The 'Upper Limit Problem' Hits When You're Taking Big Steps UP

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It's hard to explain, but just when you're accomplishing positive things in your life, obstacles and discouragement appear your path in the form of criticisms, attempts to stop your work, and self-sabotage from within. Author Gay Hendricks calls this "the upper limit problem." I call it "the nefarious force": Those of us with CPTSD seem especially susceptible to it, and it seems to be strongest right when you are beginning to shine. In this video I share what happened to me recently when I was working hard on a new project -- including how I overcame it, and what you can do to stay focused and strong while you continue to grow, heal from the past and accomplish great things.

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I've got lots of info and links for you below. But first, PLEASE READ:

I am not a therapist or physician. My videos are for educational purposes only. Information provided on this channel is not intended to be a substitute for in-person professional medical advice. It is not intended to replace the services of a therapist, physician, or other qualified professional, nor does it constitute a therapist-client physician or quasi-physician relationship. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go to the nearest emergency room immediately.

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[violqa]

I haven't been on your channel for a while since I discovered you last year, Anna, and you've changed my entire mindset. I found myself - it clicked - I felt like this was the greatest discovery of my life, even though I had gone through so many therapies. Then, I felt overwhelmed and I had had enough of all the info about trauma. I still am, by the way, but today I just clicked on this video and felt like you were talking about me again. What timing. Shame, the greatest pain and challenge. Thank you for being so brave and authentic. I admire the way you show your vulnerability. This is my first-ever comment on social media, so the change is a long time coming. :) I'm kind of scared but happy to try. Maybe I'll survive! ;)

[survivaltactics]

"When we are tired, we are attacked by ideas we conquered long ago" Friedrich Nietzsche.

[belitr]

Other people will attack you, sabotage you, and sometimes it is intentional.

[danaw]

“Little feral possum” was a perfect description ❤

[leonardcasteel]

"The Upper Limit" is what I am again feeling today. No sharp words, no sudden expression of frustration, I just feel disjointed. This morning going to yoga I felt like I had not been to the studio in weeks. I was there two days ago, three times in the last week. The closer I get to achieving a goal, the more I feel lost and emotionally unsettled and I want to give up and hide. I have been here many times. I will give myself a little time to hide and do a few simple tasks today. Nothing challenging today. I should be stronger tomorrow.

When I have lashed out at somebody or suddenly and strongly expressed frustration in a group setting, I have apologized. I have learned that apologizing is necessary self care.

[emmajoy]

I have a couple of visual cues that life is getting on top of me. 1. How messy my living environment is 2. How big my bum is. Easily tells me how well I am coping with life. It’s a warning system that a “moment” is on it’s way

[CeciledeLuire]

i think it is extremely important to take breaks and to NEVER submit to the pressure when it starts to attack my peace of mind.
and i love your content. but i think it is not about speed and not about doing as much as possible all the time. there is so many of your awesome videos already.

[katielangsner]

I'm not sure that the "nefarious force" is all nefarious. When we try something new, we don't know how long things take, what can go wrong, how much energy we'll need, how it will stress us out, what needs priority communication, alternative routes to our goals or how people will change how they relate to us when we relate to ourselves and our circumstances differently. I think we may take too much shame for failure based on unforeseen circumstances, and don't give ourselves enough credit for what we are learning in the moment.

[humanemaths]

I agree. Happens so many times but when I'm tired. I've reduced my work now to give myself space to handle the explosions.

[Rose-fejc]

I was on the receiving end of someones public verbal assault and I felt utterly embarrassed and especially since it was unprovoked. If you felt so bad afterwards, imagine how the other person felt. It's traumatizing and I don't even want to associate with that person. And although I harbor no hatred towards them, I know it could happen again, given the right circumstances. The only thing we have after a crisis, is our behavior during the crisis.

[leopardchicken]

I appreciate your vulnerability here. Ican make a lotmore sense out of why this keeps happening. Thank you.

[Quaaysan]

I had a meltdown today too, I ate a bunch of brownies and I'm really glad you posted this before I started doing anything else

[ajulianamorena]

Wow! This video just made me understand why I'm living in a cicle where everything goes amazing but I just can't keep momentum or it seems to be so hard to finish stuff whenerever I feel excited. I used to think that everything was trying to make me quit, that people didn't care and magical thinking running high telling myself it was the universe telling me that this path wasn't for me or I need to come terms with the idea that everything in my life will always be difficult. Thank you so much! I feel so much lighter now.

[itm]

And this is exactly why I follow your work and appreciate you. Your fearless authenticity and total humanity is beautiful. Thank you for demonstrating that it’s ok to make a mistake or take a wrong turn. All our work is not lost. Thank you ❤

[nilaja-itsmylife]

The nefarious force : our subconscious programming that we don’t get to win😩

[anawinter]

I'm crying as I listen to you explaining what I have been feeling for years. You have no idea how much I appreciate this discussion! Thank YOU SO VERY MUCH!

[debbieclaassens]

Thank You for giving ‘it’ a name. So totally know that feeling, those thoughts, the whole entire defeat and unworthiness that tsunami’s at those times. Now, not only do I know it’s not just me (and believe the messages I feed myself in this state), now I know it’s another ‘thing’, another symptom/behaviour and I can say - “woah, nefarious force, I see you, and I know the truth. You are trying to feed me lies - I simply need a rest cos I overdid it.” TY Anna 🙏💜

[mzdroj]

Something similar happened to me last week. One thing I wanted so much didn't work out and I felt so down and hopeless and helpless, as some glass ceiling was above me and didn't allow me to finally raise up and be happy for a while.
I came to conclusion, that it was very dense combination of LEARNED HELPLESSNESS and VERY HARSH INNER CRITIC.
I managed to snap out of it. First I got really angry on the entire situation and told myself "NO FUCKING WAY!" which helped me to snap out of apathy and then I had to manage even more furious inner critic, shut him/her up (as it was my whole family) and make some space for self-compassion - to feel sorry for myself and provide oneself a comfort I haven't gotten in my whole life. I burst into tears and sobbed for some time and it disolved the critic and helped me to be me and be present. Thay means, it was just one inconvenience in my life and although it was very important for me, it didn't mean anything more than it was - just one inconvenience, just one mistake of human being that is me.
I got my back!I will never abandon myself!

[kiracyr]

Thank you. I can’t tell you how often I have struggled with this nefarious force. As someone who was neglected and abused in my childhood, this is something that really resonated with me.

Thank you so much for all of your work and for sharing your personal experiences with trauma. “I lost my shit on someone the other day” is so vulnerable and it’s so real, and I can’t put into words how necessary your realness is in this current world. Thank you for your honesty, and for putting into words what all of us who have experienced childhood trauma have faced and felt.

You describe perfectly the feelings and situations that a trauma survivor faces in a way that no one therapist has ever been able to. Thank you.

[sun-dji]

thank you so much! I needed to hear those words... i am also having a very tough week 😕 and thanks to everyone for your comments and for this place... it makes me feel less alone 🙂