Do You Listen to Reply or to Understand?

Do you listen to reply or to understand? Author, Stephen Covey once said, most people “Do not listen to understand. We listen to reply.” Here’s what that looks like in practice. Maybe this has happened to you.

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So, you’re having an important conversation. You've explained yourself clearly, but when the next person responds, their reply mischaracterizes or shows a misunderstanding of your point.

That’s because the other person was rehearsing what they were going to say while you were still talking.

And it's very difficult to rehearse and listen at the same time. Instead, try this: Think on the pause.

Here’s how to do that:
1. Listen completely and focus 100% on understanding the person. Don’t even think about what you might say.
2. Wait for them to completely finish.
3. Pause. Pausing is classy. It shows respect. And it gives you time to think.
4. Then and only then, take a moment to form your own question or your own response.

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Communication Coach, this channel, helps rising leaders like you increase your impact and lead your teams with more excellence. The channel focuses on communication skills for leaders, presentation skills, group and team skills, and conversation skills. If you're looking for self-paced communication skills training, this is the channel for you.

[ngqp]

Thank you man. I don't know why but this makes me cry. I needed this.

[feorh]

"You're not listening" by Kate Murphy taught me this. I felt slapped in the face. But it changed my life. I'm a pastor and I've been massively benefited by just... listening.

[dfektdysfunkshun]

I remember reading Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk and I'll never forget Marla Singer. "People don't listen when you talk, they're just waiting for their turn to talk". Not sure if that's 100% correct quote, but it's the gist.

[supporttech]

Thank you ! This is helping me fix my conversation skills! ❤️

[Mushroom-]

Yes!!!, exactly.. & why we need to practice mindfulness.. 😼

[cathyl]

Thank you so much Alex I love your videos and this short really encapsulates great communication

[FinanceFlywheel]

Excellent...
This definitely offers quality reaping.
Thanks for sharing this,
James

[douglasb.]

Understand. Anyone forming a question while spoken to didn't listen and or understand what was being said.

[coreyondavis]

I legit tried to teach someone this but of course she did not understand the meaning. When it comes to partnerships and relationships, one has to fully understand and comprehend that particular persons point of view. Saying "it goes both ways" is doing the exact opposite

[rustex]

Wow just subscribed - I am a Lisa’s channel subscriber and watched her video with Alex Lyon, where she recommends to watch Alex’s video to improve your speech. I am a big fan of English language and love informative resources. P.S. English is not my native language.

[Shan.]

Had this problem while I was talking through the phone about applying for a job. .-.

She even stated that she felt like i wasn't listening because i kept repeating the same questions.

I can't get my brain to be quiet at times when i am trying to listen

[Kayla-mlw]

I listen but I get scad want have to listen it's hard to listen some time

[Skateforlifelad]

You know how you can tell people care about what you are saying? They will pause and let time expire between sentences

[Alexbk]

I feel embarrassed being called out. 😅

[dmitriizheleznikov]

a couple of shorts above about Amber there was information how pause is bad

[FD]

I need to remind myself to do this : P

[calneh]

Thanks, but what do ya do when someone rambles for a long periods and just whenever you get to reply to all of what they've been saying you get a few words in and then they start the rambling again?

[rissabiagi]

I wish my brain allowed me to do this 😂

[tommypain]

Are you truly listening or just waiting to speak?

[ngor-dannymawien]

That's true, I might be the victim of that.