How to be WISE: accepting the gift that nobody wants

Buy my book, "The Value of Others"

In the course of my work, I'm occasionally asked how it is that I came to know what I know. I usually answer that, to the extent that I am wise, I became wise through pain and insight. Pain in the gift that nobody wants -- but if you learn to listen to pain, it will teach you some of life's profoundest lessons. In this episode, I discuss some of the obstacles that prevent people from taking advantage of the opportunity in pain, and how to use insight to accelerate your growth.

Social Media

Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community:

Book a paid consultation:

Sponsor an episode:

Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.

#psychology #wisdom #pain

[Camperlifeever]

Don't be jealous of someone who's advice you find useful. It often means they have been in darker places than you.

[danielfcastro]

Top 3 things men love to hear:
3. "I love you"
2. "You will get a pay raise"
1. "Hi, I'm doctor Orion Taraban, and this is psychacks"

[SDscrch]

The key is to remember this message when you're in the midst of experiencing intense emotional pain.

[IfSemper]

"I walked a mile with Pleasure,
She chattered all the way;
But left me none the wiser
For all she had to say.
I walked a mile with Sorrow,
And ne'er a word said she;
But, oh, the things I learned from her When sorrow walked with me."

[andrewlopez]

Pain and insight, completely true. I'm 41 and still learning this lesson, no matter how hard you try you will ultimately stumble and fall, and the cycle continues.

[dillon]

Going through a divorce and this video put everything my ex-wife did into perspective. Thank you for this clarity.

[rb]

Really appreciate your insights. I once heard this saying "Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional."

[tonybernard]

I'm an electrical engineer, and a fairly wise one. I didn't gain wisdom from doing everything right the first time, but by finding my mistakes in the lab, figuring out what's wrong, explaining why it went wrong and then coming up with solutions to fix it. I've been on several projects that were already boogered up, and again, I'm troubleshooting, solving problems and finding things that should have been done up front to avoid problems or at least to make it easier for people to test the design later. So it's not just experience of success or pain of failure, but the troubleshooting, analysis, problem solving and eventual notes to future self that build wisdom.

[juanjosebravo]

"The cure for the pain, is in the pain"
"These pains you feel are your messengers, listen to them"
"The wound is the place where the Light enters you."
- Rumi

[universe_experiencing_itself_]

“Pain is an opportunity to cultivate wisdom.” Thank you Dr Taraban

[christinecooper]

"Pain is reality chiding you from having a deviant model" 2:36 So well-said.

[rexnakoki]

😢 As a former woke person (immature and irresponsible negroid adult female of the human race with a victim mentality who has anesthetised her pain (or tried to avoid it) most of her life), I must admit that your videos are painful to watch.

🤝 But THANKS to this great opportunity to cultivate wisdom YOU gave me, I've started to stop cutting myself off from my embodied experience (gradually of course, because I don't want to deal with an overwhelming flood of accumulated pain), and to also practice insight on a daily basis (which is easier said than done 😅).

💁🏾‍♀️ Now that I've swallowed my pride and clarified the chain of events that led to most of my experiences of pain, I'm making better decisions to avoid unnecessary suffering in the future. Therefore my mental models are increasingly coming into alignment with reality, which allows me to act with effortless effectiveness.

😎 I'm currently reverse engineering myself. And for the first time in my life, I'm happy to be alive.

🙏 God Bless You Doctor 🙏

[qawal]

God tier explanation. Thank you kindly, my friend.

[secretshaman]

Yes, loved the video. The buddhists say life is pain. Pain is a teacher because it is saying in a very loud voice, "Something important is out of balance, PAY ATTENTION!"

[josephgrubbs]

Not once have I ever watched one of this man’s videos and did not get valuable information that changed me on some level. I can’t say that for any other content creator on any platform. Please watch every video of his you can. If you’re open to his message you will be better for it.

[Oldcoots]

Dr. Taraban deserves to win the You Tube Hall of Fame designation, if they had one for the most valuable broadcasts.

[Ideophagous]

I've watched the full series by John Vervaecke on cultivating wisdom, but this has to best summary of its core teaching in my humble opinion.

[stefanobesliu]

Being wise oftentimes helps others more than it helps yourself.

Its kind of ironic how through history some people had to suffer just for others to live hedonistically. The issue with wisdom is when it is granted to others but without the actual lesson itself. Most of us want to benefit from "knowing" without actually getting through the process of being "knowledgeable"

And then there are always those who live much happier lives despite their lack of insight.

Wisdom comes with a cost: being aware of the fact that you are never knowledgeable enough, and that we are always limited by our human condition. Its hard to cope with truths

[zaffazad]

There could be many different kinds of pains: emotional, physical, psychological. One does not need to experience pain to be wise; learning vicariously through observation is the most economical way of getting 'wiser.' Improving observation and learning from others' experiences rather than committing mistakes is a real deal.

[mattvideoeditor]

As I always say, you learn nothing from victories. It is the defeat that makes you think forever about that moment. But when the chance comes, you will never miss again.