men #success

[psychacks]

When I speak with men in their 30s, I often hear them speak of their concern about being "the old man at the club." They're aging out of their old haunts, and (consequently) believe that it must be time to settle down. However, this isn't necessarily the case. After all, it depends on the club to which they're referring. Is it the nightclub or the country club? In this episode, I discuss the importance on finding your scene as a man: as you age out of one, you typically age into another.

Buy my book, "The Value of Others"

Book a paid consultation:


Social Media




Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community:

Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com

Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.

#psychology #men #success

[boldyo]

“We are all alone, born alone, die alone, and—in spite of True Romance magazines—we shall all someday look back on our lives and see that, in spite of our company, we were alone the whole way. I do not say lonely—at least, not all the time—but essentially, and finally, alone. This is what makes your self-respect so important, and I don't see how you can respect yourself if you must look in the hearts and minds of others for your happiness.” - Hunter S. Thompson

[jared]

Met one "old guy at the club" at a sports bar when I was 20, he told me "prostitutes were honest women, and wives were dishonest prostitutes".
Now I'm knocking at the 30s door. Oh boy! He was so right

[cozmicsoull]

Rather be an old man at the club than to be an old man trapped in the house with a contentious woman.

[biffmercury]

“You know you’re too old to be in a club when you walk into the bathroom and everyone suddenly hides their drugs.” - George Carlin

[JohnADuerk]

"Circulate in environments where you are both valued and appreciated..." This makes perfect sense.

[frizzlefry]

65 and rocking, the prime is about knowing who you are in time and place, its all irrelevant, life is good and health of the mind and body is all that counts, spread the love and joy.

[thepoormanspassportguide]

63 years old man in the club in Thailand. I'm ecstatic i'm still alive. People wouldn't look in my direction in Marin County, California. Random bus ride a few nights ago had me hanging out with a group of 18-23 year old Thai girls that took me to the beach at 3am. I guess they needed an old man for thier group that night. Too much much energy for me but I was happy they picked me. At least for now I'll gladly be the old guy. At least I'm still functional and alive!

[kenetik]

If you stay healthy in your 30s you have absolutely nothing to fear

[joeAnon]

I know a guy that has to be in his 70s but in our sports club he's still a contextual alpha. Every year people in their 20s join the club and everybody respects this guy because he can still out work the new people that are out of shape. This dude even got one woman half his age to go back to his apartment and they became close friends after that. Stay active guys!

[RomeLoganMusic]

This video is a masterpiece. I'm buying the book today.

Also, popular media has been running that whole "old guy in the club / dying alone" narrative for so long, that's where most of us guys get it from. This debunk was essential. Thank you.

[delocon]

Doc, you have a way of releasing videos in a perfect synchronicity to whatever existential crisis/dread I may be feeling. This is the exact reassurance I needed to hear. I'm 43, this helped A LOT.

[RyanPatrickFlanagan]

As a 43 year old man - this video is great! A lot of women will dislike the last few minutes of it. Great stuff Doctor!

[topshelfmen]

Trying to find women at a night club is the same as dumpster diving behind a McDonalds trying to find something good.

[Khan-rzqi]

I've legitimately asked all my male friends if they're afraid of dying alone and they all said no. I personally feel the same way, if anything I dread the thought of people "handling" me as an old man. I'm tall, handsome and in my prime. Not too sure if I want kids yet, definitely don't need a wife. Told my guys as soon as my wheels fall of I'm quietly dropping out of society and living a fully solitary life until I pass away. That's my perfect ending, what society thinks is the "right" thing to do is none of my concern.

[Thomas-pqys]

74 here. I spent much of my younger adulthood at a most wonderful bar. Artists, musicians, photographers, writers, actors, poets, and hangers-on, all spent time there.... good creative, intellectuals.

The bar closed while in my mid 50's. I miss it.

Alcohol is not kind to me anymore... but I went there for the intellectual stimulation. I'd hook up on occassion, but that wasn't the main reason I go there. It was the amazing conversations I'd have.

I'm in good shape for my age. Women my age do flirt... but I do not find them attractive in the least. They look like grandmas.

The women I am attracted to would probably find me a creepy old guy.

I don't mind being alone. I've no kids, no family.... just my life, my cats. A good female friend hangs out once in a while...

I've my property to work on, workshops, a music studio... I'm good... but sex with a 40 something would be great.... meanwhile, back to landscaping.

[ShastaSchubert]

I stumbled across this book, The Dominance Formula by Atruve, and I wasn’t sure what to expect at first. But as I kept reading, I realized just how much we are never told about power, presence, and control. It actually exposes the hidden dynamics behind why some people seem to command respect effortlessly. Once you see it, you cannot unsee it. This book explains it in a way that just clicks.

[washingtoncountymarylandre]

I am 64, single, never married, no children and a few 8+ year relationships. I just finished his book, it should be the Bible for men. I just wish that I would have read it 20 or 40 years ago. My eyes would have been much more open and I am sure I would have made a few different decisions. Thanks Orion, you helped me see the light.

[drewmantia]

When talking about “dying alone” I don’t think anyone’s talking about the precise moment of death. They’re talking about their experience in the years, months, days and hours leading into it. The exact moment of death is indeed similar for the man in the gutter and the man surrounded by family, but the end of life preceding that is much worse for the man in the gutter.

[rexx]

If you're old and at a club playing edm or rap you look out of place. But if you go to a salsa club where people actually learn how to dance, no age looks out of place. A hotel lounge type of scene with music also feels more appropriate if you're older. And you're never too old to see live music.