5 of the MOST frustrating things ENABLERS say

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[vanessaament]

The enablers who decide if someone is nice to them so they invalidate your experience are equally guilty, because their selfishness and inability to care about your experience is what is wrong with them. What they are telling you is if it does not happen to them, then they just do not care. That is what is wrong with our society now: if it does not affect someone directly, it does not matter.

[Sky_Star-hqbx]

In my opinion flying monkey enablers are just as deadly as the narcissist. Scary people.

[moniquejackson]

Also Narcissists do actually treat people differently based on how useful that person is to the Narcissist. Just because the Narcissist doesn't show aggression to you doesn't mean they aren't aggressive or abusive with the person sharing their negative experience. Narcissists are chameleons who become different things to different people to get what they want.

[WaterNymphie]

Worst enabler statements summerized:
"They didn't mean it."
"They're always nice to me."
"You're too sensitive."
"They're under a lot of pressure."
"They did their best."

In resume, "Let them off the hook; your feelings threaten my status quo."

[denise]

"Your parents loved you... they just didn't know how to show it." That's one I get tired of hearing.
I guess beating someone, black and blue, is "doing their best."

[cmsbeth]

BOSS: "Well they've always been appropriate with me!"
ME: "Yep, that's because you are the boss and the power dynamic is different."

[mickyj]

Enablers are the wind beneath a narcissist’s wings.. sadly and unfortunately!! 😔

[dakoderii]

Same people who call me "too sensitive" also love controlling my speech and actions so I don't offend the narcissist(s).

[dibkle]

My heart goes out to anyone still seeking healing
You can do it

[elam]

Having dealt with narcissists, I'm extremely cognizant of what I consider "the buffer effect." Narcissists *need* to wreck someone. That person is 'the buffer.' I have literally told people (even family) on my way out the door: "With me gone, they're gonna need someone else. You wanna play along with this? Eventually, its gonna be either your turn in the queue; or someone you'll actually want to defend."

[moussaka]

I was always told "oh don't be ridiculous", "you're too sensitive, " "that's just the way they are"; "they didn't mean it", and the worst was "it has nothing to do with you" I have doubted myself so much that I avoid any personal relationships.

[brandonf.]

"That's your mother" doesn't excuse her dismissing my life and wishing she never had me. As the only child, i could never forgive that but i forgive myself for believing it

[sundown]

My narc mother, told me once.
During a holiday gathering with all the flying monkeys present. They had a big laugh when one of the monkeys said " Oh, her feelings were hurt, again" followed by laughter.
The lot of them got joyous at the idea of hurting another person. Almost, like a sport.
My narc mother got such joy from it, she joyously told me (the target) about the fun they all got out of it.
Which is why I didn't attend and won't subject myself anymore.

[zondacatvlogs]

Dr Ramani, I am in Melbourne Australia. If you are reading this I want you to know that each day after school drop off I go for a walk and listen to one of your videos. Your work, your knowledge and your wisdom is saving lives. The impact is immeasurable. You are making this world better (even though it's a mess at the moment). You are our personal therapist. Sending love.

[jarretthardcastle]

"Maybe the enabler would have to look at their own life and what's going on around them."
Thank you Doctor Ramani!

[Meg]

I've recently gone no contact with my narcissistic mom. My sister told me, "She didn't do it to be malicious." And "She's done so much for you." As if the things she did for me (normally with strings attached) justifies her behavior.

[inthehouse]

The message I got from my dad was "what your mother really means is that she loves you." So abuse=love...

[RH-ulbc]

Society is having such a strong anti human wave of behavior. Too much rotten behavior is being overlooked and not being held accountable.

People do not treat people as human beings.

Also dont ever tell me somone else didnt mean xyz. How do they know? They arent in the other persons head. Call them on it!

[mifnp]

My now-deceased step-father made excuses for my narcissistic mother's bad behaviors. Now she's all alone & SUDDENLY she 'loves me so much' and wants a relationship with her only child. No, thank you. I'll pass.

[greengirldani]

yeah my ex therapist enabled my narcissistic and emotionally abusive mom’s behavior (and my dad’s), by saying that the emotional abuse I endured was “on me.” as in my lack of “communication” led to the emotional abuse. I quit her after that session and I’m so happy I quit her.