asian american identity crisis

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what does it mean to be asian american? in this painting and video essay, i try to approach this question by exploring orientalism, the objectification of asian women, asian american history, and my own relationship to asian american identity. navigating race, culture, and belonging is always complex and confusing – but we are not alone in this struggle :)

ABOUT THE PAINTING:
○ title: “chinoiserie”
○ medium: oil + acrylic on canvas
○ size: 36" x 36"

TIMESTAMPS:
0:00 the painting
0:57 orientalism
4:05 objectification of asian women
8:42 identity crisis
15:56 what does it mean to be asian american?

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WHERE TO FIND ME:

MUSIC:
○ Satie - Gnossienne No. 1
○ Satie - Gymnopédies
○ Chopin - Etude Op. 10, no. 3 in E major
○ Chopin - Étude Op. 25, no. 1 in A flat Major
Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported (CC BY 3.0)
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Your video essays are amazing and articulated in a way that contextualises the topics you talk about brilliantly. Your art is absolutely fucking gorgeous. Thank you so much for posting, I get a burst of happiness every time you do.

khadijasenghor
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I’ve been seeing this painting on your instagram and low key been falling in love with the composition. Very excited to see the backstory behind another amazingly executed piece

nur
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I recently flew out from Kansas to visit Stanford (i’m a junior looking for colleges for applications next year). The whole tour I was secretly scanning crowds in hopes of catching a glimpse of you. I look up to you not just as a person, but as an artist, a writer, and a videographer. There is so much talent in your person, and this painting serves as a beautiful reminder. If you ever open up an exhibit, I’ll be first in line!

royalewren
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I usually don’t leave comments but I just wanna say that this painting really really hit home for me. I live in a very homogenous white suburban community, so hearing how you beautifully articulate all the things I’ve been feeling is so validating and comforting. Your painting is haunting yet gorgeous and this is something that’s really going to stick with me. Thank you Jackie!

ZayneYeager
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The painting looks amazing and you told your story amazingly well. It really feels weird to be detached from a culture, it's like an identity was stolen and replaced with clichés and gross understatements. Instead of people looking beyond our race, we are reduced to society's stereotypes.

prexytheartist
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I don't comment on videos often, but every time I see one of yours, I always am so blown away that I feel like it'd be a crime to not tell you how fantastic and perfectly executed the video, the painting, and the topic overall is. Your videos articulate the nuances of the topic so well, as do your paintings. You are such an inspiration Jackie.

mandilu
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Your writing skills are admirable! I love your use of poetic prose (alliteration, uncommon verbs, etc), and the CONTENT of what you write is deeply profound and important! I wish everyone could watch this video. I’m grateful that I have come across your YouTube channel. You teach me a lot by sharing your own experiences in a historical context with lots of primary sources! Thank you!!!!

lyssasletters
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Aw man, I gotta be honest, this video really got to me. Although I don’t share all of your experiences (I wish you luck cultivating your own life, for yourself) I can understand being and feeling isolated because of the way you look. I’m mixed race, so really no matter where I go I’m not exactly anyone’s type. I won’t go on a rant about my personal experience, but I do want to say that you will never be alone with this. In the long term, you just have to be true to who you are, and your own life events.
Good luck and Happy New Year

BlueSpadesArt
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ive never heard someone be able to articulate their feelings so well, with words and paint and brush. so beautiful❤️

brad_bohannan
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If I were to try and explain to someone what the purpose of art is, I would send them straight to your channel. The perfect example of art as a window into someone's individual experience of life, as a tool of conveying a message that resonates. A case where (incredible) talent truly rests safely in the right hands. Keep doing what you're doing Jackie, the world needs more art like yours x

navaafriat
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thank you for your words, they are incredible heartbreaking, cutting, beautiful and need to be heard by so many

eviearthur
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This was amazing. I appreciate your capacity to keep sharing parts of yourself with us all. Very thankful for you. Thanks Jackie! ❤❤

marciaharvey
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your Chinese name is beautiful and unique, not assimilated in popular formulas of creating Chinese names. And I've always felt similar when my name is pronounced incorrectly that I suddenly dislike it. love your creativity and thoughtfulness!!

tianshuili
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We hear your writing rather than seeing the words, but I just wanted to say, you’re a beautiful writer. The way ypu set up ideas; the twists; the pacing; the imagery. You’re very observant and very skilled.

BEe-himy
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This is so beautiful. I dont know how you explained everything to amazingly and your painting is just gorgeous. Your poeticness has like had a effect on me that I cannot explain.

khadijaali
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I love this video.Hearing a little of your past history and the Chinese storys.Its like hearing a book on tape, with pictures.You have amazing skills.Keep up the awesome work.

TheOffspringg
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i’m in awe of your videos and have no idea how you have time to paint, edit and post videos every week

estrellasjournal
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this video essay is soo relatable!! I can’t believe we both had similar experiences growing up (I’m Filipino Chinese). I’m researching how to write identity based college essays and your use of metaphors and figurative language is super intuitive.

marlontalks
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Hello, Jackie. I don't have much to add to the conversation which you presented in the video other than my own personal experience and viewpoint on the matter. I am by definition 'Asian-American, ' who also happens to be an immigrant to this country. Being an 'Asian-American' often entails being confused as to where you belong, and on many occasions that confusion will lead to an identity crisis. The fact that we are physically distinct from the rest of the American population means that we cannot assimilate and live in American society without acknowledging that we are of an Asian background, which goes without saying, can feel... 'othering.' Most Asian-American youth grow up with this strange dichotomy between feeling different from other people because of how we are perceived, but also being young and wanting to fit in. At a young age I fully accepted myself as an American, and I don't every really associate myself with my home country anymore. The term 'Asian-American' feels ill-fitting when describing myself, which I guess saved me from having to deal with issues relating to my identity, LOL. Anyways, you show such creative and technical skill in your art like always. Will always show love to another young artist.

TheMouseandTheWall
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i had the exact same experience with my middle name :, ) like i didn't even experience much racism growing up yet i was still sooo embarrassed of my "weird" chinese middle name that I refused to say it out loud till like high school. hearing your story made me tear up a bit -- i love your work.

yllanew